1987 Cadillac Brougham D'Elegance - Who Buys A 1980's Cadillac For the Engine?

I came across this dark red beauty during one of my myriad cheap car searches the other night. You know the type of searches - the, "how much car can I buy for under $4,000" searches that usually unearth boring, soulless drecht but sometimes, like the other night, something like this 1987 Cadillac Brougham D'Elegance comes up in my net and I automotively salivate. And not for the reasons you might think of either. Yes, I'm a big fan of American luxury land yachts from yesteryear and in particular Cadillac's but I'm not usually smitten with anything with four doors - this time is no exception either. 

Y'see, I'm intrigued by this car because of what resides under it's bonnet. We see here that some sick bastard swapped out the puny Oldsmobile engine it was born with and replaced it not only with a more desirable Oldsmobile mill of the past, but one from 1971 - arguably the last year when Oldsmobile engines were still "Oldsmobile Rockets". Yeah, Oldsmobile continued to splay their OLDSMOBILE ROCKET decal on a myriad of engines through 1990 but if you're looking for real stump pulling power, 1971 was the last year the Rocket, in 350 or 455 cubic inch flavors, still "had it". And this one has been gone over and breathed on too so it's got to be a screamer launching from red lights. 

An "Oldsmobile in a Cadillac" is far from a "new" concept. Back in the mid '70's, GM fitted an Oldsmobile 350 in the Chevrolet Nova based Seville and in 1979 the Eldorado.  While owners of these cars car suffered all the ills and indignities of early fuel injection, a qualified mechanic who new how to skirt the emissions regulations of the day, could swap out the F.I. for a carburetor. Oh, ahem, let's not forget that the diesels offered in both back then was built by Oldsmobile. 

In 1986, GM finally threw in the towel on the rear wheel drive applications for its "HT4100" V-8 and replaced it with an Oldsmobile 307; above is an Olds 307 in a 1987 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. Based on the bane of any Oldsmobile Rocket V-8 fan, the Olds 260 of mid '70's infamy, the 307, which had nothing in common with the Chevrolet 307, at least had a flatter and broader torque curve than the 4100 did but it certainly was no powerhouse. It's been rumored that Cadillac used the high output 307 from the Hurst Olds and 4-4-2 in those cars but that makes no sense considering the time period. I've also yet to find any evidence of that being true either. 

However, since Oldsmobile essentially used the same block for all their engines, the swap of the Olds 307 for a 455 in this Caddy must have been a pretty clean and straight forward proposition. As if an engine swap is ever a that simple. What's more, to handle the extra oomph of the 455, no doubt our subject here had a transmission swap too. And after I had my fun stabbing the gas on it, with an asking price of a mere $3,800, this car and it's engine could make for a most interesting power train donor for my 1977 Chevrolet Corvette. P.S. - I have no idea what's going on in this picture from the ad. Bracket racing perhaps? 

Oh, she'd (The Wife) kill me if I did something like that and dreaming about it is probably way more fun that actually going through with. Something tells me too there'd be a ton of fabrication to get the big Olds motor to not only fit but to stay fastened down inside the small confines of the engine bay on "Old Unreliable" here. Certainly, though, would make my car about as unique a "C3" as there is out there and done so rather cost efficiently too. Who buys a 1980's Cadillac for the engine? I would.  

2020 Nissan Maxima - The Future Is Bright but It's Just Not Very Interesting

Who says the "three box", four door sedan is dead and buried? Well, the Big Three do considering they've all but abandoned the market. You'll see a smattering of sedans still available for sale in 2020 in domestic showrooms but if you've got a hankering for four doors and a trunk, best to go to your import store as they continue to push out a full range of them. Nissan's 2020 Maxima here is the cake topping Nissan four door sedan that also includes the Altima, Sentra and Versa.

If the imports are still selling sedans, why aren't GM, Ford and Chrysler? Because sedans don't sell well enough here to warrant their continuing to make them. There is, however, a significant market over seas. Oddly enough, GM does so well in China that they will continue to sell the Cadillac CT-6 and Buick Lacrosse there even though they've stopped production of them here for 2020. Giving up on a market segment is a bold move for Detroit and we'll get a bell weather very soon as to how that'll go but I'll go out on a limb now and say that folks ain't gonna miss the Taurus and the Impala here in the U.S. Thank goodness they're still making muscle cars otherwise, what would I lust after? However, seeing how cars with four doors can tear up a track these days, is the demise of the muscle car as we once knew it not far off? 

