The Donkey In The Well

 

 

When I think about how difficult my childhood was I temper those feelings of anger and resentment with the belief that my experiences when I was younger helped make me who I am today. Seeing how my life turned out so far I wouldn't have it any other way either. My childhood not unlike the story of the "Donkey In The Well".

 



  

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. He cried for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

 

Finally, the farmer decided that since the donkey was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve him. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him seal it up. With the donkey at the bottom of the well.

 

 

They all grabbed shovels and began to dump dirt into the well. At first, the donkey didn’t realized what was happening & cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.

 



With each shovel ­of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off & take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of him he would shake it off and step up.



 

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off.
 

The Master Cylinder - I Know It Was You, Fredo

One of the great things about Godfather II, which I've always believed to be the superior of the first two Godfather films, is that there's so much room for interpretation. For instance, I  believe that Michael Corleone had to have had a feeling all along that it was Fredo who tried to have him killed. When he confirmed it, it made for one of the most memorable scenes in one of the most memorable movies of the 1970's if not of all time.

 

 

Back in November when the rear brakes failed on our 1977 Corvette, I had a feeling it was the master cylinder that had gone bad. I filled up the empty rear reservoir but it quickly bled out  because of a cracked brake line. Although I remained skeptical of the master cylinder's viability given the amount of fozzilized brake fluid around the booster, with the rear cross over line cracked and the rear lines in general being in atrocious shape, I put thoughts of a bad master cylinder in the back of my mind. Way. Back.

 

 

After literally months of work to replace every rear brake part on our car, with the exception of the left rear caliper, I am proud to say that the brakes work beautifully. Best is I saved thousands of dollars doing the work myself.

 

 

My only issue now is that after a drive, there's a large glob of fresh brake fluid on the ground under the car right below were the proportioning valve is along with my freshly installed front to rear brake line. Thing is, the proportioning valve and new line is not leaking but the master cylinder is down a little after every drive. This picture, for illustrative purposes, is of the proportioning valve with the old front to rear brake line still attached.

 

 

Frustrated and heartbroken at the same time, late this past Sunday afternoon I laid down under our car for a good half hour or so attempting to track were that brake fluid was coming from.  

 

 

 

You'd be surprised how difficult a process that is but sure as sh!t, there it was. A small, almost innocuous drip coming down from the steering column which is directly underneath the, yes, you guessed, leaking master cylinder.

 

 

I know it was you, master cylinder. You broke my heart.

 

 

 

Little Red Corvette Brake Project - Thank God Almighty, Finished At Last!

Four. Months. That's how long it took me to replace every rear brake part, with the exception of the left rear caliper, on Rockn77.

 

The fun began late last summer when I noticed this Rorschach test on my driveway. That' power steering fluid that, luckily, washes off concrete.

 

 

I had originally planned to not store Rockn77 this past winter and instead use the funds that I would use on storage to replace this busted up dashboard pad. It's a big job that would require me to disassemble the entire lower dash board. The leaking power steering cylinder would take precedence, of course but I figured that as soon as I got that done I'd dive into the dash board project. While I had everything apart I also planned on redoing the tachometer, speedometer, dash lights and stereo.

 

 

You make plans the Corvette laughs. Last Thanksgiving weekend, I backed her out of the garage and when the posi-traction rear end hit an ice patch, with the front still in the dry garage, I noticed that the rear tires were still spinning despite all the pressure I could muster on the brake pedal. Rockn77 had no rear brakes!

 

 

At first I thought it was a bad master cylinder but the problem was much worse; it was a cracked brake line. This line right there, what's called the "cross over line" that carries brake fluid from the left side of the car over to the right side, was cracked. You can't see the crack in this picture but there's a sizable crack in the line right by that plug.

 

The removal and replacement of the cross over line was fairly straight forward. Biggest problem was getting the old line off the brass block right there. Corvettes are what are called "catalog cars"; you can get literally anything you need from after market parts distributors and that helps out greatly. I also sprung for new hoses and new trailing arm lines.  

