Jaguar XJ - The One Thousand Dollar, TWO Thousand Dollar Car.

Jaguar introduced the XJ in 1968 and  was the last Jaguar to have had the input of  Sir William Lyons, the company's founder.

My late friend Dan had a 1998 Jaguar XK8 that he whimsically referred to as his "One Thousand Dollar, TWO Thousand Dollar Car". He bought the car very well, so he thought, for only $2000. Despite having more than 200,000 miles on it it appeared to be in meticulous condition; but looks are deceiving. In reality it was falling apart and broke down often and what was worse, it was very expensive to repair. So expensive that he got accustomed to paying at least $1000 in repairs every time it broke down. Hence his nick name for the car. I can only imagine what an even older Jaguar would run him in repairs given that Dan's '98 XK8 was a paragon of engineering excellence and reliability compared to the rolling wrecks that came before it.

 

The Ford Motor Company had control of  Jaguar from 1989 through 2009. Despite having spent billions on the company to improve it, Ford never saw a profit from Jaguar and sold it at a significant loss to Tata in 2009.

 

It's a fairly recent development that Jaguars actually live up to their name (there isn't a cooler name for a car in the world) and their heirs ache. Credit for that and to the disappointment of many Jaguar lovers who bristle through their clenched jaws that their princely ride was saved by a bourgeois American automobile manufacturer, goes to the Ford Motor Company.

Ford replaced the storied XJ6 and XJ12 with the XJ8. The "8" in XJ8 denoting the Ford engineered "AJ8", 4.0 liter V-8 engine.

 

Ford bought controlling interest in Jaguar in 1989 and turned Jaguar's medieval operations into a world class manufacturing facility. Jaguar's factory in Coventry, England was so bad that Bill Hayden, the man Ford put in charge to run Jaguar after the 1989 merger, compared the plant to the Gorky Automobile plant in Russia. A factory so bad that workers routinely painted cars that had bird  crap on them from the birds trapped inside the plant. Jaguars might not have been that bad but workers got the point.

 

Ironically, Jaguars are indigenous to central and south America and are not found, outside of zoos, anywhere in England. Europe or Asia for that matter as well. Jaguars are the third-largest feline after the tiger and the lion, and the largest in the Americas. 

Ford spent billions on trying to turn Jaguar around and in many ways they did. However, despite the money spent, Ford never made a dime on any Jaguar they sold while they had control of the company. In the midst of The Great Recession, Ford dumped Jaguar in 2009 to Tata, a large manufacturing conglomerate based in India.

 

This 2015 Jaguar XF is one big cat as well. Rare too. It's rarity, due in large part to it's high sticker price, helps to ensure it's exclusivity. 

Tara has spent lavishly on new designs with debatably mixed results. If you're a fan of the old XJ's like Dan's One Thousand Dollar, Two Thousand Dollar Jag, you might be on the fence about these new XJ's. I know I am. As nice as this car is, it's just not an XJ.

 

If you have your heart set on a 1997-2004 Jaguar XJ8, you can find them for sale for between $5000 and $20,000. The newer, low mileage cars naturally being more expensive. The older, more affordable models, despite what Ford was able to do, can still be quite problematic. 

Then again, there's nothing stopping you from buying a Jaguar like this for around $2000. Just remember, though how expensive they are to repair.

 

1983 Buick Regal - The Wallflower

This handsome little gem, which had a bid of a mere $3050 with three days left to go on ebay as I wrote this, reminds me of a gorgeous girl I dated years ago before I met the woman who would become my wife. Let's call her "Cindy". Cindy was everything a young man of 21 or 22 was looking for; very attractive, friendly and most importantly albeit self centeredly, absolutely in love with me. However, much like this Regal, she lacked the one thing that has always been most important to me; she had no personality what-so-ever. Shame too considering how attractive she was much like this little Buick.

  

The early 1980's were dark ages for American automobile performance and this car was atypical of that lack of oomph. That lack of beans all in the interest of better gas mileage. The culprit for that lack of scoot in the interest of mpg was Buick's 110 horsepower, 231 cubic inch V-6. Coupled with a 2.29:1 rear axle, this car's acceleration was best described at best leisurely. A sudden jolt of torque off the line gave the impression that there was something more underfoot but that was all that it was; a momentary impression of something greater that just wasn't there. Floor the gas pedal on this car and it just doesn't want to play along. Cindy was the same way; a flash of moxy or sass to go along with dangerously good looks. But that flash was all she had, she had nothing more to give.