I still have a hard time getting my head around sedans being a niche segment having grown up in a world where their demise was unfathomable if not inconceivable. Don't get me wrong, I hate the damn things but the problem is we're going to be stuck with cross overs that are even more appliance like than the sedans they've pushed into oblivion. Be careful what you wish for, right?

In the interest of making sedans appealing, manufacturers have resorted to making them more sports car like. For instance, this Maxima (and others) can perform at a level that shames most sports cars from ten years ago. Alright, bit of an exaggeration but I say that to illustrate a point. Thing is, where the Maxima and other sedans, "sports sedans" or otherwise,  fall down on their soft bumpers is in the visceral appeal department. I think most of them are boring at best and ugly, like this Maxima, at worst. Be honest, is there a single four door sedan on the market today, practicality aside, that you'd spring for in lieu of something with two doors? If you say yes, you've probably grown up in this age that's devoid of interesting looking, mass appeal vehicles that have only two doors and a sedan market full of cars that are remarkably good; note I didn't say good looking. What's more, you might look at sporty two door cars today like the Mustang, Camaro and Challenger and dismiss them as being for "old people".

Maybe it's just me but at the end of the day, no matter how strong a performer a sedan today may be, claiming that one is sporty is like saying diners on Long Island are classy. However, to a generation coming up that's generally ambivalent towards cars, with the lines blurred between what sports cars and sports sedans are, it's the two door muscle car that's really in dire peril. After all, if sedans continue to be made that are the track equivalent of something with two less doors, what's the point of the impracticality of the two door car? Have you sat in the back of a late model Camaro, Mustang or Challenger? It's a joke. For the most part they've always been, subjective, yeah, better looking and had more je ne sais quoi than something with four doors, but if it's just a fashion statement, again, the muscle car is in jeopardy. Dire jeopardy.

Trust me, the younger generation just doesn't give a damn about such things and if they find cars like this Maxima, which, again, I think is hideous, as sporty looking as my generation thought a GTO or Chevelle was, in ten years, maybe less, showrooms will have two types of vehicles; two passenger ultra high performance models and more practical ones that coddle and swaddle passengers out back in supreme, triple digit speed comfort.

Welcome to the future. As bright as it is, it's just not as interesting as we thought it was going to be.

2006 Chevrolet Tahoe Fuel Pump - Compound Profanity

Only in hindsight can I honestly say, "the hell was I thinking" when I even thought about swapping out the fuel pump on our 2006 Chevrolet Tahoe. "How hard could it be?", I murmured to myself when my wife and I first got an estimate of almost $900 to replace it because it was leaking gas fumes tripping the Tahoe's god forsaken check engine light. Well, the short answer is, "very, very hard" and not because it's that complicated to do either. My latest extreme DIY adventure was as difficult as it was because of rust and corrosion. Like someone with a medical problem you can't see,  looking at the body of our Tahoe you'd never know that underneath it's rustier than the Titanic.

Why would I even think about doing a job like this? Well, first off, with an estimate from a shop as high as it was, and blessed, more like cursed, with an equal dose of mechanical intuition, frugality and stupidity, I felt it my familial duty to at least try and do the job myself. Furthermore, to be honest, I really enjoy working on our vehicles and I get a feeling of deep satisfaction of "putting it to the man" by not giving him, or her, my hard earned money.

Like I always do, I started this project trying to find YouTube videos of other people who've attempted to change the fuel pump on Tahoe's, Suburban's or Yukon's. To my delight, at first, I found a bunch but the best of them are terrible. From sloppy camera work, choppy voice overs to horrendous editing, they're impossible to follow. What's more, good ole Chevrolet changed the design several times on the emissions line plumping for the gas tank and fuel pump on our vintage of Tahoe (2002-2006) so although you're watching a video of someone working on what looks just like your vehicle, chances are if you're off just one model year off you might as well be working on a different make and model. What's more, save for this guy who worked on a Tahoe with a full tank of gas, just like on home improvement shows and videos, nothing ever (seems) to go wrong. And trust me, things can go wrong. Really, really wrong.

