1989 Oldsmobile Touring Sedan - The Illusion of Affluence

I was westbound on the Ohio Turnpike the other day when I spotted a boxy little thing on a vehicle transporter in the center lane that looked familiar from a quarter mile or so away. The stubby but attractive three-box-body, the glistening directional alloy rims, chunky tires and tasteful, oh-so-'80's cladding, Yup, it could have been only one thing, a late 1980's, Oldsmobile Touring Sedan. I found this '89 online for illustrative purposes, the only difference is that flatbed Olds was silver. 

As I passed by it, just like that, I was 24 years old again looking up at what I perceived at the time to be an aspirational purchase of wealthy, muckity mucks. Growing up strapped and wanting for most everything, the trappings of "the rich" fascinated me. What was it like to be able to buy anything you wanted? And not buy it? Funny how old cars in the condition we remember them in when they were new are such wonderful time machines. We change; they don't. Imagine what a kick in the head it was to me when I realized that many people who look "rich", ain't rich. 

Well, the real rich or posers weren't buying these cars. Oldsmobile sold less than 5,000 Touring Sedans a year from 1987 through 1990. That was somewhat understandable given these were niche vehicles, but the lack of Touring Sedan sales was a symptom of a larger problem General Motors had with their "Rocket" division; Oldsmobile sales were plunging overall. From a peak of just over a million units sold in 1984, 1985 and 1986 to approximately half that in 1990. 

In particular, "98" sales, these cars are "98's" in leg warmers, were way off. These "little" 98's came out in 1985, and they sold well, Oldsmobile moving 122,421 units in a protracted 1985 model year. They sold just 48,022 in 1990 the last year for these cars before an abortive upsizing for 1991. Numbers don't lie; something was wrong. But what? 

For Oldsmobile in the late '80's, it was all about timing. Bad timing. Just as they rebooted their entire lineup, after years of vilifying it, "Boomers" were coming into money and when they looked to make an aspirational automobile purchase, forget Oldsmobile or anything domestic, those crazy kids went straight to the German car store. 

In fairness, it was akin to an earthquake how quickly the market shifted on Oldsmobile from 1986 to 1987 with sales dropping by nearly 300,000 year-over-year. And they kept on dropping as the '80s melted into the '90's. But that's the way it happens. Like a favorite, aging athlete having one inexplicably bad game. And like that athlete, Oldsmobile never had another good game. Again, though, in Oldsmobile's case, the game changed. No longer could Oldsmobile be all things to all people. Between us girls, how they did so for as long as they did was, in my opinion, more perplexing than their demise was. 

Certainly, didn't help that General Motors sold so many different versions of the same car. Pontiac, Buick and Cadillac all got one of these, curiously, Chevrolet did not. And they were, let's be honest, variations on a theme versus being truly different from each other. 

When Olds buyers checked the Touring Sedan box, they got an Oldsmobile 98 with the FE3 sports suspension which came with firmer springs, gas-charged struts, a quicker steering rack, fatter anti-roll bars, and 16-inch, directional alloy rims with fat tires. They also got a unique interior with front buckets and a floor-shifter; the first Oldsmobile sedan ever sold with an automatic transmission shifter inside a console. Heady stuff for an Oldsmobile four-door sedan in the late 1980's. 

As much as I liked these cars, however, back in the day, I wouldn't have been caught dead driving one. Why? Because, he says sheepishly, the ladies would've thought I was driving someone else's car or worse yet, my father's car. When you're in your teens, it's impressive, or was back then, to be seen simply driving. By the time you're in your mid-twenties, it's about what you're driving. And an Oldsmobile Touring Sedan, despite its handsome good looks and capable nature, wasn't a good look for this young troubadour. 

Not that I could have afforded one.

 

1960 Pontiac Catalina - Jet Age Dreams

To my parent's generation, 1960 was their "2000". A time so far off in the future it didn't seem possible that they'd ever get there. When they were kids, they'd dream of a space age future full of cars that were jet powered and would whisk them to where they were going seemingly in the blink of an eye. When 1960 came around, what did they get? Cars like this Pontiac Catalina. I found this on Marketplace recently for sale down near Akron. Asking price is $30,000. I know. Wow. 