 

 

I didn't count on having to replace the right rear caliper. I broke the insider bleeder off of this when I attempted to bleed the system the first time I thought I was near completion of the project. Getting this blob of iron off took two weekends of prying, plodding, screaming, yelling and praying. Eventually I got it off.

 

 

The biggest hassle was when I broke the front to rear brake line. This necessitated my removal of entire brake line from the proportioning valve back here to the left rear of the car.

 

 

This was an incredibly difficult process start to finish that took me the better part of three weekends to complete. There were many times during this process that I honestly believed I was not going to get it done. The thought of towing Rockn77 to a shop to finish the project made me nauseas. I soldiered on.

 

I have to hand it to myself and my perseverance for I certainly did get it done. Now, while at this point the front to rear line leaks a bit at the proportioning valve, I'm confident all it needs is more torque on it. Hopefully.

 

 

After that's done it's off to the power steering cylinder and then I'm done for the season. With strong brakes and a solid power steering rack, Mrs. C and I plan on taking some nice long drives this summer in Rockn77. Thank God Almighty, Finished At Last!

 

 

 

Service Engine Soon - You Get What You DON'T Pay For

Local chain auto parts stores advertise that you can come into their store and have your car "scanned" by their experts to diagnose why that pesky "check engine" or "service engine now" light is on. And they do so whole hearted, bless their hearts. Problem is, you  get what you don't pay for.

Last fall the 1996 Camaro I bought for our sons to use started running as though it had a blown rod and the ominous SERVICE ENGINE SOON light was on. I took the car to the local chain auto parts store and a tech, trusty scanner in hand, was able to quickly diagnose that there was a misfire in cylinder six.  Problem was that they couldn't tell me why cylinder six was misfiring. They recommended I change the coil pack and I did so - but $30 later the car still ran poorly. Somewhat crestfallen, I went back to the auto parts store for more "free trouble shooting". This time another "tech" questioned why the tech who told me to replace the coil pack had me do so because typically the first thing done with a misfire is to change the spark plug. At this point I'm getting a good idea why these well meaning young men are working in an auto parts store and not in a service center.

I found changing a spark plug on the Camaro to be a brutal, knuckle busting, time sucking process so I had a local, chain service center change all of them for me, not just cylinder six, to the tune of $200. It's a twenty year old car and they were the original plugs so...I thought it money well spent. Anyway, the car did run much better afterwards however, I did notice some bog and hesitation under wide open throttle acceleration. Another trip back to the service center and they told me that I needed to have the ignition wires replaced at $250. I was livid. They said I didn't ask them to put the car on their diagnostic scanner since all I asked them to do was change the plugs. So, here I am bringing my rough running car to them and all they do is what I tell them to do? My sons and I agreed that with the stumbling only happening when the gas pedal is on the floor, we could live with it until the spring when I could change the wires for an out of pocket expense of $25.

 

Things were fine up until about a month ago when the car started running poorly again. Another trip  to the auto parts store for another free scan revealed a misfire this time in cylinder five. Must be the bad wires, right? This time the tech, a different kid by the way, told me that it could be a bad fuel injector. What the what? Lovely. When I told him about the service center saying it could be spark plug wires, he said change those first and if it continues to run poorly then it's most likely the fuel injector. That's an expensive project even if I do it myself not to mention difficult since this car is incredibly hard to work on. I limped back home and started working on changing the spark plug wires.

It took me probably three hours to swap the wire out for cylinder 5 but much to my delight, when I fired it up, not only did the engine run smoother, the SERVICE ENGINE light was off. Oh, life was good. That was until an aggressive road test. No sooner did I floor the gas that the SERVICE ENGINE light came back on and the car started to backfire. I was quite upset and limped home believing now that the kid was right about  the fuel injector. Lovely.