They also gloss over very important details of the process leaving me to hope and poke on my own. For instance, what was I to do if I couldn't get the "quick release" fuel and evaporation lines to release? What if nuts and bolts are frozen in hard to get to places? What do I do if I can't get the fuel pump out of its locking ring? What if the fuel lines break off? Little things like that that aren't so little when you're in the midst of the project and you can't move forward. What's more, you're so far into the project that you would have no other choice but to call a tow truck and have the thing dragged to a shop to finish the project you can't complete. Such are the real world trials and tribulations of a hard core do-it-you-selfer.

I experienced all of these problems and more in the five days over two weekends it took me to get this project done. And much like surfing the net or, ahem, blogging, time rockets by at a pace that's ten times the speed of regular time. I felt like Rip Van Winkle after spending what I thought was maybe a couple of hours wrenching away only to discover it was more like six. Combine the myriad issues I had with rust particles gently cascading my face and falling down my shirt and it was no wonder I took my horrible habit of "compound profanity" to another biblical level. I hope to god no one heard me.

I was nothing short of flabbergasted by how badly corroded the fuel pump was. Yeah, I know, it's fourteen years old but you'd think GM would have placed it in some sort of protective cocoon up and away from the elements but, no. It's generally exposed up there to everything mother nature has to offer up here in bucolic, road brine loving north east Ohio. And, of course, like on many vehicles, there's no way to access the fuel pump from inside the vehicle via a trap door; you have to "drop" the fuel tank. At least on our Tahoe the gas tank isn't blocked off by an axle or structural cross member you have to "drop" first. No wonder so many cars and trucks go to their final resting places because of a bad fuel pump.

Ah, there she is. Just look at that thing. Now, aluminum does not rust, per se, but it does corrode. So it might as well rust as far as I'm concerned. And our fuel pump was so badly gunked up that the large pipe on the pump that deals with recirculating gas vapors back to the tank was leaking thus triggering the check engine light. What's more, the main fuel line from the tank to the fuel line of the engine was so badly crusted the quick release wouldn't let go and I had to break it to release the whole tank.  Then I had to yank the fuel line out of the connector and that, in turn, compromised the "o-ring" that seals the line up. Yeah, we're talking gas lines here so a quick jaunt down to Auto Zone for a fix wasn't in the cards. I got it back on, eventually but holy cow what an ordeal.

Then there was the epic battle of getting the pump out of the tank. Once again, rust, oxidation and the creeping crud threw everything they could at me in their attempts to get me to call a tow truck. Somehow, someway, I got the pump out of the tank, the new one in and despite a relative dearth of before photos illustrating where everything goes back in place, I got everything back in and hooked up. But wait, there's more. Of course.

Upon the first "turnover" of the engine the damn thing wouldn't start. The. Hell. Amazingly, I was concerned but not panicked and I remained clear headed enough to deduce that the fuel pump was starved for fuel with the rear of the Tahoe still on my Rhino Ramps. I had only poured about two gallons of gas in, yessir, I had drained the tank while it was out so it would be less heavy when I put it back in, and with it being at an angle, all the gas I poured in went to the down end of the tank. I jacked the Tahoe up enough to pull the ramps out, waited a minute or two and, voila, the old beast started up when the fuel leveled out in the middle of the tank. What's more the check engine was off. No drink or drug comes close to the feeling of deep and warm satisfaction I got when it started.

My wife had a coupon for an oil and filter change at the shop that diagnosed the fuel pump problem that made my changing it myself not worth the hassle so within a week I dropped it off for them to do it. They recognized the our Tahoe and the tech behind the counter said to me, "you really need to get that fuel pump taken care of". I coyly smiled and laughed when I said, "oh, I did. And I did it myself". His mouth dropped when I told him that and he said, "Wow. You did that yourself? That's quite and undertaking".

Yeah. I'll say.

Dodge Challenger - It That a Bad Thing?

