1978 Ford Futura

Huggie Bear is Laughing Out Loud But Ford Had the Last Laugh

As a lover of over sized LTD's and Impalas I was saddened by these "little" cars

It’s the dead of winter, if you can call what we’ve had so far “winter” and you know I must be running out of cars that I found last summer when I dig into the vault and pull out the Futura.

In the 1950s, the Lincoln Futura show car provided the basis for the Batmobile later used in the Batman TV series

When I came of car driving age GM, Ford and Chrysler (“The Big Three”) were going through their now legendary downsizing phase. I found GM’s downsizing efforts to be actually quite good on their fullsize line. The Chevrolet Impala/Caprice, Pontiac Bonneville/Catalina, Buick LeSabre/Park Avenue, Olds 88/98 and my faves, the Cadillacs were very well done. For the most part, though, I was clinically depressed by their mid size offerings; the Chevrolet Monte Carlo, Buick Regal, Oldsmobile Cutlass and Pontiac Grand Prix. Not sure what to make of Cadillac’s Seville back then class wise. Wait, I know! It was in a class by itself. Haha. By golly I could’ve written ad copy for General Motors at the tender age of 14. Now, if I was bummed out by GM’s mid sizers I was nearly driven to dad’s sauce by all of the offerings from Ford and Chrysler. For the purpose of this essay we’ll focus just on Ford and their Futura (pictured) and Fairmont. Oh, for the record I hit the Coca Cola and Entenman’s rather than dad’s stash of Canadian Club.  

In the early 1960s, the Ford Falcon had a specialty coupe submodel called Futura. This Ford Futura was a submodel of the Ford Fairmont in the late 1970s.

Ew. Depression central for this car loving teenager in the late ’70’s who was a child of “bigger is better”. Fire up the time machine, Sherman, and take me back to 1964 because I didn’t want to see what came in the ‘80’s if cars like the Ford Futura were in any indication of what was coming in the future-ah. My dad, who was a car wonk like his middle son, would shake his head in disgust at the “small” cars coming out of Detroit back in the late ‘70’s. “Might as well be one of those Toyotas! That’s not a Ford!” Yeah, heaven forbid, dad.

Remarkably straightforward, simple and unpretentious design was a remarkable departure from what Ford had been offering prior

Beauty, as always, is in the eye of the beholder. For this car loving youngster nothing else but two tons plus and a giant all American V8 was going to suffice. What is OPEC anyway? Gas mileage? The environment? What?? C’mon, dude, you’re bummin' me out!

The simple and well thought out interior a refreshingly break from the clumsy designs of what came before it

Truth of the matter is OPEC and the two gas crisis’ they laid out on America forced the big three to rethink their product planning. That and the almost comically coincidental influx of Asian and European product in the ‘70’s. Aye carumba! Big cars didn’t stand a chance.

Key stuck in the ignition. Either that or the owner wants this car to be stolen.

There is some conjecture that GM knew that their all new for 1971 land yachts were too big and needed a sawzall. When the first gas crisis hit in late ’73 doubling the price of gas, sales of big iron went in the proverbial sewer. Not only were the cars gas guzzlers they also were hard to handle size wise. My dad’s 1972 Cadillac deVille so big that he routinely backed it into a tree behind our garage because he had trouble judging where the end of the car was.  And my dad was almost 6'-1". GM whipped out the blowtorch and lopped a foot of length and a thousand pounds off their big ones for 1977. Sorry. I’m Sunday driving here. Back to the Ford and their Futura.

You can take the car out of the '70's but you can't take the '70's out of the car.

As a big fan of Starsky and Hutch and their awesome Gran Torino, yes, that car was cool, Ford’s Futura here always left me cold. No doubt a spiritual, if anything, replacement for the “Gran Torino”, Huggie Bear would’ve had a great big belly laugh if he saw Starsky behind the wheel of this thing.  

