1975 Chrysler Newport - Being Willing To Be Insulting

 

This time of year, old cars like this start popping up for sale all over the place. Ebay, Craiglist, cars.com, autotrader.com, Hemmings Motor News; you name it. They're for sale because people want to get rid of great granddad's old block long Chrysler that's either costing them a hundred bucks or so a month to store or it's been taking up too much room in the garage. Shame too since many of them will be bought for what they are as opposed to being revered for purely sentimental reasons. What they are being nothing more than a nice, low mileage transportation appliance. One that is, at $7995, very overpriced.

 

 

How much should this go for? Well, how much something is worth depends on how much someone is willing to pay for it. With only 26,000 miles on it, this car, at least on paper, makes sense as an everyday driver purchase as opposed to something that someone purchases as a new family heirloom. Even then that asking price continues to rear its ugly head; 8 large is a ton of cash for this forty year old, plebian, entry level, sparsely equipped Chrysler. Hate to low ball at the risk of looking like an opportunist, but this will sell quickly at anything under $4,000; I'm thinking closer to $2,500. You have to be willing to insult someone to get what you want. Helps to do that with a smile. If you don't have the stomach for that but want the car, it's going to cost you. A lot. Then there's the issue with mileage; this car is going to make a Chevrolet Suburban appear thrifty.

 

 

The gas mileage culprit being the car's substantial curb weight, a complete lack of aerodynamics and a large, carbureted, computer control free V-8 engine. Let's not forget the rugged but inefficient, over drive-less, 3 speed "Torqueflite" automatic transmission doing you no favors at the gas pump too. The engine's relative lack of power being, perhaps, the only thing this car has going for it that saves it from being a single digit mpg car. Regardless, gas shoots up to $4 a gallon and this thing really hurts as a daily driver. How much is this worth to you now?

 

 

Mechanical parts are a plenty but good luck finding anything else if need be too. Also, you drop that kind of money on this, be sure your insurance carrier will cover you if the car is totaled. Antique insurance? Sorry, all of the "Classic Car" insurance companies I know of don't allow you to drive an old car as a daily driver. This thing gets in an accident while you're driving to and from work, that antique insurance you have won't do bupkiss for you.

 

 

Still, she's a handsome automobile. A comparable Buick or Oldsmobile in similar condition might have an asking price of almost double. Not saying I'd pay that either since for that kind of money you're into mid 1970's mint condition Corvette money. This is a solid, $3,000 cash car. At best.

 

 

 

 

 

Gas Monkey Garage 1978 Ford Granada Ghia - The Sum of Its Parts

Gas Monkey Garage is an automotive customizing shop in Dallas, Texas and is featured in the "reality" TV show, "Fast "N Loud", Monday nights at 9 on the Discovery Channel. The program features Richard Rawlings, whom we understand is the owner of Gas Monkey Garage, his "Gas Monkeys" and their weekly forages around the country looking for unusual automobiles of seemingly any vintage. While I haven't seen this 1978 Ford Granada on the program, it came up on my Facebook wall through the news feed of some car wonk page that I like, it intrigued me instantly. One of the things I like about "Fast 'N Loud" is that Rawlings and I (or the producers of the show) have have very similar tastes in automobiles. Rarely do they feature a car that I don't find interesting.

Now, let's get something out of the way first. I (usually) despise Ford Granadas (the American version, most of the German versions were quite cool) in any guise; coupe, sedan, wagon, V-8 or six although I could warm to a V-8 Granada two-door with the 351. I, again, generally, loathe these shoe boxes because of their soulless styling that looks like it was done by a high school kid slothing through a mechanical drawing class. They also share way too much mechanically with the 1960 Ford Falcon that also was the underpinning of the (strangely cool) Ford Maverick coupe. Not to mention of course, the first generation Ford Mustang.  

Still, this car is somehow cool in ways that only us car wonks could possibly appreciate it. I think it's why it's featured for sale by Gas Monkey Garage. It goes way beyond it's freakishly mint condition too since after all, this is a 1978 Ford Granada; a car so generally awful that even it being a two door variant fails to incite any passion. So, what is it then that makes this car alluring?