In a world of do-it-all crossovers, it's refreshing, no, wait...dare I see reaffirming to me, that brutally impractical cars like this late model, "sub-lime" Dodge Challenger R/T are as popular as they are. It's the perfect yang to the ying that are crossovers and is exhibit "A" as to why boring four door sedans as we once knew it are rapidly becoming extinct. Sedans, incidentally, are not dying a rapid death because of "sports cars" like this but because crossovers are more practical and are, arguably (for the most part), better looking. Crazy cars like this Challenger then are the opposite side of the spectrum from "CUV's" and thank god almighty The Big Three still make them.  

If you're not aware or have forgotten, these cars are an homage of sorts to the Dodge Challengers of 1970-1974 lore. Somewhat remarkably, Chrysler has changed little about them in thirteen model years. Yes, they've made some subtle styling changes over the years, the interior has been upgraded wholesale, engines and transmissions have been massaged with glorious results but by and large, I'd be hard pressed if any lay person could tell a 2008 Challenger from a brand new one. That a bad thing? 

Well, based on Chrysler selling on average sixty-thousand of these each year, no. Now, that's a drop in the bucket compared to crossover sales, but it is a large enough a number that Chrysler keeps the big old beast around to dress up showrooms clogged with Journey's, Grand Caravan's, and Durango's. I'll bite my tongue on my opinion of the spiritually related four door version of the Challenger they peg as "Charger" for a separate blog of its own. Stay tuned. 

It's been said that one of the problems with retro themed design is that you're hemmed in by the original concept with little room to evolve. Stylistically, that theory does hold some water but again, does that matter? As long as Chrysler continues to update these cars with all the gadgetry that buyers want these days, they could keep popping these out with the same styling for another ten years. Gee whiz, is a plug in hybrid version that far off? 

Personally, while I love the looks of these cars, lime green paint aside, I wish they'd update them so that they'd be more in line with the current Ford Mustang and Chevrolet Camaro. Ford and GM's "ponies" are so wonderful to drive and ride in these days that I have to wonder why anyone in the sport coupe market would buy a Challenger instead of a Mustang or Camaro. Ok, looks aside. I get how someone could fawn all over a Challenger because of it's chiseled, handsome profile and movie star haunch, lord knows I do, but drive one back to back with a Mustang or Camaro and I dare you to attempt to convince it's even half as good. 

There's rumors out there that an all new Challenger is on the horizon but those teases get squashed as quickly as they pop up. And for the Challenger nation, that's apparently perfectly ok with them. But do yourself a favor - if you're smitten with the Challenger for its looks only and you do value pure driving satisfaction, you owe it to yourself to spend some time with a Camaro or Mustang. 

A Tale of Two 1996 Chevy Camaros - Stuff Doesn't Matter

Over the last six years my wife and I had bought two, almost identical, red, 1996 Chevrolet Camaro's for our sons to use and last week a gentleman named Jim took the remaining one off our hands. There were a number of "little" and not so little problems with it and it's relative unreliability had worn out my ability to see past all of its intrinsic faults and foibles. Still, seeing it go was bittersweet as it closed the car door on a big part of my life as a father. After all, isn't buying cool first cars for our kids what "car guys" like me are supposed to do? Seeing a nice wad of bills in an envelope, though, helped dissuade any feeling of melancholy I had quite quickly.

That it was an "Arizona" car with absolutely no rust was the driving force behind Jim wanting it to replace the '99 Camaro he had with "only" 198,000 miles on its clock but whose frame had rusted out beyond repair. That and that our car had a mere 81,000 or so miles on it helped seal the deal. I tip my ball cap to Jim since he, like myself, can see past the flinty, truck like ride and handling, god awful seats and cheap, junky interiors of these cars and loves them for what they are and not despise them for what they're not. Trust me, one doesn't replace one of these cars with another one if you don't love them.