As I began to do research on fuel injector replacement, it occurred to me that I was going with the recommendation of a twenty year old kid at an auto parts store. So, I took the car to another service center, my thought being that the other service center I went to was not manned by the sharpest tools in the shed,  and asked them to scan the car and diagnose why the car was running so poorly. $100 later I got all the information I needed, it was a bad coil pack. They gave me an estimate of $194 to replace it and I somewhat politely turned down their offer since I knew that I could get a new coil pack for $30 and swap it in in 20 minutes. I did so and the car runs better than it has ever run since we've had it. Money.

Bottom line as always, you get what you pay for and also, more importantly, you get what you don't pay for.

 

Greased Lightening - 1948 Ford DeLuxe

Growing up thisclose to New York City in the mid to late 1970's, we were pounded constantly by the New York TV stations playing this commercial for a faceless, '50's revival show called, "Grease!" I had little interest in seeing it; my thought was that if you needed a fix of the '50s, why go through the hassle of going into the gaddam city when all you had to do was watch "Happy Days" every week on TV?

Then the coming attractions came out for the movie version of the Broadway show starring the oh-so-lovely Olivia Newton-John. Literally in the blink of an eye, "Grease" was transformed from being nothing more than an annoying TV commercial and into arguably the most important film of my wonder years.

Thankfully, there was more to the film than just "Bad Sandy" to monopolize my interest; how else could I be able to sit through 90 minutes of dancing AND singing if only to get ending sequences of the movie? Remember, kids, this movie came out years before VCR's became commonplace in households. Had VCR's been around when I was a kid I never would have come to appreciate the subtle brilliance of the T-Birds and the Pink Ladies.

One of the more memorable parts of the film, which, again, amounted to little more than filler until "Bad Sandy" made her appearance, was the "Greased Lightening" sequence. In this part of the film, the "T-Birds" are less than impressed with the 1948 Ford Deluxe that Kinicki has purchased. Their leader, however, Danny Zuko, played brilliantly by John Travolta (Vinny Barbarino sings!) and who knew he was an eternal optimist, sees the car not for what it is but for what it can be and leads his fellow troubadours in the film's second greatest 3 1/2 minutes.

Let's give the writers of the song much poetic license as we scrutinzie the lyrics to "Greased Lightening and compare them to as much of real world automobilia as possible. Spoiler alert - it's going to be readily apparent that a little knowledge of automotive nomenclature can go a long way towards creating Broadway if not Hollywood magic.

Well, this car is, systematic, hydromatic, automatic.  Why, it's greased lightning!  (Greased Lightning )

Hydromatic and automatic refer to automatic transmissions. The term "Hydromatic", it could be argued, refers to the General Motors "Turbo Hydromatic" transmission that was originally developed by Buick in the 1940's and marketed as the Buick "Dynaflow". "Systematic" means nothing. A Buick automatic transmission in a hotrod built in a late 1950's high school chop class? Possible but highly unlikely.

We'll get some overhead lifters and four barrel quads, oh yeah.  (Keep talking, whoa, keep talking)
 

"Overhead lifters" is technically incorrect since the lifters of overhead valve engines are actually deep inside the block of the engine. To be lyrically correct, Zuko should have sung, "we'll get some overhead valves" but obviously the song writers needed a two syllable word following a three  syllable word to keep the cadence of the song flowing. Four barrel quads is a misdirected reference to multiple four barrel carburetors. The term four barrel quads, would actually mean four, four barrel carburetors. While multiple carburetors were quite common even on 1950's "hot rod" applications, four, four barrel carburetors would have been highly unlikely. Possible? Yes, I guess although I've never seen a set up like that, but very unlikely. Sounds very cool, though which was probably the point.

 

Fuel injection cutoffs and chrome plated rods, oh yeah (I'll get the money I kill to get the money)

There's no need for fuel injection cut offs on a car that is carbureted; like Grease Lightning apparently is or is going to continue to be based on earlier lyrics in this song. All 1948 Ford DeLuxes like Kinicki's were carbureted. Fuel injection, which is the norm today, was in its infancy in the late 1950's and was extremely problematic. Oh, and nobody chrome plates rods.

