I was westbound on the Ohio Turnpike the other day when I spotted a boxy little thing on a vehicle transporter in the center lane that looked familiar from a quarter mile or so away. The stubby but attractive three-box-body, the glistening directional alloy rims, chunky tires and tasteful, oh-so-'80's cladding, Yup, it could have been only one thing, a late 1980's, Oldsmobile Touring Sedan. I found this '89 online for illustrative purposes, the only difference is that flatbed Olds was silver.
As I passed by it, just like that, I was 24 years old again looking up at what I perceived at the time to be an aspirational purchase of wealthy, muckity mucks. Growing up strapped and wanting for most everything, the trappings of "the rich" fascinated me. What was it like to be able to buy anything you wanted? And not buy it? Funny how old cars in the condition we remember them in when they were new are such wonderful time machines. We change; they don't. Imagine what a kick in the head it was to me when I realized that many people who look "rich", ain't rich.
Well, the real rich or posers weren't buying these cars. Oldsmobile sold less than 5,000 Touring Sedans a year from 1987 through 1990. That was somewhat understandable given these were niche vehicles, but the lack of Touring Sedan sales was a symptom of a larger problem General Motors had with their "Rocket" division; Oldsmobile sales were plunging overall. From a peak of just over a million units sold in 1984, 1985 and 1986 to approximately half that in 1990.
In particular, "98" sales, these cars are "98's" in leg warmers, were way off. These "little" 98's came out in 1985, and they sold well, Oldsmobile moving 122,421 units in a protracted 1985 model year. They sold just 48,022 in 1990 the last year for these cars before an abortive upsizing for 1991. Numbers don't lie; something was wrong. But what?
For Oldsmobile in the late '80's, it was all about timing. Bad timing. Just as they rebooted their entire lineup, after years of vilifying it, "Boomers" were coming into money and when they looked to make an aspirational automobile purchase, forget Oldsmobile or anything domestic, those crazy kids went straight to the German car store.
In fairness, it was akin to an earthquake how quickly the market shifted on Oldsmobile from 1986 to 1987 with sales dropping by nearly 300,000 year-over-year. And they kept on dropping as the '80s melted into the '90's. But that's the way it happens. Like a favorite, aging athlete having one inexplicably bad game. And like that athlete, Oldsmobile never had another good game. Again, though, in Oldsmobile's case, the game changed. No longer could Oldsmobile be all things to all people. Between us girls, how they did so for as long as they did was, in my opinion, more perplexing than their demise was.
Certainly, didn't help that General Motors sold so many different versions of the same car. Pontiac, Buick and Cadillac all got one of these, curiously, Chevrolet did not. And they were, let's be honest, variations on a theme versus being truly different from each other.
When Olds buyers checked the Touring Sedan box, they got an Oldsmobile 98 with the FE3 sports suspension which came with firmer springs, gas-charged struts, a quicker steering rack, fatter anti-roll bars, and 16-inch, directional alloy rims with fat tires. They also got a unique interior with front buckets and a floor-shifter; the first Oldsmobile sedan ever sold with an automatic transmission shifter inside a console. Heady stuff for an Oldsmobile four-door sedan in the late 1980's.
As much as I liked these cars, however, back in the day, I wouldn't have been caught dead driving one. Why? Because, he says sheepishly, the ladies would've thought I was driving someone else's car or worse yet, my father's car. When you're in your teens, it's impressive, or was back then, to be seen simply driving. By the time you're in your mid-twenties, it's about what you're driving. And an Oldsmobile Touring Sedan, despite its handsome good looks and capable nature, wasn't a good look for this young troubadour.
Not that I could have afforded one.
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