1983 Buick Electra Park Avenue - Dad, How Could You Have Let This Happen?

I don't know what I used to see in these cars but back in the day I was all about them. These days something like this very nice 1983 Buick Electra Park Avenue pops up on Facebook Marketplace and I skip right past it. Then a little voice in my head says, "wake up, stupid, you just scrolled right past an old GM C-body!" 

Feeling obliged, I went back to it and found there are just 85,000-miles on its 42-year-old analog ticker, it's had two-owners, the current owner bought it from the son of the 90-year-old family patriarch at an estate sale and now they're "flipping it". They're asking $9,995 which seems somewhat reasonable, I guess. Sure is better than the hyper-inflated prices we saw on clean "fringe classics" right after The Pandemic. 

Going on forty-years ago, I would have been all over this thing. Now all I see is a floaty, wallowing, underpowered Reagan-era Buick with uncomfortable seats. Well, at least it's a coupe. What the hell is going on with me? 

With age (at least) comes some wisdom, and it seems I may have come to grips with what my younger self saw in what my wife refers to as "Old Man Cars". As I sprawl across a metaphorical couch of self-analysis, what I believe I used to see was my father or what I wanted him to be. That being a charismatic, benevolent alpha male I could respect, admire and attempt to emulate. I wanted to be the son of a confident man who would drive a (in its day) flashy car like this Buick.

Heavy stuff. Well, it's either all that or I just liked the looks of land yachts. Until I came of driving age and my superficial appreciation clashed with the reality of my seat of the pants experience with them. I remember test driving a 1983 Buick LeSabre (very similar car) in 1986 or 1987 and being frustratingly underwhelmed by it. Slow, heavy, ponderous and uncomfortable, at first, I thought it was just that car but every other one I drove were just like it. 

I was confused if not conflicted. How could this be? Dad, by virtue of you being my father I'm wired to love you intrinsically but how could you let me down like this? 

Similar to how long it's taken me to come to grips with who my father was, or wasn't, it's taken me time to accept that my beloved General Motors wasn't what I thought it was either. That and having owned a number of vehicles over the years that were excellent transportation conveyances, some that were not as well, has taught me how to know automotive shit from Shinola. 

By 1983, not only were Buick's glory days decades them, but General Motors' as well. Chalk that up to circumstance as well as poor product planning. Folks with money, not to mention the all-important "Young Urban Professionals" were opting for German makes and models and GM had nothing to offer them. No yuppie would be caught dead in a Buick unless it was a hearse. 

A BMW in 1983 foretold where the automobile was headed, this Buick Electra told us where it had been. Dad, how could you have let this happen? 

It's fun to spit-ball turning this into the "ultimate sleeper", that being a screaming muscle car that looks totally stock. With modifications to the power train and suspension, to do that right, you'd be talking the dark side, if not more, of what the asking price for this is. 

Let's be real. In the end, with it being ultimately what it is, there's only so much you can do. Frankly, I don't think it's worth it nor is dropping $10,000 on it in the first place. 

I guess I still see my father in cars like this. In the end, much like him, this car was what it was. Nothing more and, although it may sound sadder than it actually is, a whole lot less. 

 

1985 Ford EXP - Whiskey Glasses

Who knows what it was I saw in Suzie McGillicuddy (name changed to protect the guilty) all those years ago. Amazing what we see or don't see when we see through whiskey glasses. I guess the same can be said for what I once saw in Ford's EXP. This '85 popped up on Facebook Marketplace recently and suddenly a rush of bittersweet memories came rushing back. 

I really liked the looks of the EXP like I did old Suzie, I thought its lines alluring in ways its primary then-current corporate rival, the Mustang, were not. That it was a two-seater struck me as odd though; it looks like a 2+2 but it only seats two? And in many ways provides less performance than the car it's based on? They say love transcends but only to a point. Seems something got lost in translation.  

The "inspo" for the EXP was, allegedly, the 1981 Ford of Europe "Super Gnat". Drawn up by Ghia, the "Super Gnat" was a two-passenger, three-cylinder "commuter" or "city car" that didn't pull any punches - it was as utilitarian as a plunger. Albeit a plunger you might display in your foyer because this thing has some swagger. The Super Gnat never saw production in Europe. 

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The Ford EXP, later the "Escort EXP" was based on the 1981 Escort that was Ford's first domestically built front-wheel-drive subcompact. Supposedly, it was a "world car" since it was developed alongside a Ford of Europe Escort but it's as "Euro" as a Royale with Cheese. In a market desperate for an affordable practical, fuel-efficient car, the Escort quickly became the best-selling car in this country. 

Despite their virtues, because I thought they were homely, I wanted nothing to do with them; not that I could have afforded a new one. I stuck with my gas-guzzling 1975 Chrysler Cordoba, thank you. This young turk had Suzie McGillicuddy to impress. For the record, she wasn't. Just as well in the end. 

As is if tapping into my inner-psyche, Ford rolled out the better-looking-that-a-Mustang EXP for 1982 that disguised its humble underpinnings. The fly in the Jack Daniels' bottle was I couldn't get over the two-seater thing. Not that my Cordoba had a "usable" back seat, but it was doable in a pinch. 

Another sore spot with the EXP was its lack of beans. Somehow and someway, the "sporty", two-passenger body for the EXP made it some 200-pounds heavier than an Escort further boat anchoring the industrial grade, 1.6-liter, cam-in-head (a what?), 70- to 80-horsepower four-cylinder engine. There was no upgrading done to suspension tuning either. Upside, though, Motor Trend claimed they got 44-MPG in one they test drove. That's seriously impressive even today. 

Our Marketplace gem here is for sale in bucolic Lodi, Ohio about 40-minutes south of Cleveland. Asking price is $1,500 and for that you get a Reagan-era two-seater that's in pieces and has a seized engine. 

Bonus, since it spent most of its life in Arizona, there's no rust, but the interior is sun baked or bleached to oblivion.  Comes with another interior and whole bunch of other parts, a running engine is not part of the booty. Their loss, your gain! Message below if you're interested and I'll hook you up. I'm sure the seller is flexible on price. 

Some say "EXP" stood for "experimental" while others say some Ford marketing wonks just liked the way E-X-P looked together. A 1981 Popular Mechanics article cited that it was an acronym for, "Erika Project Personal": E-for-European Escort, X-for project. Spotters will note the rims are not EXP's but Ford Contour alloys.