1979 Lincoln Mark V - White Trash with No Cash

When I was growing up on Long Island, New York in the '70's, when people on the North Shore wanted to show off, they did so by having a Mercedes-Benz like this 1979 450SL in their driveway. Whether or not they could afford it didn't matter. On the Gold Coast, appearances meant everything. 

If you lived on the South Shore like I did, if you wanted to give the impression you "had it", again, didn't matter if you did or not, you drove a Lincoln Continental Mark V. Like our Benz, this one is a '79 too. 

Back in the day, nothing said "Long Island" or white trash with cash quite like a Continental Mark V. If we're being honest, and why wouldn't I be, this trashy kid still goes a bit weak in the knees when he sees one of these. Then as now, I'm all about that hump on the trunk. 

Even if there was no point to the hump on the trunk, these warmed-over Ford Thunderbirds meant you were a man or woman who was large and in charge; both literally and metaphorically. My father wouldn't give a Mercedes-Benz the time of day let alone some dinky two-passenger job from Germany, having been corn-fed by the Big Three that bigger was better and double up on the cream cheese while you're at it, give that man a Mark V. Not that he could have afforded it. 

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What's interesting about these cars, which are comically huge and utterly ridiculous, they don't do anything well and, in many cases, do things poorly. Most certainly, they didn't do anything better than the far less expensive 1972-1976 Ford Thunderbird they were loosely based on. It's not like we woke up yesterday and realized that these ostentatious, pretentious, statement making driveway ornaments were sucky cars either. What was bad then is worse now. Back then these cars handled poorly, they were slow, ergonomically awful and got single digit fuel economy. 

Unlike today's do-everything-well luxury sports coupe, newsflash, none of the Big Three make anything comparable to this today, these cars weren't about performance but rather comfort and isolation. And, of course, making a big old statement. 

This popped up on Marketplace recently and for a second and a half, made me think twice about my recent purchase of a 1991 Chevrolet Corvette convertible. Don't judge, but I've always loved these cars, there'd be buy in from the wife since her dad had one or two and its asking price is around two-thousand dollars less than what I paid for my Corvette. Ah, the chill of buyer's remorse. 

Given the opportunity all over again, had this popped up on Marketplace before the Corvette did, would I have pulled the trigger on this and not the Corvette? I can say with full conviction, "no", I would not have. 

Here's why. After the novelty of having bought it wore off, I'd be stuck with an underpowered, wallowing four-wheel barge with even less resale value than my '91 Corvette. I'd also have to modify my garage so the 19-foot-long behemoth would fit in it. Now, if I could have both? Different story. Like that's going to happen.  

While I still love these cars, having had several "classics" from the '70's that were lovely to look at, they were, at the end of the day, boring to drive. To each their own but I've grown to want more from my "oldies" than something that looks good. My '91 Corvette is a blast to drive in addition to being, my blog, my opinion, drop dead gorgeous. It can run circles around any late '70's Mercedes too. 

There's only 48,000 miles on this car but she's far from perfect. Paint shows better in these photos than it actually is, her Y-pipe is cracked, it still has her original belts and hoses. Remarkably, the AC blows cold. Under the hood, all '79 big Lincoln's were saddled with Ford's 400 cubic-inch, two-barrel "Cleveland" V-8 making 159-horsepower. 1977 and 1978 Mark V's with the 460 were no power houses, these would be even slower. Interior is cloth, not leather. Points off there too.  

If there's any advantage to growing older, if you're lucky, you gain wisdom and the ability to be introspective. Looking at my life through a wide-angle lens, when I look at this car, I mean, really look at it, I deduce my nostalgic pangs aren't for the car itself, but for my dream filled, full of optimism youth. I miss the way I used to look at the world, full of hope for the better. You know what? Things worked out pretty good. 

I still may kick the tires on this blue bomb for no other reason than to sit in it and try to imagine that kid from the South Shore pressing his fat face against the window trying to get a glimpse at how the other half lived. 

Collector Series. Moonroof, Factory AmFm 8track CB. Thermometer mirror. MARTI Report ,Window Sticker 48000 miles. Original belts and hoses A/C works as well as all power options. Paint looks good with some clear coat checking and fading on the trunk. Has exhaust leak on Y Pipe. Tires good. Vynil top is excellent. Please do not waste my time or your time if you’re not serious or don’t have the money, or ask is it still available.