The rest of this car's driving dynamics were again atypical of what was offered at the time; mushy, slow, uninspiring. Dull. If ever there was a wallflower of a car, this was it. Cindy was hardly mushy or slow but I found her lack of real chutzpah boring. It didn't take long for me to realize that no matter how hard Cindy worked at attempting to make me happy, it, or "we" was just not going to happen. She was a wallflower. Nothing wrong in that but like this Regal, not for me despite being everything on the surface I could ask for. Great looks and it's a two door? Fabulous looks and oh, did I mention she was a blonde? What's not to love? Right.

So, what happens to a wallflower like this old boring but pretty Buick? At $3,000 it would seem that there are quite a few people out there who feel the same way. For certain, if this was a turbo engine '83 Grand National instead, its selling price would be at least twice if not three times more; especially if it was in mint, original condition like this. I'd grab it and swap a real engine into but that drives the overall cost up significantly. Someone is going to get a very nice looking but wholly uninspiring automobile at a fair price. And they will probably be very happy with it. There are people out there who love wallflowers.

So, what happened to Cindy? A couple of years ago I accepted her Facebook friend request if for no other reason than morbid curiosity. Had she holed herself up in an apartment in her parent's basement and worked as a librarian? Hardly. Refreshingly enough, she had gotten married to a handsome man who, from the pictures she has on Facebook, was very devoted to her and loved her. They even had two kids that she appeared to adore. Good for her that some guys love wallflowers.

With An Old Car It's Always Something

 

Like our beloved Jax, our Corvette is happiest sitting around doing nothing.

 

I read an interesting column recently about how one of the things that makes for a great automobile mechanic is their ability to diagnose what's wrong with an automobile. An overstatement of the obvious? Not if you've ever spent any time attempting to figure what's causing a problem with a car; antique, new or otherwise. On today's cars, diagnostics is a fairly straight process since, in theory at least, all "they" have to do is plug a car into a computer and the "read out" tells them almost exactly what's wrong. Sometimes it only gives you what's wrong but not what's causing something to go wrong. That aside, most of the time with the root of the problem in hand the only thing left to do is the work to fix it.

 

 

Last year at prom time before I realized the rear brake lines were shot and the steering rack needed an overhaul.

 

This past weekend I spent most of Saturday attempting to diagnose why the passenger side window wouldn't go down in our 1977 Corvette. I deduced it was a bad motor and removed the motor with the idea that I would replace it this winter; we can pull the window up and down on the regulator manually until then. After spending Sunday morning putting the car back together I went to take the car for for a T-tops out power drive in lovely and rarely sunny Cleveland only to find the car had no power. At first I thought I had run the battery down but I was wrong; after testing it, I found the battery had a full charge. Sometimes a good battery is not good news.

 

Despite its many flaws, our car is absolutely gorgeous at any angle.

When you come to know a car as intimately as I've come to know this car, you know when there's a larger problem at hand and this problem, whatever it was, appeared to be seismic and I was greatly concerned. Thing was I hadn't a clue what was wrong. I knew the symptom but for what was causing it? No idea. I first thought that I must have blown out the fusible links, but again, just like the "good" battery, no such luck. I found it to be fine after having it tested at Autozone and Advanced Auto Parts. Second opinions and all. Good battery and a good fuses? What could possibly be wrong? 

 

 

I caution anyone who's not mechanically inclined or wealthy to stay away from buying any antique car.

 

Freaking out about how much this was going to cost me to have it fixed professionally and damning the day we bought this car, I'm embarrased to say I got pretty creative with my combination of curse words and my wife, bless her heart, heard a soliloquy, or should I say  a symphony of cussing out of my mouth the likes of which she's never heard before. Good thing she heard me since it did get me to stop shoving obscenities into the atmosphere and get to the task at hand.

 

 

Although they actually don't like driving it, our boys are quite fond of this car.

 

Heartbroken and infuriated, I reinstalled the battery and the fusible links. And wouldn't you know it, the car started right up. Laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the car turning over after it seemed all was lost, I grew instantly concerned that there was something intermittently wrong. However, I've come to grips with the fact that what was most likely happening was that the battery was not connected properly; what with all the work it gets being turned on and off with the cut off switch I have on it. At least I think that's what happened.

