1992 BMW M8 - Happy Halloween

Wow. When was the last time you saw one of these tooling around town? Gotta tell ya, not very often especially here in Cleveland. This is an original BMW 8 series coupe.

You didn't see many of these when they were new either. One of BMW's rare and very extravagant failures, the 8 series coupe, counter to what experts say, did in fact replac the late, great BMW E24 6 series coupe. Targeted at an even more well-heeled buyer than the 6 series coupe did, the "8", was built between 1990 and 1999 and was, unfortunately, little more than a shortened wheelbase, two-door version of the then current BMW 7 series. It also featured the 5.0 liter, SOHC, 48 valve, 296 horsepower V-12 also available on the 7. 296 horsepower doesn't sound like a lot of power these days considering what modern 2.0 liter turbo 4's can make but twenty going on thirty years ago, this car had it goin' on. 

What it didn't have going for it was any semblance of driving dynamics any better than the 7 series sedan it was based on. An unresponsive drive by wire throttle, a reluctant to downshift automatic, two-ton curb weight and loosey-goosey steering might be acceptable on a high-end luxury sedan but on a coupe with sporting pretension, no one literally bought it. Well, some did, yes but by and large the 8 was a big, heavy, expensive dud. Oh, and there was the, get this, $90,000 sticker that was like the cherry on top of a car that, sadly, couldn't do anything right. Well, except look absolutely fabulous. All these years later the shape, balance and proportions of this car still gets me. Even in green. 

What's odd if not strange about this car in particular, and I didn't notice this when I took these pictures of it, is that it's an "M8". Really? Well, no; it can't be. BMW never sold an M8, they made a prototype but they never put one in showrooms. Unless, this is the prototype which is highly, highly unlikely. While BMW's vaunted M folks did gussie up an 850 and call it the 850CSi, and chances are this might be a CSi, looks to me like a clone. Which in the auto enthusiast world is a car that at worst  is badged up to look like something more than what it is and at best has been frankensteined into something it originally wasn't. That nonsense is usually found on muscle cars but who's to say you can't dress up a BMW?

 

 

After all, today is Halloween. 



1971 Chevrolet Chevelle SS 454 - The Road Less Traveled

At 54, I missed the launch hay day of the muscle car era by a good ten to fifteen years. By the time I came of age, two gas crisis', a double dip recession, and EPA and insurance regulations had pushed any car with a modicum of actual performance capability to discount rack status; many of them met the crusher like any other car. Many who appreciated them doing a well-intentioned albeit many a time half assed job restoring those that remained. I mean, seriously, if this was a real 1971 SS 454, why would anyone paint it purple? I found this when I took a different route home from the office one day last week. Something tells me I should take the road less traveled more often if it means running into things like this. Grab some roller meat and live a little, y'know?

For a split second I thought I'd have to rush home to get my checkbook since, with an asking price of $7,000, this would be quite the deal. Despite the purple paint, it sitting on grass for quite a while - the grass under the car was dead, and some confusing details on the sales sheet here like a turbo 350 in a car supposedly a SS 454? Then I realized the dollar sign there was a "1" and the asking price was $17,000 marked down from $19,000. Ah, just as well.

I mean, at the very least, this could be a real "SS" since for 1971, in an attempt to cash in on the cache that the "SS" moniker had garnered since it first appeared on a Chevrolet a decade earlier, buyers could get a Chevelle SS with just a "350" engine; the 350 an attempt to circumvent insurance company surcharges. Save for 1964 when you could get a Chevelle SS with a six, in prior years a Chevelle SS came only with Chevrolet's 396 or 454 cubic inch V-8. Can't blame GM for trying to squeeze every ounce of blood out of a stone they could. When Chevrolet launched the "colonnade" Chevelle in 1973, the SS model was replaced by the Laguna S-3; "S-3" another crafty attempt to beat the insurance companies at their own money-grubbing games. I've always believed that an automobile that performed at a high level was safer to drive than lesser ones. 

Not being a fan of "clones", it baffles me why someone would go through the trouble of badging this a 454 when it might at best be just a plain "SS" or stripper Chevelle. It's a mystery I will never solve since no sooner did I think to go back to the place I found this car to take a picture of it's VIN number, it was gone.  

2019 Chevrolet Camaro SS - That's a Damn Shame.



With the exception of these 1969 Camaro inspired Chevrolet Camaro's, which have blighted roads world wide since 2010, I've always been a fan of whatever a "Camaro" was supposed to be. Their poor overall usability as daily drivers, however, always left me disappointed. Flinty rides, creaking structures, numb handling, uncomfortable seating, horrible assembly and form always taking a back seat to function, owning one was not unlike being in a relationship with someone you're very attracted to but they frustrate you to the point you can't stand them; dare I say you might hate them. Ironic then that when Chevrolet rebooted Camaro for 2016 into a truly world-class sports car that's screwed together really well, I could care less about it. That's a bit of stretch but this is a car that does everything exceptionally without, sadly, being viscerally appealing like Camaro's of yore.