1960 came and went and with it, another semi-reboot for General Motors. And the results were, umm, mixed. Cadillac and Chevrolet benefitted greatly from the model year calendar flip, Buick, Oldsmobile and Pontiac? Welp, in my opinion, not so much. GM's full-sized middle children didn't hit their stride design wise until 1961. 

Pontiac first used "Catalina" in 1950 to denote their version of the GM A-body hardtop on their Chieftan series; they added it to their Star Chief line in 1954 and Super Chief in 1957. Thus, through 1958, all Pontiac two- and four-door hardtops were "Catalina's".

In 1959, Catalina became its own distinct model replacing the Chieftan and Super Chief as Pontiac's "junior" models below the Bonneville. Trust me, you're not alone here thinking that Pontiac's model name schematics were a tad wonky in the '50's. Chieftain, Star Chief, Super Chief, Bonneville, Catalina and so on. 

Our '60 Catalina here part of GM's infamous class of 1959 models that were, without question, some of the most outrageously, if not ridiculously over-styled automobiles of all time. Seemed Harley Earl and company lost their minds when they saw Chrysler's new-for-1957 models in the fall of 1956 and rushed like hell to redo their 1958 lineup smearing every ounce of cream cheese frosting they could muster onto their designs, but they didn't get to the church on time. So, what were supposed to be the mad dash '58's became the '59's. The rest, as we say, is history. 

Good news was, Harley Earl was retiring and his protege, Bill Mitchell was put it in charge. Mr. Mitchell, whom I adore, did his best to tone down the '59's for 1960 but there was only so much he could do with the albatrosses he was given. So, if you're not a fan of a particular 1959 GM vehicle, chances are you wouldn't like the 1960 models. 

Curiously, for 1960, Mr, Mitchell and his team dropped the distinctive, pinched, split-grill motif that was introduced on the '59's. I know I'm not alone being a fan of it since it came back in 1961 and was a styling staple of all Pontiac's right to the bitter end. 

Without it, again, just my two cents here, our '60 Catalina here is rather generic looking old barge. it could be a Ford or a Mercury, a Chrysler or a DeSoto. One that's in pretty good shape too although, what's with the back window on the convertible top? 

Thirty-grand seems all the money in the world for this thing although I'm jaded because I've had my fill of hard to drive, ill-handling, under powered jalopies. I never thought I'd be "that guy" but here I am! 

To my parent's generation, though, we have to remember that they grew up not only at the end of the horse and buggy era, but the cars they first experienced were spindly, sputtering Model T type cars that rode like wagons with square wheels. Cars like this big Poncho rode like they were on clouds and when you closed up the windows and had the top up, were the picture of modern perfection. 

I guess their jet age dreams did come true. 

 

1956 Lincoln Premiere - Lavender Creme Puff

What in the name of Sam Hill is this? Some sort of Packard or Imperial? Nope. Try again. Studebaker? Henry J? Kaiser? Hudson? Wrong again, hubcap breath. It's a 1956 Lincoln Premiere. This lavender creme puff popped up on Marketplace recently with an asking price of, you better sit down in your color coordinated leather seats, $35,500. 

The Premiere was new for 1956 and was Lincoln's top-of-the-line model sub-planting the "Capri" at the top of Lincoln's two-model lineup. Going back to 1952, the Capri was the end all and be all Lincoln, what they called the Cosmopolitan was their "entry-level" model. I don't know what was worse; the design of the cars or what they called them. 

Not only was the Premiere a far better name for a car, but the cars themselves where the best-looking things Lincoln came up with since Edsel Ford introduced the first Continental in 1939.

Lincoln had a tough go of it in the 1950's. Cadillac ate not only their lunch, but their breakfast, dinner, midnight snacks and Sunday brunch. Lincoln sold only 317,371 cars from 1950 through 1959 meanwhile Cadillac sold 1.2 million. That was because Cadillac owned the narrow, domestic luxury car niche through economies of scale, marketing and styling. That they also had an image of engineering innovation although that was beginning to wane as features once exclusive to Cadillac began to trickle down to "lesser" GM makes and models. Lincoln did themselves no favors either in the years after the war coming with designs that looked exactly like what they were - tarted up Mercury's. Perhaps the inverse was true; not that it mattered. This car shares its underpinnings with the Mercury Montclair. 