This car is special because it has a factory V-8 engine. While it's only the 138 horsepower 302, a 177 horse 351 Windsor was available on this car albeit just in 2 barrel guise, this slow poke of a V-8 does take the car from being god awful to being almost acceptable. But wait, there's more to help seal the deal of appeal.

It's also, be still my beating heart, a four speed car. Wow. You don't see many of these around.

Points off for it being a four speed car with a god forsaken bench seat but beggars can't be choosers. At least the interior color scheme isn't plaid or hounds tooth or worse.  Love the padded glove compartment door. 

Years ago you could custom order your car in any number of different configurations. A manual transmission on a V-8 powered two door in high line trim (Ghia) was not out of the ordinary and they clogged dealer lots because Ford needed to sell some of them to help their CAFE numbers. The multitude of different ways cars could be put together back then was said to be one of the major reasons why quality was as poor as it was. General Motors and Chrysler offered manuals on some of their mid size, V-8 powered, rear wheel drive models too back then. 

Rawlings is offering this car for sale on ebay at no reserve. At last check, it was at $7,700; a remarkable number for a car that is nothing if not remarkable. Comparable six cylinder Granada coupes in similar condition are selling for well south of $3,000. There's also the cache of the car being "celebrity owned". 

This car being  is nothing exceptional save for its unexceptional V-8 and clunky 4 speed. Classic example of the sum of its parts greater than any individual part. Here's the link if you're interested. Happy bidding and good luck. http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ford-Other-Granada-/221693968549

1984 Chevrolet Caprice - Yesterday When I Was Young

 

Amazing what seven short model years will do to a car. In 1977 when this car was young, Motor Trend named it their "Car of the Year" as it was considered nothing short of a revelation. A foot shorter than the car it replaced while weighing almost a thousand pounds lighter, it also had more interior and truck volume as well. Cars like this didn't come around but once in a lifetime.

 

 

Fast forward to 1984 and this car was seen in a negative light just as the car it replaced was. Too big, too heavy, too thirsty, too crude and primitive. What happened? Thank a second gas crisis in ten years and the influx of smartly engineered, impossibly perfect cars from Japan. Those brilliant imports weren't just better in every way; they also showed Americans just how bad their cars were.  

 

 

Why anyone would buy one of these after driving a contemporary Camry or Accord is beyond me. The one thing this car and cars similar to it, those GM "B and C bodies", did offer was considerably more interior room than the Camcords. Did Grandpa buy his 1984 Caprice because he could put a little trash can under the dashboard?

 

 

If you're of a particular age, like I am, you perhaps have an appreciation for these cars that goes perhaps beyond reason. This car is 31 years old going on 90. If you're honest with yourself, there's nothing quite like the chill of realizing that you're not as young as you used to be. Despite your own best intentions not to be as old as the those who were "old" when you were  young.

 

1959 Lincoln Capri - The Struggle

Lincoln, a division of Ford, had all new "unibody" designs for 1958

I took "writing for television news" in college and struggled with it. Part of the problem was the stuck up, stick in the mud professor but my biggest challenge was with my being an expressive, creative writer, I found it hard to just let the pictures "do the talking".
 

 

That unibody allowed for a cavernous interior

 

I'm guilty of not letting the pictures do the talking with my blogging as well. I will sit on a blog for weeks before I publish it because I can't find anything significant to add to a picture. I can't leave well enough alone that there isn't some deeper meaning in something that is little more than an appliance.  While there is  certain nobility in those appliances, anything more than that, as is such the case with '59 Lincoln, is completely contrived. After all, this is just a car. Those cars that are more than just a dishwasher are few and far between. Try as this car might, and this is true of most cars not just these juke box like '50's designs, it falls short of being anything more than just pretentious.

 

46 inches of leg room combined front and back. These cars were the largest unibody cars ever made.
 