The late '70's saw the dawn of massive warning labels on cars. Today, bells and chimes and flashing lights as well as restrictive electronic "nannies" protect you from yourself

When Ford came out with their new for ’78 Fairmont and our "sporty" Futura what fan of Ford's big ships could take them seriously? Not little young me at the time. But the thing is the ’78 Fairmont/Futura were breathes of fresh air compared to the lumbering land yachts that had come before them. Light on their suspensions with sprite acceleration from their way smaller engines that got much better fuel economy Ford had themselves a smash hit on their hands. So big in fact that first year sales of the Fairmont were greater than the 1965 Ford Mustang. That''s saying a lot. Huh? Yup. Imagine that. I being too young to drive and in a family that only drove block long Buicks and Cadillacs never got to drive one of these new but years later I did and I found them to be quite fun to drive. Not challenging to drive and maneuver like my dad’s Cadillac. Also, with an easy 20 miles per gallon these cars were the 40 mpg cars of their day compared to the 9-11 mpg dinosaurs back then. A car that’s fun and easy to drive and gets good mileage. Wow. What a concept. No wonder the Fairmont and the Futura were so successful.

The simple styling of the Futura inspired me to become a auto stylist. Who couldn't draw this, right?

Do I aspire to have one of these in my fantasy garage? No. While I’ve long given up on the notion that my taste in cars, new and old, is in any way shape matter or form in the mainstream of thinking, if I were to found an auto museum of American cars the 1978 Fairmont and Futura would have a slot behind a velvet rope as one of the most significant cars in Ford’s history. If not the entire history of American cars. 

High Five

 

My father never showed much emotion nor affection towards any of us. He never appeared to get  overly excited nor upset either although I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he wanted to express himself more; he just didn't know how to. One small way that he did was through high fives. If we passed each other in the catacomb like hallways of our tiny home on Long Island I could count on his hand coming out for a fiver. Those fleeting moments after those high fives the only times during my childhood that I remember a solid, warm feeling of everything being alright with the world.

My father's "chair", I called it "The Archie Bunker", sat in the living room just on the other side of the doorway to the room far, far away from our massive 19 inch, color! TV. When I'd sit in his chair I'd get a sense that his chair and its position in the room was not so much a throne but a guard position. From that chair my father, or anyone for that matter who sat in it able to see anyone who entered and who left the room at all times. My father sublimely seeking power. Halt. Who goes there.

Growing up in the emotional quagmire that was that Irish Catholic household, more often than not, it was the little signs like the high fives that indicated to me whether or not I was in the dog house or not. So, if that hand came out you slapped it hard because you knew that everything was as alright as it possibly could be. When I would leave that room with my father sitting in his chair I could count on his right hand being extended and that powerful, unspoken, "put it here".

My wife and I enjoy a very close relationship with our two teenage boys. We're very proud of them and the strong young men they've grown into. I have no doubt they will do well in whatever they choose to do with their lives both personally and professionally. That said though, there's always opportunities for affection.

In our home in Cleveland our den has a chair next to the entrance to it. I rarely sit there but our younger son, who's 14, has taken up permanent residence in it. That's his chair. It's easy to see why. It's got the best view of our massive 46 inch TV. More importantly, it gives him the ideal position to put out his hand out for me to high five whenever I pass by him which he does every time.
 

All's right with the world.

I'm (Jets) Green with Envy

A good team having a great day is going to beat a great team having a bad day.

Rodgers had a terrible day last Sunday so the Packers did too

Oh good lawd, the Giants are a game away from the Super Bowl. What happened, Mr. Discount Double Check? Acck! Us Jet fans adopted you as one of our own and we were so counting on you. Sadface.

Part of the fun of being a Jets fan is rooting against the Giants.

"Oh, but you should be happy because they're a New York team!" Why do people who are not from New York believe we all root for both teams? What about the Buffalo Bills? They're from New York, right? Really? So, why would I root for the Giants? Are Raider and Charger fans happy that the 49ers are in the NFC championship game this Sunday? They're all California teams. Was Cleveland happy that the Steelers went to the Super Bowl last year? They're both in the same part of the country and they're in the same division too. No, no, no. Were Giants fans rooting for the Jets the last two years when they were a game away from the Super Bowl? Are you kidding me? C'mon, man.