Learning to let go both physically and emotionally of stuff in general but particularly of our sons is one of the toughest things that I've had to experience as a parent. I've learned that our children grow up, our roles in their lives change and we stand a better chance of holding onto the wind if we think holding onto their baby shoes, cribs, toys, their first cars or whatever, is going to help us hold onto them as they were. It's a good thing my wife is way, way less sentimental than I am otherwise we'd be over our heads with their "stuff". And, really, what's the point of that? I've also learned that the idea of their "stuff" is far better than their actual stuff. Takes us much less room in the garage, attic and basement too.

With that, I said goodbye to our "second" 1996 Chevrolet Camaro. While it took me a couple of days to get over it, silly as it may sound to those who are less sentimental than I am, once I did, I felt empowered by freeing myself of the physical constraints of the past, fear of change and of the future. I also felt renewed and hopeful as selling that car will help to open a new chapter for our son as he's planning to use what we got for it as part of a down payment on, bless his heart, a late model Camaro.

Honestly, I could care less what he gets as long as he's happy. However, here I go again, I know I'll have an instant and deep emotional bond with it because it be forever the "first car he bought for himself". 

Is Buying A Car with A "Rebuilt" or "Salvage" Title A Good Idea?

To buy a car with a "rebuilt title" or not to buy a car with a "rebuilt title"...that is the question and the answer is not a simple yes or no. Purchasing a rebuild can be vexing because there are several things to keep in mind - like why the car was salvaged or rebuilt and whether or not a buyer knows all of the pitfalls that come with buying one. It can be a great buy but they can also be a nightmare; especially at trade in or resale time. For today's blog about salvage title vehicles, we'll use this 2014 Chevrolet Camaro our older son was seriously considering buying as an example.

So, what the heck is a car with a "rebuilt title" and what constitutes a "total loss" anyway? Also known as a "salvage title", "rebuilts" are cars repaired after being damaged such that an insurance company deemed them a total loss. Now, a car that's been "totaled" doesn't mean that it can't be repaired and resold although, on the surface, it sounds really fishy. Buyers are (somewhat) protected since if a car is totaled and fixed, it's title is branded as a "rebuilt".

Regarding a "total loss", that varies somewhat from state to state but here in Ohio, insurance companies use a total loss formula or what is referred to as "TLF". With "TLF", if the sum of the cost of the repairs of a damaged vehicle plus it's salvage value exceeds its actual cash value (ACV) or "book value", the vehicle is deemed a total loss. Other states use a percentage of the damaged vehicle's value relative to the cost to repair it to determine if it's a total loss or not. For this '14 Camaro with just 12,000 miles on the clock to have been deemed a total loss here in Ohio, it must have been seriously messed up. Thing is, it wasn't. More on that in a second or two.

Not all cars with "rebuilt" titles are created equal. Some cars that are rebuilt shouldn't have been because they were too badly damaged and their future crash worthiness could be compromised. While the body shop selling this car was quite forthcoming with information about the damage this car previously had, I had a hard time getting my head around buying a car that had been banged up so badly that it had been "totaled"; despite an asking price a good twenty five percent below market value. Also, this car allegedly had front end damage so bad that it warranted the car being totaled while at the same time the air bags didn't go off? Heh? Weird. Anyway, as you can kind of tell, the car looked perfect but I uncharacteristically hemmed and hawed and dragged my feet on helping my son make what would ultimately be his decision. Oh, and another thing that sorta haunted me about this car is that salvage title vehicles car will always be significantly worth less than a comparable car with a "clean" title.

While our son said he would keep the car for "ten years or more" to wring as much value out of it as possible, another concern I had was if he had to get rid of it while still owing on it, ditching a rear wheel drive sports car here in north east Ohio is tough enough let alone anything with a "rebuilt" title. However, taking everything into consideration, seeing how solid the car was, how much  information we had on it, and my willing to take it off his hands should he want to part ways with it, I was ok with whatever decision he made. With that, he made up his mind to purchase it.

Well, snooze you lose. No sooner had he made up his mind to make the purchase when someone else thought it a good buy too and beat us to the punch.