 



 

Admittedly, us coupe lovers are a particularly fickle bunch; way more so than luxury sedan or cross over buyers are. And while we do appreciate the fringes of exotic car high performance a car like this can provide us, if the car doesn't look good, we're looking the other way. That Shallow? Vain? Yup. No doubt but the proof is in the pudding. While Ford and Chrysler's pony cars sell quite well, yes, it's a stretch to call the Dodge Challenger a pony car, Chevrolet struggles with Camaro sales. Why? Simple. This is an ugly car. 

 



 

That said, having read nothing but glowing reviews of the Camaro since its 2016 relaunch, if I could spend extended time with one I'd be all about it. Still, when my wife and I decided to rent something "sporty" a couple of weekends ago for a road trip to visit our sons at their respective colleges in southern Ohio, I had to force myself away from what I found to be a better looking Challenger, with a lowly V-6 for crying out loud, and into this 2019 Camaro SS. My thinking was I can always rent a Challenger V-6, which auto pundits have given faint praise, but opportunities to date a gymnast, even a homely one, don't happen every day. Let's go.

 

 

Our "date" didn't start off well. At five foot nine and around one hundred eighty-five pounds or so, I ain't no giant and for me, getting into this car was a chore. It's so low to the ground it's like descending into a hole - a hole you have to jackknife your body to get into. Once I shoehorned myself over gigantic, race car inspired seat bolsters, I was surprised to find I could slosh my shoulders around inside the seat backs. I was expecting the seats to fit me like a glove or at least there be an adjustment on the bolsters to inflate them so they would "hug" me. No such thing. All weekend I never felt velcroed into this thing like I've felt in other high-performance cars I've driven. What's more, after four, five hours of driving, my lower back ached. I've driven very long distances in our Tahoe and Monte Carlo and never had any back pain so, what's up with that?

 

 

Next up on a list of ambivalence inducing annoyances is how difficult it is to see out of this car. The rear side quarter windows are so small they might as well be Sherman tank gun slits and to make matters worse, the front seat headrests are so tall they all but block what little you might see through those "windows". The trunk lid is also so high that it might as well be open - seriously, you can't see much out the rear window. Good thing this thing had blind side monitoring and a backup camera otherwise changing lanes and backing out of a parking spot would be akin to doing so in a box truck. In fairness, you can't see much out of the Challenger either. I've yet to drive the current version of the Ford Mustang but from what I understand visibility sucks in that car too.

 

Ok, so, it's hard to get in and out of, you can't see diddly out of it, the seats could be more comfortable and I'm not smitten with the styling; enough griping. Let's put all that aside and put pen to paper about driving this car.



Let's start with my favorite part of any car and especially performance cars, the engine. Our rental had the latest iteration of GM's overhead valve V-8 engine they've called "LT1" since it was first introduced in the 2014 Corvette. Making 455 horsepower and 455 pounds of torque, this direct injected monster of an engine along with, get this, a new for '19 ten-speed automatic transmission and stump pulling 3.73 gears, launches this porker of a little car (3,600 pounds) like few cars I've ever driven. Published reviews of this car claim it can go from 0-60 in 3.9 seconds - that's absurd. This car is so fast it could be dangerous in the wrong hands. When my twenty one year old drove it he said he was almost afraid of it. He's a cautious soul by nature but I got where he was coming from. Someone who's a bit more of a daredevil could find themselves in a ditch in hurry. In the end, I thought the car unnecessarily if not comically over powered. C'mon, guys. What's the point? What's more, you can get all the race track goodies this car came with on the model below this with a more than adequate V-6 engine.



That in mind, you know that old saying about power being meaningless without control? That's so true and while I got used to how powerful this car was, what I could not get enough of was how wonderfully this car performed otherwise. Handling, braking and ride are all, in my opinion, "super car" great. And if I was to buy one of these I'd find a race track to take it to regularly to ring out everything it can offer - there's just no way to legally experience everything this car can do on the street.

 

So, does this car have what it takes to make me get one? Sadly, probably not because I can't see past the awkward styling. It's on my short list, though along with Ford Mustang and Dodge Challenger because I enjoyed this car like few other cars I've ever driven; I didn't want to give it back. Despite a shockingly small trunk, literally a shelf for a back seat, visibility issues that I never really got used to and, again, styling that I wish I found more appealing.



This Camaro SS was not unlike that BMW M240i I drove several months ago. A suck your eyes out performer that does everything incredibly well but just doesn't do it for me in the all important looks department. While it's amazing to even put "Camaro" and "BMW" in the same sentence and anyone who knows better would most likely agree with me, when it comes down to the almighty "got to have factor", Camaro just doesn't have what it takes. And that's a damn shame because this is one fine performing automobile.