 

With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waiting at the door
You know that ain't no shit, we'll be getting lots of tit in Grease Lightning
(Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go)

With the advent of column mounted transmission gear selectors, floor mounted transmissions were rare in the 1950's. A floor mounted four speed manual shifter even rarer. Hurst shifters first appeared in 1958 and while its possible the one could have gone into Greased Lightning, it's highly unlikely. I've yet to see an interior photo of Grease Lighting where a floor mounted shifter was visibile. What's more, Danny already refered to the car being "Hydromatic" and therefore "Greased Lightning" would have had, or was going to have an automatic transmission. 

Go grease lightning, you're burning up the quarter mile
(Grease lightning, go grease lightning)


Well, if you say so, Zuko. You haven't made any reference to what the engine is under the hood of Greased Lightening. 1948 Fords were powered by either a 95 horsepower, overhead valve inline six or a 100 horsepower, Ford flathead V-8. The engine that is dropped into the red "fantasy" version of Greased Lightening that Zuko rides down on into the engine bay appears to be a Chevrolet 350 with two four barrel carbs or quads on top.

Go grease lightning, you're coasting through the heat lap trials
(Grease lightning, go grease lightning)

That's about right. Weighing about  3300 pounds, with 100 horsepower, Grease Lightning will be coasting, not speeding, through the heat lap trials.

 
You are supreme, the chicks'll cream for Greased lightning
(Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go)

Although it was the liberal, disco crazed late 1970's, "chicks'll cream" somehow made it past sensors. Although it's hard to imagine exactly what the term was supposed to mean. Why the word "scream" wasn't used is anyone's guess. Again, the '70's.

 

Purple French taillights and thirty inch fins, oh yeah

Purple pitched tail lights;  it's against the law to have purple tail lights. The pitched part could refer to how they're positioned. Thirty inch fins was probably just about right for the size of the fins on the red, fantasy version of Greased Lightning. 
 

 
 A Palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins, oh yeah
 
Palomino dashboard might be a reference to the color, palomino which is a light brown or tan. Dual muffler twins might be a reference to four tailpipes which is possible but a highly unlikely detail on a car which is being rebuilt in a high school shop class. 
 

 

With new pistons, plugs and shocks I can get off my rocks
You know that I ain't bragging, she's a real pussy wagon
Grease lightning
(Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go)  

 

Replacing pistons would be part of a major engine rebuild and would probably neccessitate new connecting rods if the engine was stroked. Again, no one chrome plates connecting rods. New plugs and shocks would probably help improve the car's performance which, apparently, is quite the turn on for Zuko. As for being a "Pussy Wagon", well, the visceral appeal of "Greased Lighening" is subjective. It's lost on me.

But apparently, it's not lost on "Bad Sandy". Sigh. The good girls always go for the "Bad Guys".

 

Starsky and Hutch Ford Gran Torino

The latest in a series on famous cars

From April 1975 through May 1979, detectives David Starsky and Kenneth "Hutch" Hutchinson kept the fictional streets of Bay City, California, safe on the weekly ABC-TV crime drama Starsky & Hutch. Though the show's stars, Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky) and David Soul (Hutch), gained considerable fame from the series, it was Starsky's red Ford Gran Torino with its distinctive white stripe that became, arguably, the show's biggest star. During the program's run, it became one of the most recognizable cars in America.

Starsky and Hutch were originally supposed to drive a high-performance green-and-white Chevrolet Camaro. However, when production began on the pilot, Ford Motor Company's Studio-TV Car Loan Program was the vehicle supplier for the show's production company. Since Chevrolet was part of General Motors, the Camaro was out and the Gran Torino was in.