That's why with this (weird and gruesome) old Lincoln, I've given up on writing about the car and instead focused on the struggle of writing about it. It's been one of the tougher cars I've found to write about; it's that way with most cars I've found that were new before I was born. By the time I became aware of cars, say between the age of 8 and 10, most cars like this were long gone to the crusher. This blog came to gather quickly after my decision to focus on the writing of it versus writing a boring, mechanical piece about unibody design or Lincoln's decades long losing battle with Cadillac. You can find that information in Wikipedia after all.

 

 

And at 227 inches long they were one of the largest automobiles ever made as well.

 

So, just sit back and imagine rubbing your cheek on that cold, damp, grimy 56 year old hood and feeling the damp dirt dribble down your face. Why your cheek? Anyone can put their hands on this car; go for something a little more personal.

  

 

These cars sold poorly and Lincoln replaced them with a more conventional looking automobile in 1961.

 

It's only after all these years that I've grasped what it was that professor was actually talking about; the nobility of simplicity.

Little Red Corvette - Too Damn Cold

  

We're in a stretch of some of the most brutal weather I've ever experienced in my life and it's ironic that, apparently, the country in general is in the midst of one of the mildest winters in recorded weather history. Really? You'd never know it up here on the shores of The Great Lake Erie. It was 7 below outside yesterday morning so that meant it was not even 10 degrees inside my garage. I know it's really cold out when the snow on the snow blower doesn't melt over night when it's in the garage.  

 

 

With the day off yesterday for President's Day, the wife working and thus being stuck at home with our teenage boys who are more than happy to do literally nothing all day, I got ambitious and attempted to get at the brake line/proportionating valve part of my endless "brake job" on the '77. I broke the line last weekend attempting to secure the new cross over line to the brass block behind this flange. If you've kept up with the scintillating details of my winter of '15 exploits, the old cross over line is what failed causing the rear brakes not to function. In replacing that line, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

 

 

What's in my way now, in addition to the soul crushing cold, is that big, frozen nut on the proportionating valve. The proportionating valve "proportions" hydraulic fluid to the brakes based load, weight and demand. Most of the braking force goes to the front so the back brakes are little more than secondary but still, with no fluid in the rear brakes, all of the braking has had to have been done by the front. This big nut hasn't been tampered with in almost 40 years and is not happy about my wanting it gone now.

 

 

Of course it wouldn't budge despite a week of soaking in PB Blaster and I rounded it off with my 9/16th box wrench right from the get go. Why these fittings are made of aluminum is beyond me and the cold weather only adds to the misery. Getting that bolt off, with my massive vice grips and then getting the brake line out will have to wait until it hits maybe 30 degrees this weekend. Wish me luck.

 

 

 

 

 

So What's To Become of Brian Williams?

 

This whole Brian Williams mess reminds me of my personal experience on September 11, 2001. I was in the city that day and actually heard, but did not see, the second plane hit the south tower. The rest of that day I spent being focused on keeping my radio station on track. That's the extent of my experience that day despite being thisclose to it. It would be a much more interesting story, when I tell it, had I actually seen the plane crash into the World Trade Center or perhaps warped the truth that I was one of the "dust people" downtown or worse. I'm as proud of myself as I can be given the circumstances of that sad day that I've stuck to my less than interesting 9/11 story after all these years. Mr. Williams tall tales are proof that once you open Pandora's box of lies and tall tales, you can't close it. Besides, why would I want to make 9/11 about me anyway?

 

By now it's old news about how Brian Williams story telling has led to a six month suspension without pay. This suspension without pay warranted? Well, given what he does for a living it's not out of the realm of reason. It probably won't hurt his bank account much considering he makes $10 million a year but his ego and reputation has been put through the ringer. Should he have been fired instead? Good question. Another good question is why wasn't he fired? It's easier to answer the latter rather than the former question.

 

He wasn't fired for the simple reason that he had high ratings doing the evening news for NBC. NBC has even been touting that they've been able to maintain those ratings through this entire thing. Remarkable but not surprising. Brian Williams represents millions of advertising dollars for the network so at the end of the day this boils down to ratings, dollar and cents.