1991 Nissan Figaro - Now It's Just Old

I'd seen this car several times before in the parking garage of the gym I go to but always crunched for time, I never took photos of it until the other day. The last time I saw it I saw a woman in her mid thirties driving it out of the garage and I was taken back by someone so young driving such a quirky, old and exotic car. It reminded me of the gypsy hearts I saw as a kid who drove small, European cars as opposed to the enormous American iron of the day. I mean, wow, what other than a devil make care vagabond forgoes modern reliability, comfort and performance for something as frivolous as a prop from an Audrey Hepburn film? Well, imagine my crushing disappointment when I found out this car was not manufactured by Fiat, Citroen or Alfa Romeo but by...Nissan. Yup. This ain't some dainty 1950's European runabout but a 1991 Nissan Figaro. A what?

Not that Nissan builds a bad car by any means but when I found out this was a Nissan every romantic notion I had went out its proverbial convertible canvas top. That's not to say, though, that this little car is not without merit and viewed in the context of 2019 and not 1991, it's not as pretentious as it once was. Especially now that it's as old or almost as old as the cars it once attempted to harken. I'll park my confused sentiments about it and attempt to get at more concrete and emotion free observations about it.

I should have known this was something other than what I thought it was when I saw what appeared to be a modern radio perfectly integrated into the dash board. You see old cars with after market radios blighting otherwise old and artistic dashes all the time but this was different - it looked like it came from the factory because it did! The seats appeared strangely modern too but I thought, holding onto the last shreds of romanticism that I could, that someone might have done an interior swap sometime in the last fifty or sixty years. Everything else about it seemed like it came out of post war Europe. Sorry, I didn't take a picture of the interior because while people don't like their cars photographed in the first place, running the risk of getting caught snapping the interior was not the way I wanted to start the day.

So, what was a Nissan Figaro? Debuting in 1989, under the theme "Back to the Future", the Figaro joined the Austin Mini-like Nissa Pao, the pun-intended S-Cargo van, and the period-styled micro Nissan Be-1 in what was the first wave of retro styled automobiles. Yeah, this was before the "New Beetle", the '94 Ford Mustang and a whole bunch of other throw back cars. Exclusive to the Japanese market, buyers loved them so much that not only did Nissan quickly sell out of every batch they pushed out, they had to resort to a lottery system to help deal with demand and to avoid dealer mark ups. Originally slated for just 8,000 or so units, Nissan eventually increased production to a grand total of just 20,073. And then, oddly enough, that was it. The Nissan Figaro was a one year only "phenomenon". Just as well.

Built on top of a mundane but well engineered, and also exclusive to Japan, first generation Nissan Micra, some "Figs" made their way to the U.K. while a smattering made their way here. Makes sense since the U.K. got some seeing that it's right hand drive country like Japan is but these unicorns that made it all the way to the U.S. are really special. Not to mention one that made its way all the way to a parking garage in friggin' Cleveland, Ohio. I don't want to know the real story - there's no way it's half as good as something I could conjure.

While I love me some resto-mods, I've never been much of a retro styling kind of girl so the throw back appeal of the Figaro is lost on me. I'd much rather buy an old car and modernize rather than buy something new that allegedly looks old. So, with this thing now as old as it is, what are we to make of it? Good question. I guess it's not unlike people we all know who were old when they were young.  Now that they are old, they're just old.

1979 Cadillac Coupe deVille D'Elegance - I Wish You Well, My Love



Although I'm a fan of 1977-1984 Cadillac Coupe deVille's and this big old beast flirts with me daily...I wish it wouldn't. It's not that I don't have the room for it although with seven cars in my name at the present I certainly don't...but there's always room for one more, right? Well, thing is, even at a bargain basement asking price of just $4,000 and only 78,000 on the clock, I want no part of this thing because it's a "D'Elegance".

Offered on Deville and Fleetwood models beginning in 1977, I've never been able to determine where in the Cadillac pecking these D'Elegance models sat. Where they top of the line or some odd off shoot of a base model with a plusher interior? Without window stickers or access to RPO codes, I can only speculate that Cadillac had these cars sitting at the top of their lineup. Speaking of sitting, sitting on these seats felt like sitting on a lumpy couch with something stuck under the cushions you can't get rid of. And just like sitting on an old couch, no two seating positions ever felt the same.