The Lincoln Motor Company was founded by Henry Leland in 1917, somewhat ironically, he also founded Cadillac but was forced out after General Motors purchased Cadillac from him in 1908. Things didn't go as well for Mr. Leland the second time around and with his new company all but bankrupt, Henry Ford bought it from him for a song in 1922 and put his son Edsel in charge of it. 

Lincoln's first post-war designs were, frankly, especially in comparison to Cadillac, a tad out there and not in a good way. While they did have some rather handsome and memorable designs before the war, after the war was a different story. 

In my opinion, their best-looking model of the 1950's were these cars. Designer Bill Schmidt, who drew up the fabulous if not over-the-top 1955 Lincoln Futura concept car, recycled much of the Futura when he penned these cars. Save for the front end that's nothing if not ordinary, there's not a bad line on it. 

This '56 Lincoln is, without question, the only Lincoln made between 1945 and 1960 I'd seriously consider although I chafe at the asking price for this one. Funny, I wouldn't think twice about dropping that much on a '56 Cadillac in this condition. The wife might have a hard to approving that purchase order, though. 

The Marketplace ad is light on the details; there's no information as to how original this car is or not. I can't imagine it is all that original, looks like someone dropped a ton restoring it and is now attempting to recoup their losses. Or expenditures. 

That person won't be me. Will it be you? 

 

1974 Jensen Interceptor III - What Does Zuckerberg Know (That I Don't?)

Facebook Marketplace's algorithms are kind of crazy, aren't they? The other day I was searching for parts for my 1991 Corvette and this 1974 Jensen Interceptor popped up. Go figure. Maybe Zuckerberg knows something I don't? Must say, I've always found these cars as interesting as a flaming car wreck. You thank goodness you're not involved but you can't look away. 

                                 

This "basket case", as we call cars that need literally and figuratively everything, is for sale down in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with an asking price of $5,500. If the asking price makes you chuckle, there are issues with the title that we need to straighten out before we make the traipse south to pick it up. While the engine does not start, it does crank and it being in Florida, there's minimal if any rust. Am I joking? Seriously? You have to ask? 

So, what are these things that resemble cars I used to scribble I was a kid? Full disclosure, I still do. 

                                     

They were built between 1966 and 1976 and were the brainchild of English automobile parts purveyors Alan and Richard Jensen who dabbled, make that more like doodled, in automobile design. The Jensen' brothers supplied parts to a number of manufacturers including Austin and Volvo and in their spare time, would work on cars of their own design. One of those designs was something they called the "Interceptor". 

  

The car's bodies were designed by Italian design house Carrozzeria Touring, and were built, by hand, in Italy by Vignale. Where they were built wasn't Alan and Richard's choosing. Being crack car builders, they would have preferred they were built in England, but the team they put together to manage their company insisted the cars be built in Italy. The Jensen's left the company shortly after production began in 1966. 

                                         

Only 6408 Interceptors were built making our sunbaked lounge lizard here pretty unique. Interceptors were very expensive and were the "cars of the stars" fifty-years ago. Farrah Fawcett drove one, golfing legend Jack Nicklaus and Jon Bonham of Led Zeppelin too. 

Poster of the ad says the car needs a complete restoration. That won't be inexpensive. 

                                         

This car will need to be dismantled; parts cataloged and then painstakingly put back together. The whole process could take years. 

                                          

Interceptors in good condition are valued at around $50,000, ones in Concours shape more than $120,000. Before you rush down to Lauderdale thinking this is a sitting gold mine, understand those are pie-in-the-sky numbers. Just because something is valued at something doesn't mean it will go for that or would be easy to sell. 

                                          

These cars were never profitable for Jensen and powered by Chrysler's 440 cubic-inch V-8 and three-speed Torque Flite transmission, were terrible on gas. The United States was the most popular market for them and the energy crisis kicked in the glass hatch on sales that weren't very good in the first place. 

                                          

The company in its "original form" went under in 1976. Another group of investors attempted to build all but the same cars in 1983 building just 14. Yet another tried again in 1990 through 1993 building 36 copies before throwing in the towel. 

                                

Can't wait to see what Meta has in store for me the next time I search for bucket seats for my 1991 Corvette. 

