Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Buick Cascada - Frequent Flyer At the Doctor's Office



For as long as I can remember Buick has periodically attempted to downplay their old fart image with a series of ads touting that such and such Buick is, "not a Buick". And while Buick has done very well of late with a bevy of small to mid size cross overs that have hit a sweet spot with younger female buyers, our Buick Cascada here looks to be the perfect ride for those who are frequent flyers at the doctor's office. Can Buick be all things to all people young and old? Yes, it's possible but difficult and it's always best to market "younger" when you're attempting to reach as wide a demographic as possible. The age old adage being that you can get an old man to drive a young man's car but a young man won't drive an old man's car.


The Cascada, cascada is spanish for waterfall, sails in the very shallow waters of the "affordable convertible" market. A niche market clogged with a bevy of offerings of which most if not all are vastly superior to this underpowered, overweight, shimmying, under engineered rolling bathtub. For similar money to what you'd cough up each month for this thing you could be in an Audi A3 Cabriolet, Mini Cooper, Mazda Miata or Fiat 124 Spider, a Fiat 500 C or base models of the Chevrolet Camaro or Ford Mustang. Smart fortwo offers a convertible in the "affordable range", but that car has the dubious distinction of being even less hip than this Cascada. 


Far be it for me to wonder why anyone would choose a Cascada over any of those other makes and models (save for the Fiat 500) given my taste in automobiles but I have to wonder if Grand Dad and Grand Ma actually test drove their Cascada before trading in their Park Avenue on something "sporty". Powered by this top of the line 200 horsepower, 1.6 liter turbocharged in line 4, this little engine doesn't stand much of chance getting this two ton porker up to interstate speed so Gramps doesn't get rear ended by a some texting kid driver in a pickup. Yeah, the Cascada weighs almost 4,000 pounds. What did they make it out of, cast iron? Question, since the car is loosely based on the soon to be departed Buick Verano, why isn't the 250 horsepower, turbocharged 2.0 liter engine available on the Verano on the Cascada's options list?


Because, drum roll, the Cascada is as much a "Buick" as the Regal is; they're both rebadged Opels. GM's awesome turbo 2.0 is not available on the Opel Cascada and there's no way in damnation GM was going to spend the money to retrofit an engine into a car they're importing. And while their Opel counter parts might work along side each other "over there", Opel is one of those GM super brands across the pond, much like Buick is in China, that can do whatever they want, over here it just doesn't work.


Doesn't work inasmuch as this car is exactly the type of car Buick attempts to dispel when they roll cute as a button, feisty 'ol Granny who adorably croaks out, "that's not a Buick"!


Well, fear not Granny for Buick still builds cars that are "Buicks" like our Cascada here. And while I have your attention, do your family a favor - if you're going to spend your kid's inheritance before you leave God's green earth on something frivolous like a convertible, spend it on something that at least they'll remember you fondly for.


So, the next time Buick rolls out their stunningly obnoxious ad campaigns about what a Buick is or isn't keep the Cascada in mind as to what Buick really thinks a Buick is. 

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