The Jets are in the AFC and the Giants are in the NFC so their regular season matchups are infrequent.

Half the fun of being a Jets fan is rooting against the Giants. A Jets win is much sweeter if the Giants lose, a Jets loss less bitter if the Giants lose. The opposite of this is true as well. When the Jets lose and Giants win it feels like I got a bad grade on a test and my biggest rival got an A. Oh, the humanity. The Giants stomping the Jets in week 15 of this past regular season the ultimate insult. Their inexplicable success this post season only adding more rock salt into the wound. If you're thinking I think that the Giants are just getting lucky guess what. You're RIGHT!

These brilliant commercials for State Farm Insurnace featuring "The Cheesehead Guy" have become a pop culture phenomenon.

For the record I'm of the opinion the Packers lost that game last Sunday as opposed to the Giants beating the Packers. Aaron Rogers, arguably the best quarterback in the NFL, picking that key game at storied Lambeau Field to have one of the worst games of his career. Perhaps he was tired from shooting the new State Farm commercials. Who knows. Great players do have bad days. Last time I checked they're human just like the rest of us.

The Jets one, ONE shining moment was January 12, 1969 when we beat the Colts in the Super Bowl. Seems like we've been paying for that day for 42 years. And counting.

Years ago when I was in Dallas I had dinner with Preston Pearson, who played on the Dallas Cowboys 1975, 1977 and and 1978 Super Bowl teams getting a ring with the Cowboys when they won Super Bowl XII in 1978. He got his first ring as a member of the Steelers in Super Bowl IV. He also played on the on the 1968 Colts team that lost to the Jets in Super Bowl III. He knows a thing or two about football. And winning and losing big games. I asked him how that great Colts team lost to the Jets. He said bluntly, "Jets had a better day than we did. They were a pretty good team. But, y'know, a good team having a great day is going to beat a great team having a bad day."

Here's to the 49ers having a better day than the Giants on Sunday.

Don't Play (Foot)ball in the House



Mom always said...

Owning a home is expensive but you can save a lot of money by doing things yourself. In the case of our hole in the wall here it's money not spent that's even better than saving money. You can  teach your children lessons above and beyond responsibility and accountability; they get to learn the most important lesson of all--a handy home improvement tip.

One day our boys were playing football in the basement; not just football but tackle football. Guess what happened next. After the yelling and screaming died down and the "he did its" went back and forth we had a fairly big hole in the basement wall. Excellent.

Fixing holes in sheetrock walls is not hard, it just requires knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power is not having to call a painter in and drop a couple of hundred dollars to repair something that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Regardless of the size of the hole in the wall here's all you need: fresh sheetrock (Lowe's and Home Depot sell 2X2 sheetrock panels for about $5), wall joint compound, pencil, spackling knife, sheetrock saw, power drill with screwdriver attachment, plywood, sheetrock screws, 3/4 inch drill bit, and a straight edge with level. Once you got all that let's get at it.

It's going to get worse before it gets better. First, we draw a box around our hole. We also take note of any obstructions that could complicate the project like a power line.

After you finish drawing the box around the hole cut out the box with a sheetrock saw. The father in me has to point out that you need to be as careful as possible not to cut into that live wire.

Important to clean as you go. Sawing sheetrock makes a lot of dust. The sound of the Dust Buster in mid-project also makes mom happy.

Next, take your plywood and cut to approximately a third larger than the size of the hole in the wall. Then drill a hole in the middle of the board so you can hold it up against the inside of the wall.

One of the toughest parts of this job is holding the plywood against the inside of the wall as you drill sheetrock screws into the outside of the hole to secure it. 