So, what did you get for ponying up for a D'Elegance? Aside from a throw pillow interior, you got nothing more than you 'd get on a base Cadillac with a cloth interior. While the interior of the D'Elegance was arguably more attractive than the base model's plebeian cloth, at least when new, I've never seen a D'Elegance of this vintage whose seating wasn't sun bleached and didn't smell like an old man who rolled around in a cat litter box. And then, again, there's the issue of how back breaking uncomfortable they are.



On this particular car that's a shame since otherwise, save for the rear filler panels rotting out and a rust bubble ouchie right there, it appears to be in great shape. All it needs to come alive at stop lights is a manifold and carb swap along with a set of 3.08:1 gears to wake up the ole 425 engine. Stiffen up the shocks and springs (without lowering the whole thing) and replace the horrible wheel covers with fancy Cadillac fake wire wheel covers, somehow those are cool, and this car would be a real winner. All that for about the same cost as to replace that awful interior with professionally installed, period correct leather trimmed thrones.



However, the interior swap with the powertrain and suspension mods along with the purchase price of the vehicle makes the value proposition of this grand old dame a hard if not impossible pill to swallow. And that's too bad. She deserves better than to sit in a used car lot on the cusp of what "The Farmer's Almanac" predicts will be a brutal North East Ohio winter. I wish you well, my love. Please find shelter. Soon.

1980 Chevrolet Corvette - Perfectly Fine By Me

I turned 16 in March of 1980 and there was no telling me anything about anything. Especially stuff about my beloved Corvette being a creaky, sloppily built ox cart of a "sports car" that couldn't hold a tailpipe to the Porsche 928 and other real sports cars from over seas. Nope. Didn't want to hear it and even if I did hear it, I wasn't believing it because when you're 16 and you know-it-all,  nothing beats a Corvette. Besides, how was I to know at that time that something that looked like this couldn't cash checks their looks would have a dumb ass 16 year old me believe they could?

While the automotive press wailed incessantly about the Corvette not getting any updating since 1968, well, updating that they deemed worthy of praise, I, for one, stood up and cheered like the sophomore I was about the revisions Chevrolet bestowed on the magnificent plastic flanks for 1980. Revisions I thought brought together fairly big changes they made back in 1978. You know, the move to that fastback "hatch" thing that did away with the luscious "sugar scoop" or tunnel ram that defined the rear of the car from 1968-1977. Honestly, as much of a fan of the "C3" as I am, I pump the brakes big time when it comes to the 1978 and 1979 models.

If Chevrolet "Jumped the Shark" with Corvette in 1978 and 1979, they erased those episodes with the glorious 1980 model. Thanks to subtle and not so subtle changes, what had turned into an awkward, "what the hell? for 1978, in the blink of an eye became a complete, resolute and thoroughly satisfying update. So strong, at least through my eyes, was the 1980 freshening that I believe the changes made for 1980 were originally part of the changes made to the car for 1978. GM being GM, they held off on all the good stuff to save money and to give them time to complete a long over due "all new" Corvette. Time "bought" with the updating for 1980.

In addition to a handsome duck tail spoiler on the rear end for 1980, a design element so cool that many an owner of earlier "C3's" has added to their cars, and a hunky front chin air dam, GM made other updates to Corvette for 1980 that weren't as readily apparent. Thanks to lighter, thinner glass, lighter doors, a different manufacturing process for the fiberglass body and aluminum rear suspension components, engineers were able to shave more than two hundred fifty pounds of curb weight off the body on rigid iron frame old lady. With 1968-1979 C3's weighing more than thirty five hundred pounds, dropping more than two hundred fifty of them was worth honking your horn over. Sadly, it being the height of the so called "Malaise Era", with engines still clogged by primitive emissions gear, the weight savings didn't add up to improved performance or gas mileage. Hey, our subject here could been worse. Had this been a California car, it would have come with a 305 engine since GM wasn't able to certify the bigger huffin' 350 for the Golden State's strict emissions standards.

That all said, was I disappointed that Corvette remained unchanged for all those years at the time? To some degree I believe so but that was only in blind anticipation of a new Corvette that would somehow and impossibly so, usurp the C3 in design, scope and reach. No Corvette since has come close to the C3 and seeing that Corvette is now a mid-engine, Ferrari/Lamborghini what the effing eff, Corvette never will be. And that's perfectly fine with me.

