This week I finally renewed the registration on what is referred to affectionately if not colloquially in some circles as "The Dale"; that being my 2002 Dale Earnhardt Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS. It had expired way back in March but with The Pandemic the BMW (Bureau of Motor Vehicles) and all emissions centers where closed in Ohio so anyone who had to renew registrations or needed an e-check got an extension through December 1st. Nice. Although, it felt like a stay of execution since this good old boy had some emissions issues to jump over if he was to get renewed.
Here in the greater Cleveland area, which encompasses seven geographically gigantic although somewhat sparsely populated counties, vehicles under twenty-six model years old need to pass an "e-check" every two years. The rest of the state? Apparently they're scot free. The frequency of e-check testing varies greatly from state-to-state based on population density and in many states, like Ohio, it varies from region to region. I think that's bull shit - there should be one very stringent federal standard for emissions and it should be adhered to every year. Sorry, that's the bleeding heart liberal in me. Sometimes, not often, it rears it's ugly head.
I also think all vehicles produced after 1975 should be required to adhere to the emissions standards they were required to originally pass. That hypocritical of me? Oh, absolutely seeing that I'm the owner of a 1977 Chevrolet Corvette that's sans a catalytic converter and could use a valve and ring job and probably a carburetor rebuild. Hey, if I'm guilty of being one of those "do as I say, not as I do" kind of people then, your honor, I'm guilty as charged.
The recent drama with The Dale stems from its forever on check-engine light and failing e-checks as often as I flunked chemistry tests in high school. It got pretty expensive with me dropping almost $500 to diagnose and swap out the exhaust gas recirculation valve (EGR) and vent solenoid during my first foray into trying to get the check engine light to stay off. The bad vent solenoid diagnosis coming after I had a pricey "smoke test" done. That's where a vapor, they call it smoke but it's not, is injected into the emissions system and to find a leak. I have a small shop that does work for me that I can't do myself and, obviously, even he gets expensive after awhile. The big commercial shops look at old bombs like my car and they salivate.
Best is, after you have any work done on your car that involves "resetting" the emissions system, you have to drive your car for awhile for the system to run through a litany of driving situations. Cold starting, idling, running at different speeds and on and on. Takes a while these days to do that too seeing that as far as myself goes, I drive but a fraction of the amount that I used to. Oh, and you take your car to the e-check-o-rama before your car has vetted itself completely and they'll look at you like you've got a dead body in your trunk. "You clear out them codes? What you tryin' to pull here, Mister?"
A couple of weeks ago, convinced I had driven my car through every possible scenario that it's OBD-II heart could muster through I went back to the emissions place to get a test so I could finally renew the registration. Wouldn't you know it? In the parking lot of the darn place it was like there was a honing beacon summoning cars with shaky emissions systems to flick their check engine lights on. Son of a gun. Of course, The Dale failed again.
It wasn't all bad. The upside was the, "we love to tell people bad news" gang at the emissions joint told me specifically what was wrong - bad catalytic converter. Uh, geez. That sounded expensive and indeed to swap "the cat" would be to the tune of around a grand. I know a muffler shop in Cleveland that'll do it for under $200 but the point is that's even more money to be spent. When would this end?
I brought The Dale back to my mechanic and told him what was going on. He said, bluntly, "well, you don't want to replace the cat on this car", implying that with almost two-hundred and twenty thousand miles on its nineteen year old clock, The Dale wasn't worth the expense. Then he added, "...you know, if you've already spent more than $300 on emissions work on your car and it still fails the e-check, the state of Ohio will issue you a waiver allowing you to register your car with a failed test result". What the what? I know. Crazy, right? And it's totally on the level because I went back to e-check world, showed them receipts for work that was done, The Dale failed another e-check and they gave me waiver not only on the spot but when I went to the BMV the waiver was already in their system.
Thus, The Dale lives on. At least for another two years if I decide to keep it that long. I've recently tried to unload it for about three grand but got no serious biters so I guess I'm stuck with it which is fine since it still runs great and is as comfy as an old pair of jeans. Although, once more, I feel like a hypocrite driving a car that runs perfectly fine except for the fact that it's a smoke belcher (you'd never know). That fact I'm reminded of with a permanently on check-engine light I need to figure out how to live without feeling guilty about.
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