Measure the hole and cut a piece of sheetrock from the size of the hole. Once again be sure to clean as you go. Or cut this outside or in the garage. Minimizes the mess.

Then put the sheetrock patch against the plywood and put sheet rock screws in to secure it to the plywood.

I apply two to three thick coats of spackle to fill in nooks and crannies and then four if not five thin coats to get rid of any seams.

Toughest thing is matching the paint. Hopefully you have some paint leftover from when the wall had last been painted. In this case we were planning on repainting this room anyway so the boys lucked out. And I lucked out because I got to spend an hour or so with my son laughing and being silly.

It's A New York Thing

Being happy that the Giants are doing well because they're a New York team is like rooting for Canada in the Olympics because they're in the same hemisphere as the United States.

Folks from "one team towns" don't get to root for their team and against another right in their own backyard. 

I find no joy in the Giants success. In fact, with the Jets not in the playoffs and the Giants doing well I am miserable. When I gather enough strength to watch I pray they fail. When they do well I scream and turn the game off. I can't stand it. If I sound jealous then I am guilty. Guilty as charged.

The Giants moved to Giants Stadium in New Jersey in 1976. The Jets followed them out there in 1984. No, they didn't change the name of the stadium when the Jets played there. Acck!

I hope the Giants get blown to pieces by the Packers on Sunday. When they lose I will breathlessly and repeatedly mutter, "yes, oh yes..." as I do my Aaron Rogers touchdown dance over and over (discount double check!). My boys will shake their heads saying in disgust, "Dad, you're terrible". They're young and have lived in a number of different "one team" cities so they don't understand, "The New York Thing".

The Jets and Giants play in different conferences so their regular season meetings are far and few between.

To root for the Jets is to loathe the Giants. Y'see, I'm a New York fan who roots for one, ONE New York team and NOT both. I love the Yankees and the Met's eternal misery is divine. I root for the Rangers and LOL at the Islanders.  "Oh, but you should be happy that the Giants are doing well because they're a New York team". Wha?? Being happy that the Giants are doing well because they're a New York team is like rooting for Canada in the Olympics because they're in the same hemisphere as the United States.

The baseball Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers both left NY for California after the 1957 season. My father felt as bad as Giant and Dodgers fans did because there was no one left to root against. Until the Mets came along in 1962.  

It's all my father's fault. He taught me to hate the other team in town. He hated the Mets. He also hated the Dodgers and the (baseball) Giants. Back in his day you had your New York team and you rooted against the other New York team(s). Just the way it was and they way I am. It's a New York Thing.

There was a time, long ago, much to the lament of Rangers faithful, when the Islanders dominated the NHL. Oh, the pain. The pain.

The closest thing I experienced to that storied Yankees-Dodgers-Giants rivalry was Rangers-Islanders in the late '70s and '80s. There was nothing like the day of a game chiding on Islanders fans and piling it on even more the next day if the Rangers won. Like in 1979 when the Rangers beat the Islanders in the semi finals in six games. Never mind that the Rangers got killed the finals and the Islanders went on to four straight Cups. Ranger fans sure took it on the chin with the Islanders success from 1980-1984; four Stanley Cup wins in a row and five straight trips to the finals. Are you kidding me? But that was all part of the fun of being a NY sports fan. It's sad what the Islanders have become and it looks like they will be moving off Long Island after 2015. The Islanders suck so bad and have sucked so bad for so long I almost, almost feel sorry for them.

The Rangers have one Cup in the last three generations while the Islanders have four. Somehow, that one Rangers Cup is more significant than the Islanders four. It's that New York Thing.

When the Rangers finally won the Stanley Cup in 1994 it ended a Fifty-Four year drought for the Broadway Blues. By then the Islanders were just in the beginning stages of their remarkable generation long swoon. That made that Cup even more delicious for the Ranger faithful. Never mind that the Rangers won only one Cup; that one Cup was somehow more significant than the four in a row the Islanders had won. Why? It's a New York Thing.

No matter which way you look at it this was not a good day to be a Yankee fan.