1983 Oldsmobile 98 Regency - Stab It and Steer!

Back in the early '80's when I worked as a porter in the kitchen at South Nassau Communities Hospital in Oceanside, New York (now Mount Sinai South Nassau), a likeable wannabee hot shot I worked with named Billy sometimes drove to work in his father's 1983, black on red, Buick Electra Park Avenue. Seems kind of odd now that a kid of such means had such a menial job, but his dad wanted to him have a "dirty job" before becoming a desk jockey. I, naturally, was enamored with the car and told him so. He thanked me for the complement and said, "if you think this is nice, my mother's (Olds) 98 is even nicer". Based on the leather thrones in this '83 "98", seems Billy was right. Billy and I then went on a drive in the big Buick and beat the tar out the poor thing. 

Wow, this is some setup, I want to stick my face in that soft leather and if I could, I'd eat it. Wasn't Oldsmobile slotted below Buick on the GM totem pole? You could say that the Buick Electra was nicer than a Cadillac back then too. Hmm, seems there may have been some interdivisional rivalries going on back then that helped to blur GM brand identity beyond recognition. Gosh, ya think? 

Anyway, General Motors made some luxurious looking interiors in the 1980's. Problem was, as they aged, the injection molded plastic dash and door trim dried out and cracked. That fading and cracking made the acres of plastic wood grain trim appear to be as cheap as it was. 

That's why to see the interior on this 98 in the shape it's in after all these years is astonishing. This car popped up on Marketplace recently and despite it having too many doors and a paint color only a Lawrence Welk diehard would sign up for, the interior sucked me in like Billy's father's Buick Electra did years ago. 

Asking price was $10,000 which seemed fairly steep for a 42-year-old GM "C-body" four-door, but I can't find it anymore. Seems someone gobbled it up and is now sitting in the lap of luxury in those luscious leather thrones. I'm kind of jealous. 

This came with a freshly rebuilt Oldsmobile "Rocket 350" V-8 engine from a 1970 Oldsmobile Cutlass; I'll take their word for it as there were no pictures of it. Engine came with a new Holley four-barrel, short throw headers and straight pipes. Billy's old man's Buick never sounded like this would. Hey, Billy, stab it and steer! 

The Olds 350 would be a marked improvement over whatever powered this originally and although probably no screaming muscle car, would get up to highway pace more than amply. Trust me on that one. My 1982 Buick Riviera had the 148-horsepower, Oldsmobile 307 V-8 and passing semi-trucks had to be planned weeks if not months in advance. 

Curious as to why they went with an Oldsmobile engine. Originality is meaningless on a car like this, brand loyalty running less than skin deep too, especially for a 42-year-old "orphan". Perhaps this was originally powered by an Olds "350 Diesel" and the install was easier? Who knows. 

Car came with a rebuilt Turbo 400 transmission although the 200R4 it came from the factory with is still in the car. I'd be concerned the 200R4 couldn't handle the Olds 350's torque after a while, especially the way I'd drive it; nice to have a backup! Fuel economy of the Turbo 400 and the Olds 350 would be terrible, not that it would be anything to write home about with the 200R4. 

The "98" was Oldsmobile's range-topper from 1952 through 1996 although, if you want to split hairs, it was only until 1991. From 1992 to 1996, in an attempt to "hippen" Oldsmobile's brand image, the Olds "98" became the Olds "Ninety-Eight". The short lived but wonderful Aurora replaced the Ninety-Eight at the top of the Olds heap in 1995 although, and this must have been awkward to explain, Oldsmobile sold both in 1995 and 1996. 

Our '83 here is part of the last run of "real" '98's that Oldsmobile debuted in 1977. Yes, I say with tongue firmly in cheek. The '77's were downsized but they still had much of the same fluffy ethos the 98 had going back to 1952. That ethos so strong, apparently, that it eventually permeated the Oldsmobile brand to such a degree that even the Aurora couldn't shift the public's paradigm that Oldsmobiles meant, literally and figuratively, "old". GM pulled the plug on Oldsmobile after the 2004 model year. 

Last I knew of Billy, he was working as the top dog desk jockey in the kitchen of a large hospital in the Bronx. I have no idea what he drives. 

1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais - Tell Me Why

Oh, come on. Another General Motors "G-body"? Well, this 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais is actually an "A-body", GM intermediates didn't become "G-bodies" until 1982. It popped up on my Marketplace feed recently with a $18,000 asking price. Yes. Eighteen. Thousand. Dollars. 