 

Something that happens all too infrequently; the car is running and out on the road. Eastbound 90 about 15 minutes west of downtown Cleveland.

 

Relieved, that night my wife and I went out on that T-tops out power drive and I found out that brakes to be quite spongy. With an old car it's always something.

Little Red Corvette - So, What Do I Do Now?

 

My wife and I bought this 1977 Corvette three years ago as an anniversary present to ourselves. We bought the 1996 Camaro about a year and half ago for our sons to use.

 

I am happy to announce that I have completed the power steering cylinder and rear brake system rebuild projects. Not only does that car now not leave puddles of hydraulic fluid on my garage floor, on my driveway and in the street, it actually handles better and performs, to a great degree, like a normal car. While hardly as sporty as it would portend to appear, but at least in such a way that I don't feel as though I'm putting my life and my passenger's life, usually my wife's, at risk.  

 

 

The Corvette is very original and is seemingly in a constant state of repair. Good thing I'm handy. These cars can be very expensive to repair.

 

The brakes and the steering projects were pretty challenging for me since I had no idea what I was doing when I first started the work. That's never stopped me from doing anything in my life in the past and my wife is always amazed at how excited I get when I accomplish something I had no idea I could do. That exhilaration never gets old.

 

 

 

A bad day under the Corvette is still a very good day

 

It's left me wanting to do more on the car, right now, but that's not the point of having it in the first place. I didn't store it last year because it needed very costly repairs that I wasn't willing to farm out; I worked on it all winter and it became almost the only thing I did all winter in the my free time. Now that everything I wanted to get done on it is done on, it's finally available for my wife and I to use as we please. Which is why we got it in the first place three years ago as an anniversary present to ourselves.

 

 

Remarkably, I've been able to rebuild the entire rear brake system and most recently, the power steering system. Now, finally, we drive.

 

The only thing to do now is fix the passenger side power window; the window is stuck in the up position. Stuck up is better on most cars than down but not on a weekend car that runs hot and has terrible ventilation. Judging by the way projects on this car have gone for so far, I think I will have my hands full. Don't tell my wife but I can't wait to get at it. Stay tuned.

NY Islanders - Anyone Really Think This Through?

This is a companion piece to what I wrote in October. While the 2014-15 season started out very well for the Islanders last on Long Island, it was, ultimately as disappointing as any since Denis Potvin retired.

The only thing more ridiculous than the Islanders move to Brooklyn is that they even exist in the first place.

I've always had mixed feelings about the New York "Islanders" despite my always thinking of myself a "Long Islander" first and "New Yorker" second. Part of my sentiment stems from my Ranger loving father and how Manhattan-centric in general my parents were. Also, the team was housed not twenty five miles from Madison Square Garden and I always had difficulty understanding why if Long Island was to have its own sports team, why it would be in an area of the Island that had a brick-a-brack, "are we Long Island or are we part of New York [City] identity crisis". Add to that the reason for the teams existence in the first place, as a tool to block the WHA from putting a franchise at the why-the-hell was it built in the first place Nassau Coliseum and the New York Islanders made as much sense as the Russians putting missiles in Cuba; did anyone really think this all the way through?

The Atlanta Flames made the playoffs six of the eight years they played in Atlanta but never won a playoff series.

Let's suppose for a for a moment that the Islanders never had the success they had and instead, were as mediocre as the other team that joined the NHL the same year they did, the Atlanta Flames. The Flames lasted just 8 seasons in a city that was indifferent towards hockey and the organization packed their duffle bags for Calgary after the 1979-80 season. Would the Islanders, again, nothing more than a political pawn of the provincial NHL, still even be in the New York area had they not had the success they had early on? Bill Torrey, the General Manager of that great Islanders team that won four Stanley Cups consecutively between 1980 and 1983 wondered if the fans would continue to come out to the Coliseum if and when the team stopped winning. The answer to Mr. Torrey's question was a resolute, "no".

The Islanders of the late 1970's and early 1980's were one of the greatest sports teams ever.  

