There Is Nothing Grand About A Pontiac Grand Am

 

 

 

Would I find this car as horrible has I do if it was called anything other than "Grand Am"? I can say with all confidence that I would most certainly would not.

 

 

"There's nothing grand about a Pontiac Grand Am" is not entirely true. An apple of my philandering automotive eye, the original Pontiac Grand Am was introduced in the fall of 1972 as part of GM's new for 1973 "A body" mid sized models. Known as "colonnades" for the new "B pillar" or column (hence colonnade), these cars were derided for their sheer bulk, styling excess and spacial inefficiency (big on the outside, small on the inside). The Grand Am, though was the beautiful swan in a Great Lake of ugly ducklings. However, despite being sexier and cooler than the Grand Prix, Buick Regal/Century and Oldsmobile Cutlass and more masculine than the overdone LeMans and Chevrolet Monte Carlo, Grand Am sold poorly. Pontiac dropped it unceremoniously after 1975. 

 

 

Somebody in Pontiac's model naming department (who names cars anyway?) must have had a serious jones for "Grand Am" because Pontiac brought the nameplate back for another three year run starting in 1978. Now on GM's newly downsized "A body" platform (later called G body), the 1978 Grand Am was but a mere shell of the '73 model but it was a breath of manly, Royal Cophenhagen tinged air compared to the homely lump they put "GRAND AM" on next.  

 

 

My drive of a friend's fresh from the showroom, "N-body" '85, just like this little shitter, had me quoting the car salesman from National Lampoon's "Vacation" who was trying to sell Clark Griswold on the virtues of the "Wagon Queen Family Truckster". "If You Hate It Now, Wait 'til You Drive It". 

 

Wouldn't you know it, though? "The Little Car That Could Not" sold in droves. And then some. So much so that during it's inexplicably long twenty one year production run, many times it was one of the best selling cars in America. Right up there with the Taurus and Camry. So what's in a name?

 

Nothing really. You can't accredit the "N-body" Grand Am's sales boom to it's name any more you can blame it for the first two versions lack of success. The N-body or "little" Grand Am sold well because, primarily, it was cheap; significantly undercutting far superior wares from Japan and Europe. Throw in some practicality (the first Grand Am was available as a four door, by the way) and the not so grand Grand Am took off. Even my in laws bought one. A white on grey, 1994 3100 V-6 powered "SE" sedan. Its styling acceptably benign, its overall character one of resigned complacency. They rolled their eyes whenever I waxed nostalgic for the Grand Am of yore.

 

 

Such is the fate of fanatics of whether it be music, film, sports teams, food, cars. The list goes on. What us "experts" find intriguing being miles away from what John Q. Buying Public finds most important. John Q looking for automobiles that are little more than inexpensive, stoic appliances.