It is not entirely clear how many Gran Torinos were used during filming or what eventually happened to all of them. Adding to the confusion, Ford sought to capitalize on the show's popularity by producing approximately 1,000 to 1,300 Starsky & Hutch special-edition Gran Torinos for sale through participating dealerships. Our subject car is allegedly one of those factory-produced specials, which is likely true given that it wears stock Ford wheels rather than the five-slot mag wheels fitted to the television cars. "Zebra Three," as fans may recall, was the radio call sign used by Starsky and Hutch. As a result, these cars have sometimes been referred to, somewhat incorrectly, as "Zebra Threes."

While genuine television-used cars with documented histories do exist, the large number of replicas makes identifying an authentic example challenging. Even verifying a Ford factory special edition requires careful research. For serious collectors, provenance is everything. A well-documented Torino reportedly used in the series sold at auction for around $40,000, demonstrating the enduring appeal of the famous red-and-white cruiser.

While the show's producers were pleased with the Torinos, one of its stars, Paul Michael Glaser, was not. According to several accounts, when Glaser was first introduced to the car, his less-than-enthusiastic response was simply, "It's red." Despite the Torino becoming the de facto "third star" of the show, Glaser never developed much affection for it. He later remarked that "it was huge, it had no pickup, and it couldn't handle."

To make matters worse, whenever he filmed scenes that involved sliding to a stop at a crime scene, Glaser reportedly made every effort to bump the car against a curb. Whether done out of frustration or amusement, he seemed determined to shorten the Torino's lifespan whenever the opportunity presented itself.

1972 Chevrolet Kingswood Estate - Fasten Your Seatbelt, Grasshoppers

 

I can't imagine people who grew up with minivans having the same affection for those boxes as people of my generation have for station wagons.  

 

 

To be honest, it is a love that's hard to understand. While I look at most sedans as being nothing more than appliances, when the roof of a sedan is extended out past the C pillar making said appliance even more practical, I am its fool. However, I have little interest in SUV's, full size, mid size, cross over or whatever. I can't even figure myself out sometimes.

 

  

The allure of these things is cosmic if not magical. Speaking of magic, let's start with the magic tailgate; quite possibly the best part of these absolutely huge vehicles; the Kingswood having soul mates across the hall at Pontiac, Oldsmobile and Buick, by the way. Cadillac did too, technically, but it was a commercial chassis "wagon" and it was sold exclusively to the service industry.

 

 

Hinged on the left to open outwards from the right, the magic tailgate's glass also moved north into the roof while the tail gate itself could slide south into a slot in front of the rear bumper. And with power assist to boot. All at the twist of a key right above the right rear tail light. Right turn on the key opened just the window, a left turn engaged an electric motor that literally pulled the window up. Another motor moved the tailgate down. Beautiful. Ford pioneered the magic tailgate but as was with so many of Ford's innovations, GM perfected it; Ford tailgates never stowed below deck. Best for extra utility, there was nothing quite like a Kingswood driven with the tailgate down below and all the windows open at freeway speed. Great way to clean the car out too.

 

 

What seemed to be the coolest place to be in these cars quickly grew old on long road trips but what kid didn't love to be back here while Mom and Dad took a short traipse into town? Our parents all but in the next county or state when you were back here. No DVD system for these kids; all entertainment done on your own. The two seats back pushed seating capacity on these cars to an amazing 8 passengers. Problem was the seat had next to no lateral or back support and rode just in front of the rear axle. Bumpy, to the say the least. Fasten your seat belt, grasshoppers. If you didn't, let's just hope dad had the magic up completely.

 

 

Hard to say where the business ended and the pleasure begins on these cars but in front of the B pillar, this car was all standard issue, 1971 vintage full size Chevrolet. All that was good with it, bad and indifferent.

 

 

 

 

Today, the only "wagons" on the market are made by high end manufacturers like Mercedes, BMW and Audi. Cadillac had been building a CTS wagon but they have yet to announce that they are offering a wagon version of their latest CTS. What happened to station wagons? Two gas crunches in the 1970's certainly didn't do any favors for sales of these 5000 pound, V-8 gas guzzlers but it was the mini van in the '80's and the SUV's in the '90's (that market still going strong today) that ultimately did in these dinosaurs. And that's too bad.