 

Now, had NBC booted him chances are CBS, ABC, Fox or some other of network of sorts would have grabbed him immediately and either used him in a similar capacity as a news anchor or repackaged him as some sort of correspondent. His ratings performance, good, bad or indifferent would have been on his new employer and not on NBC. If he performed well, that was a risk that NBC was not willing to make.

 

Now with six months to cool this whole mess off, NBC knows that America has a short memory and attention span, and NBC looking like they took appropriate disciplinary measures by making him sit out sans compensation, NBC is in the best position to benefit, possibly, by his returning to the anchor desk in August. And if his ratings tank then at least there's no benefit of doubt.

 

So, what's to become of Brian Williams? America's TV news viewers will decide. If they don't tune in for the long haul that means they don't forgive him and if that's the case, he's toast and no one will touch him. Rest assured, though, a massive PR campaign is coming making him out to be the second coming of Walter Kronkite. America loves a big ole apology too and keep in mind, Mr. Williams didn't misrepresent "the news" when he was on the air above and beyond his warping of the truth when he made himself part of the news. Why he did that is anyone's guess.

 

 

Little Red Corvette - The Tow Truck Is My Backup

  

It's been an interesting winter as I've attempted to get the rear brakes working on our 1977 Corvette. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. The latest disaster in this never ending saga? Yesterday morning I broke the front to rear brake line here at this brass "block". It broke as I was bolting the fitting for the new cross over line, the line that failed in the first place, into the right side of this block behind that metal flange. That greasy old clip secures the block to thet flange which, in turn, is welded to the frame. I know. How primitive. Installed correctly, it works well enough.

 

 

It broke the day after I found a small shop near our house that could help me with this project if I need be. My "Tow Truck Is My Backup" mantra never being more comforting than yesterday morning when brake fluid came gushing our from that broken old line. That unmistakable "squish-squish" telling me once again I was a long way from being done.

 

 

This isn't the first time that I thought I was near completion on this project when disaster struck. About three weeks ago I broke that inside bleeder valve off the right rear caliper as I began the "bleeding" process. 

 

I didn't store the car this winter because I wanted to work on it and spend the money I would have spent on storage on parts. So, it's worked out for the best. So far at least. I'm still under budget but I did not count on rebuilding the entire rear brake system; the power steering rack will still need replacing as well. The longer this project takes to complete the more it rubs up against spring time when I would have taken it out of storage in the first place. So, I'm thinking the steering project might have to wait. It's taking so long to complete this proect because I have to do so my research first. Remember, I'm not a mechanic, I'm just handy. I also have to take a back seat to the cold weather. Despite wearing insulated overalls that keep me wonderfully warm 'n toasty, the same can't be said for my fingers. It's cold out there in the garage. Finally, this car is, in general, a big, rusty pain in the ass to work on. For instance, it took me almost two full weekends to get this broken caliper off.

 

This snazzy, remanufactured, period correct, 4 piston caliper now sits on the right rear rotor. Something tells me I should replace the left caliper too while I'm at this seeing how leaky the caliper I broke was. By the way, I got this handsome devil at Autozone for $60 (including the core swap) which is almost $100 cheaper than what I could get at a Corvette supplier on line. Sometimes you luck out. Most often times, though, you don't.

 

Now I have to remove and replace the front to rear brake line that runs down the left side of the car and is held in by a total of four of these innocent looking, 1/2 inch bolts. Sounds easy enough but it's (surprise!) not. They're tucked up under the rocker panel and right next to the fiberglass tub for the interior. That means there's little room for a socket or box wrench and these suckers have been in place for, nearly four decades. Thanks to that heavy duty vice grips (on the floor), an old 1/2 inch driver and that breaker bar, after about 2 1/2 hours of yanking, twisting and screaming, I got them out. I felt like a greasy dentist removing wisdom teeth that just wouldn't budge. Now, spit.

 

 
While I've never done any of this work before, it is straight forward work that anyone with any degree of mechanical intuition could handle. And I know I'm saving a ton of money. While frustrating, I do find the work to very rewarding if not satisfying. Wish me luck getting the old line completely out and figuring out how to get the new one in. All the while anticipating disaster at every turn. Or kink in the line.