2002 Honda CRV - One Night Stand



My wife and I thought our search for a vehicle for our younger son had ended when we bought this cute-as-a-button, 2002 Honda CR-V. Adorable, isn't it? And I was so proud of myself for buying something staid, responsible and, I guess I'm finally growing up, practical. Looks can be so deceiving.

I blame my myopia for this near unmitigated disaster when it comes to Japanese anything. Especially Honda's. Despite this CR-V having some 124,000 miles on the clock and priced a couple of grand less than comparable CR-V's of its vintage with similar mileage, myopic me ignored its rusty underbelly and dove in head first. I plopped down checks totally more than five grand and drove off with a seventeen year old cute-ute that came with a warranty. How could I go wrong? Best was our twenty year old son, who could care less about what he drove, was ecstatic. Win-win.

I didn't notice a thing wrong on several test drives one of which included a fairly long traipse at speed on I-480 south of Cleveland. Solid as a rock with an interior that looked like it was freeze dried and teleported from the late '90's, our "practicality first" little cross over seemed like a dream come true. Oh, and she came with a thrusty and thrifty, 2.4 liter four cylinder engine that pulled like a freight train. I liked this thing so much that I thought about using it myself and giving our son my Monte Carlo.

After I bought it and with the ink on the temp tags still dewy I dropped it off at our local service center and for a mere fifty-three dollars, had them check the thing out bumper to bumper. Armed with warranty, anything really, really wrong would be covered under warranty. They did the same thing on our Mustang after we bought it and it got straight A's. For the most part; we are talking about pretty old used vehicles. Seeing what a savvy used car buyer I think I am, I fully expected close to the same grades on this Honda. After all, it's a freakin' Honda, right?

Imagine my horror when the report came back that our little Honda needed repairs totaling almost what we paid for it. Bad brakes, calipers, brake lines, CV joints and boots (on both sides), leaky coolant lines, leaking AC condenser. tires that were misshapen and dry rotting. Worn out struts.  Gosh, what else was there? My mechanic said it looked as though it had been submerged in ocean water or a long time. He was amazed at that too considering how pristine the body and interior were. Underneath, though, you could tell that something was seriously off about this thing. I saw that too before I bought it but a little voice inside my head said it was nothing to worry about since it was a Honda. Yeah. And the Titanic was unsinkable.

I could certainly do the work myself but Honda parts are expensive and with my starting a new job with a monster commute, my time was going to be limited. Worst was, nothing that needed to be done was covered under the warranty that came with the full asking price I paid for. I felt foolish and that I had been had. Good grief. What was I to do?

Enraged and panic stricken, not a good combination for rational conversation with a used car lot, I vehemently demanded I get a refund. And to my surprise, I did. Armed with erroneous information from my wife that buyers have "three days" to change their minds when it comes to vehicle purchases, I contacted the dealership and told them about the issues with what they had just sold me, with receipts and a video of the inspection that clearly showed the under carriage of the CR-V to look as though it had spent a hundred year plus at the bottom of the Atlantic.

Again, to my amazement, the dealership caved and took it back returning the checks that hadn't cashed yet. Wow. They did, to their credit or discredit or whatever, did ask me if there was anything else on the lot I'd be interested in. Thanks but no thanks. I was happy as a sophomore to have the damn thing out of my driveway and out of my life.

Funny thing is, there is no rule about buyers having three days to change their mind when it comes to buying a used vehicle. At least in the state of Ohio. While a return policy on purchases is a staple of outlets like CARMAX, in most cases, any such thing is clearly up to the dealership. If anything, what tilted things in our favor was that we had a reputable, name brand repair shop do the inspection and turned over receipts and the video to the dealership. That was overwhelming. Also, time was of the essence. I believe if we waited even a week out chances of getting a refund would have been greatly diminished.

All in, my wife and I owned this Honda CR-V for a total of, give or take a half hour here or there, thirty six hours. Seeing that we have a tendency to keep vehicles for two to three if not four times longer than most people do, our owning this bowling ball on wheels amounted to a one night stand.