Sadly, the retooling of the team after it's inevitable decline came at a time when new collective bargaining agreements broke up the way the old NHL did business making it all but impossible to build a competitive team the way that Torrey built the Islanders; that being almost exclusively through the amateur draft. The teams that would prosper in the long term in the "new" NHL would be teams with significant cash flow. The Islanders, despite playing in very affluent Nassau County, always struggled with cash flow; even during the "glory years" of Potvin and company. In the new NHL, with no cash to sign free agents and some of the great talent the Islanders drafted leaving the team when they could for greener pastures, the team floundered. You can't blame fans for staying away from an organization that either refused to spend money most assumed it had or just couldn't figure "it" out. In fairness, though, if the NHL had free agency when the Islanders were just starting out, there's no way they would have been able to keep the team they had together. 5 Hall of Fame players on one team, all around the same age, at the peak of the careers and the core of the team staying together for over a decade? You'd never see that today and we will never see that again in any of the major league sports.

If you notice, the Islanders logo does not include Brooklyn and Queens which are actually part of Long Island. Only New Yorkers understand that despite that, Brooklyn and Queens are "not part of Long Island".

Now they're off to Brooklyn which is, ironically, on the same land mass as Nassau County but in many ways is as different from "The Island" as Cuba is from Manhattan. How the new owners of the Islanders believes the team will do any better being housed even closer to Manhattan than before is beyond me. One thing for certain, if the Islanders don't win and win quickly, despite a 25 year lease with the posh and modern Barclays Center, they'll find their way out of dodge much like the Atlanta Flames did. Perhaps, optimistically,  history will repeat itself and the Islanders will return to their glory days but don't bet on it.

While the Islanders do have very small albeit loyal fan base, the fair weather band wagonneers who chided Ranger faithful for years certainly got what they had coming to them.

 

1977 Corvette - Dreams Do Come True

 

 

 

Something funny happened on our way to owning a Chevrolet Corvette; since we bought this car three years ago I've realized my childhood dream of becoming an auto mechanic.

 

 

When I was a kid this is what I really wanted to do but my mother, God bless her salty, drug addicted heart, would have none of that. No, sir she wanted me to reach for the stars and be a postal worker. I showed us both up and have enjoyed a 30+ year career in broadcasting instead. Lick that stamp, mom.

 

 

Now, in terms of being a mechanic, with this car, I've really had no choice; if I didn't, I think we'd be broke. I wince at what it would have cost us to replace the alternator, fusible link wiring harness, starter, battery, the entire rear brake system save for the left rear caliper and rotors, and all of the accessory belts. That's not to mention what we elected to have done; the reupholstering of the interior and replacement the steering wheel.

 

 

The latest and greatest problem with what we lovingly refer to as "Rockn77" is this Rorschach test the old beast leaves on our driveway whenever we take it out. This is power steering fluid not a study of your personality characteristics and emotional functioning. She's always leaked a little something or other but late last summer she started getting really spritzy with the power steering fluid. The spritzing got so bad that it had me buying power steering fluid by the case. Alright, exaggeration...but not by much.

 

 

One of the biggest challenges with old cars is pin pointing the exact cause of a problem. Today, with on board diagnostics (OBD), you just plug the car into a computer and a read out tells you exactly what the problem is. The main culprit here, I believe, is this power steering cylinder which are, apparently, notorious for leaking. Do I have any idea how to replace this major component on our car's steering system? Did I know what I was doing when I replaced all the brake lines or anything else that I've done on this car for that matter? Do I have any idea what I'm doing in radio now that I think about it? Once again, not knowing what I was doing was not going to stop me from diving head on into a massive car project.

 

 

Hopefully it is this cylinder and not the control valve and or the pump itself. This was, for what its worth, an unconscionable pain in the ass to get out but I did it.

 

 

I'm replacing all the hoses too so that should take care of that possibility. Wish me luck.

 

 

I've gotten so used to weekends being burned up by working on "Rockn77" that I have to wonder what I will do when I finally have nothing to do on it. Oh, that's right; I'll try and enjoy it for what it is and not curse it for what it's not or for what it needs. Wish me luck with that too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Donkey In The Well

 

 

When I think about how difficult my childhood was I temper those feelings of anger and resentment with the belief that my experiences when I was younger helped make me who I am today. Seeing how my life turned out so far I wouldn't have it any other way either. My childhood not unlike the story of the "Donkey In The Well".

 



  

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. He cried for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

 

Finally, the farmer decided that since the donkey was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve him. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him seal it up. With the donkey at the bottom of the well.

 

 

They all grabbed shovels and began to dump dirt into the well. At first, the donkey didn’t realized what was happening & cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.

 



With each shovel ­of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off & take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of him he would shake it off and step up.



 

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off.
 