This New York Thing does get dicey though when the New York team you root against plays another team you despise. In 1986 the Mets played the Boston Red Sox. Oye vey. Since to be  a Yankees fan is to hate the Red Sox, Yankee fans were screwed because we can't root for the Mets. Ugh. I think in the end us Yankee fans were happy to see Boston NOT win rather than see the Mets win. The Mets becoming the faceless team that beat the Red Sox.

Noooooooo!

When the Giants played the Patriots in the 2008 Super Bowl it was the same thing. To be a Jets fan is to hate the Patriots. I was very happy that the Patriots lost but to lose to the Giants? Sadness. 

My hero

Sunday I will channel my inner Lombardi, put a block of cheese on my head and blanch a tonsil everytime the Packers score. Go Packers!  

1974 Plymouth Road Runner - Fell Off A Cliff

"Meep-Meep!"

Chrysler paid Warner Brothers for their use of the Road Runner logo. Chrysler spent a small fortune developing the unique "meep-meep" horn

When my younger brother and I were kids we loved to watch Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner on Saturday mornings. We'd "meep-meep" when the Road Runner would  "meep-meep".  Our house on Long Island booming with the sound of us meeping, our subsequent laughter waking mom and dad. We'd pay dearly for waking them but we felt it was worth it. 

Is this what Starsky and Hutch drove? No. They drive a Ford Gran Torino.

We counted, on average, six incidences per episode where something happened to Wile E. that we felt resulted in his death. Whether that was falling thousands of feet off a cliff, with that distinctive fading whistle and puff of dust when he hit the ground, a 50 ton boulder crushing him, his bursting into flames or whatever, if something catastrophic happened to Wile E. during an episode and they cut to black, to us, Wile E. bit the big one. Yes, the cartoons (or shorts) were incredibly violent but really, are they any more violent than some video games today? 

We joked that they had a whole stash of coyotes waiting in the wings to replace the Wile E. that had just gotten killed. "Ok, he's dead! NEXT!" There were many times though that they cut back to Wile E. for us to see the aftermath. If he walked away from the incident or was somehow still breathing; in our mind he had not perished. Hey, it was a long time ago before the Internet, video games or cable TV. We had to entertain ourselves someway.

Federally mandated 5 mph bumpers for mucked up a lot car designs.

So, which came first the car or the cartoon? Let's cut to the, pun intended, chase---the cartoon did. The first cartoon where Wile E. Coyote chases The Road Runner through some desert landscapes was in 1948. There actually is a fowl known as "roadrunner" that is native to the southwestern U.S., Mexico and Central America. It doesn't look anything like the cartoon.

Based on the Plymouth Belvedere, the 1968 Road Runner was a lion in librarians clothing

The car came out in 1968. Designed to be a return to muscle car roots; a mid size sedan stripped to the bare bones of accessories and powered by a big engine just like the "original" muscle car, the 1964 Pontiac GTO, it sold well its first two years. It kept sales pace with established muscle cars from General Motors even outselling the (much more expensive) GTO. Chrysler had a special licencing deal with Warner Brothers to use the Road Runner logo and at considerable expense, Chrysler engineering developed the special "meep-meep" horn.  My brother and I believed the Road Runner "meeped" as opposed to "beeped".

The Road Runner Superbird was Plymouth's NASCAR design for 1970. Back then, if a manufacturer wanted to race they had to offer a version of the car for sale to the public. Hence the term, "stock car (racing)". Richard Petty was a big fan of this car.

While a restyle for 1970 complete with a "Superbird"  version (above) with a rubber nose, huge rear spoiler (more like a wing) and zesty color options made the cars truly "far out", sales cratered because of sticky insurance premiums. 1970 Road Runner sales where down by roughly half of what they were in 1968 and 1969.

The 440 was the biggest V8 Plymouth (Chrysler) ever bought in a passenger car.