Far be it for me to question how someone spends their money, but I'd love to know who would think dropping $18,000 on this is a good idea. I'm all about being convinced it is because I don't. 

For eighteen-large, buyer gets an entry-level, downsized Oldsmobile Cutlass with just 15,000-miles on its 47-year-old analog ticker. Color coordinated interior and wheel covers too! Well, at least it's not a slanty-back Cutlass Salon. 

And, oddly enough, in a nod to Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE), it's got a five-speed manual transmission. Despite the bucket seats, these shifters were not inside a console but rather stuck up plainly up out of the floor. Charming on a Volvo, Saab or Volkswagen, not so much on an Oldsmobile. 

That five-speed backs up one of the sadder sack V-8's of the "Malaise Era", Oldsmobile's 110-horsepower, 260 cubic-incher. Oldsmobile came out the 260 in 1975 for their Omega, but they also put into the Cutlass through 1982. You can also find it in 1975-1977 Pontiac Ventura's and LeMans' and 1975-1977 Buick Skylark's. While heavier than Buick's V-6, it did provide almost the same mileage as the V-6 and ran smoother. I've driven a number of Oldsmobile's with the 260 but they were all automatics. They. Were. Very. Slow. 

Seems a shame to spend all that money on this and hot rod it. As it is, though, it makes little sense. To me at least especially at this price point. I'm also not the biggest fan of GM's 1978-1987 intermediates. Perhaps this makes sense to you. Tell me why below! 

 

1977 Chrysler New Yorker - What Would Don Draper Think?

I rubbed my eyes twice this morning when this 1977 Chrysler New Yorker popped up on Facebook Marketplace with an asking price of just $4,500. She looks super clean, just under 80,000-miles on her 48-year-old ticker, 440 V-8 engine, leather interior. Something's got to be wrong, right? 

Well, yeah. There is. Turns out she's not running, issues with the engine's timing chain. The nylon timing gears got old, brittle and either wore down or broke off throwing off timing. Thrown timing could damage engine internals so, in addition to the expense of fixing the timing problems, you might be looking at some serious internal engine repair. However, don't look at this as so much as a challenge but as an opportunity to turn this near two-and-a-half-ton monster into the sleeper of your dreams! How fast shall we spend? 

To be safe, budget around $6,000 to do anything right which, of course, negates any value proposition the car might have had. I'd toss the 440, swap in a HEMI although the cost of them varies as greatly as the number of different ones made over the last twenty-years or so; any of them a serious upgrade from the 440. Keep in mind, ball parking an estimate to fix the timing issues on the 440 will run at least $2,000. And then what do you have if that was all it needed? A 1977 Chrysler New Yorker that's as doggish as it was the day it left the factory. 

Power, though, is nothing without control and we've all driven cars that were fast and furious in a straight line. Going around corners these Chrysler C-bodies are more Kenworth than Carrera. There's not much in the way of after-market suspension modifications out there for them, in particular if you want to keep the cars stock looking like I would. Sadly, there's only so much you can do. 

These big Mopar two-door sedans, forget the four-doors, are some of my favorite cars of the 1970's. Why? Obviously, I have a longing for a benevolent, patriarchal "alpha-male" figure in my life, that I never had, that would drive such an automobile. By the late '70's, though, that "Don Draper" that walked the walk and talked the talk were day had fallen out of fashion. Additionally, growing up with wanting for everything, my childhood longing has a tendency to manifest itself in romanticizing the audacious trappings of the wealthy from my youth. And you thought I simply liked these cars. Which, of course, I do although through older, foggier goggles, I see them for what they are as opposed to what I want them to be.  

Much like many a wealthy looking person who's actually penniless, with Chrysler pushing out enormous dream boats like this in the mid-to-late-'70's, you wouldn't have a clue the company was on the brink of bankruptcy if you didn't know better. And, like many a wealthy (looking) person headed for that financial brick wall, it wasn't one single event that led them to that point but years of bad choices and bad planning. Or a lack of planning. 

Chrysler made these cake toppers, which I think are better "Cadillacs" than anything General Motors pushed out in the 1970's, through 1978. The awful "R-body" New Yorker followed, which didn't come as a coupe, from 1979 through 1981 before Chrysler's great K-Car epoch came into being that I wanted and still want nothing to do with. 

Don Draper looked away in disgust too longing for a car like this. Imagine what he'd think of it if it had a HEMI?