The Master Cylinder - I Know It Was You, Fredo

One of the great things about Godfather II, which I've always believed to be the superior of the first two Godfather films, is that there's so much room for interpretation. For instance, I  believe that Michael Corleone had to have had a feeling all along that it was Fredo who tried to have him killed. When he confirmed it, it made for one of the most memorable scenes in one of the most memorable movies of the 1970's if not of all time.

 

 

Back in November when the rear brakes failed on our 1977 Corvette, I had a feeling it was the master cylinder that had gone bad. I filled up the empty rear reservoir but it quickly bled out  because of a cracked brake line. Although I remained skeptical of the master cylinder's viability given the amount of fozzilized brake fluid around the booster, with the rear cross over line cracked and the rear lines in general being in atrocious shape, I put thoughts of a bad master cylinder in the back of my mind. Way. Back.

 

 

After literally months of work to replace every rear brake part on our car, with the exception of the left rear caliper, I am proud to say that the brakes work beautifully. Best is I saved thousands of dollars doing the work myself.

 

 

My only issue now is that after a drive, there's a large glob of fresh brake fluid on the ground under the car right below were the proportioning valve is along with my freshly installed front to rear brake line. Thing is, the proportioning valve and new line is not leaking but the master cylinder is down a little after every drive. This picture, for illustrative purposes, is of the proportioning valve with the old front to rear brake line still attached.

 

 

Frustrated and heartbroken at the same time, late this past Sunday afternoon I laid down under our car for a good half hour or so attempting to track were that brake fluid was coming from.  

 

 

 

You'd be surprised how difficult a process that is but sure as sh!t, there it was. A small, almost innocuous drip coming down from the steering column which is directly underneath the, yes, you guessed, leaking master cylinder.

 

 

I know it was you, master cylinder. You broke my heart.

 

 

 

Little Red Corvette Brake Project - Thank God Almighty, Finished At Last!

Four. Months. That's how long it took me to replace every rear brake part, with the exception of the left rear caliper, on Rockn77.

 

The fun began late last summer when I noticed this Rorschach test on my driveway. That' power steering fluid that, luckily, washes off concrete.

 

 

I had originally planned to not store Rockn77 this past winter and instead use the funds that I would use on storage to replace this busted up dashboard pad. It's a big job that would require me to disassemble the entire lower dash board. The leaking power steering cylinder would take precedence, of course but I figured that as soon as I got that done I'd dive into the dash board project. While I had everything apart I also planned on redoing the tachometer, speedometer, dash lights and stereo.

 

 

You make plans the Corvette laughs. Last Thanksgiving weekend, I backed her out of the garage and when the posi-traction rear end hit an ice patch, with the front still in the dry garage, I noticed that the rear tires were still spinning despite all the pressure I could muster on the brake pedal. Rockn77 had no rear brakes!

 

 

At first I thought it was a bad master cylinder but the problem was much worse; it was a cracked brake line. This line right there, what's called the "cross over line" that carries brake fluid from the left side of the car over to the right side, was cracked. You can't see the crack in this picture but there's a sizable crack in the line right by that plug.

 

The removal and replacement of the cross over line was fairly straight forward. Biggest problem was getting the old line off the brass block right there. Corvettes are what are called "catalog cars"; you can get literally anything you need from after market parts distributors and that helps out greatly. I also sprung for new hoses and new trailing arm lines.  

 

 

I didn't count on having to replace the right rear caliper. I broke the insider bleeder off of this when I attempted to bleed the system the first time I thought I was near completion of the project. Getting this blob of iron off took two weekends of prying, plodding, screaming, yelling and praying. Eventually I got it off.

 

 

The biggest hassle was when I broke the front to rear brake line. This necessitated my removal of entire brake line from the proportioning valve back here to the left rear of the car.

 

 

This was an incredibly difficult process start to finish that took me the better part of three weekends to complete. There were many times during this process that I honestly believed I was not going to get it done. The thought of towing Rockn77 to a shop to finish the project made me nauseas. I soldiered on.

 

I have to hand it to myself and my perseverance for I certainly did get it done. Now, while at this point the front to rear line leaks a bit at the proportioning valve, I'm confident all it needs is more torque on it. Hopefully.

 

 

After that's done it's off to the power steering cylinder and then I'm done for the season. With strong brakes and a solid power steering rack, Mrs. C and I plan on taking some nice long drives this summer in Rockn77. Thank God Almighty, Finished At Last!