Beginning in 1971 smaller available engines and "coke bottle" styling, like our '74 here has, moved the Road Runner sales back into the black. The smaller engines lessened the blow of heavy insurance surcharges. 

This body colored rear bumper was done by the car's owner. It did not come from the factory looking like this.

What high insurance premiums couldn't finish off the first of the two '70s gas crisis' in 1973 certainly did. After good sales years in 1971 and 1972 sales fell off a cliff during the first gas crisis. A long whistle (sales) followed by a cloud of dust ensued when Plymouth yanked production on the Road Runner mid way through the 1974 model year.

While Plymouth did offer a Road Runner on a Volare through 1980, the last "Road Runner" rolled off the line in 1974.

Tom and Jerry was another famous animated duo that my brother and I adored and on occasion Tom actually did get the better of Jerry. However, the Coyote never caught the Road Runner; but the insurance man and OPEC most certainly did.  

 

If you're on the highway and Road Runner goes beep beep.
Just step aside or might end up in a heap.
Road Runner, Road Runner runs on the road all day.
Even the coyote can't make him change his ways.

Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.
Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.

That coyote is really a crazy clown,
When will he learn he can never mow him down?
Poor little Road Runner never bothers anyone,
Just runnin' down the road's his idea of having fun.

1972 Lincoln Continental Mark IV

The Bigger The Better

Ahhh, rivalries. Ohio State and Michigan, Browns and Steelers, Yankees and Red Sox, bathroom tissue rolling from the top of the roll or from the bottom. These are storied battles that have gone on for forever and still to this day offer a compelling drama. 

 

Another rivalry of note was the battle between Cadillac and Lincoln (more specifically between GM and Ford) for the heart and wallets of American personal luxury car buyers. While this this rivalry has cooled off with decline in popularity of two door cars (Lincoln hasn't even built one since 1999) there was a time that this was an intense battle with each maker attempting to out "bling" the other making theirs bigger and offering potential buyers more and more glitz, shmaltz. At no time was the intense feud larger, figuratively and literally, than in the early 1970's just before that asteroid hit the automotive landscape known as the first gas crisis.

Cadillac had their ginormous Eldorado resplendent in it's 500 cubic inch (engine) front wheel drive glory. The Eldorado's front wheel drive mechanism being a fantastic and under appreciated engineering wonder. Have to wonder if buyers cared. "Hey, Tom... my Caddy's got front wheel drive!"

 

The most obvious benefit in having the entire power train upfront was that these big Eldos had a flat floor. No one had to sit on the blasted hump in this baby. Three across? No problem.

Lincoln on the other hand had their equally large albeit more conventionally powered rear wheel drive Continental Mark IV. Yup, it had humps.

Most notably that hump on the trunk. Bleech. However, given a choice between the two this GM loving Cadillac man would go for the Mark over the Eldo. I know! Sacrilege! Despite the hump on the trunk and the silly "opera" windows on the Lincoln I prefer the lines on the Conti over the Eldo.

Now, given a choice between a Continental, Eldorado and a Coupe de Ville, the Coupe de Ville wins hands down. Elvis, your car, sir.

The new for 1972 Continental Mark IV debuted the now famous (infamous?) "opera" windows on the B pillars. While they reduced visibility greatly, rear seat passengers were no doubt infinitely entertained by the cross hairs logo etched into those windows. Pew, pew-pew, pew! Take that!

I find a haunting nobility to certain cars decaying in junyards like this grand old dame. Others I find as interesting as rusty dishwashers or stoves.

It's debatable what killed off the dinosaurs. What killed off these lovely automotive dinos was two gas crisis that forced automakers to make more fuel effiecient cars (read: smaller). What's more buyers for Continentals and Eldorados moved over to inport brands like BMW, Mercedes Benz Audi, Lexus etc. 

 

There was a time, long ago, when these dinosaurs ruled the road. When you wanted to strut your stuff and show off how good you got it, you bought one of these (or an Eldorado).

By the way, the TP rolls from the top, not the bottom.