Our 17 year old, college bound high senior broke up with his girlfriend last night.
What started out innocently and sweetly had evolved slowly but steadily into an almost adult like relationship. Albeit a dysfunctional, one sided adult relationship one rife with jealousy, mistrust and ultimately, disgust. This is just from what my wife and I saw with insight gleamed from what he's told us about this girl and their relationship. My wife, with a kinder heart than I, believes her to be shy and blamed a lot of her issues on her family and upbringing. Nonetheless, dare I say, I disliked her. This breakup was not unwelcome at least as far as I am concerned.
We did not encourage nor in any way dissuade the burgeoning relationship but I was concerned about how needy she was and how much she demanded of our son. He complained about her to his mother and I incessantly about how petty, manipulative, intolerant, harsh, controlling and jealous she was. When we'd press him for any positives about her and he wouldn't say anything. It was time for this to end.
Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, several of our son's friends who had graduated last year invited him out for dinner. It was during that dinner that our son told his friends about this girl and their steadfast recommendation was that he end the relationship. Our son then promptly began the arduous process of ending the relationship with his girlfriend of 15 months.
After an evening long process our son came back into the house and collapsed in my arms. He appeared to be laughing hysterically, convulsively even but I quickly realized that he was hysterically crying. Aghast and heartbroken, I asked what had happened and he said that he felt like a bad person for ending their relationship. She had pleaded with him to give her one more chance and that he had said no. It was over.
His being so upset reminded me of years ago, when he was just 7, when he first found out we were moving away from the only home he had known. I did then just as I did the other night, I let him vent. I let him get all the emotion out. That is the only way to manage not just teen heartache but anyone's heartache because try as we may, there is no "managing" someone else's emotions when they are most raw. Even in situations that are hard to understand like why he would have been so upset at ending a relationship that had to end.
Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, several of our son's friends who had graduated last year invited him out for dinner. It was during that dinner that our son told his friends about this girl and their steadfast recommendation was that he end the relationship. Our son then promptly began the arduous process of ending the relationship with his girlfriend of 15 months.
After an evening long process our son came back into the house and collapsed in my arms. He appeared to be laughing hysterically, convulsively even but I quickly realized that he was hysterically crying. Aghast and heartbroken, I asked what had happened and he said that he felt like a bad person for ending their relationship. She had pleaded with him to give her one more chance and that he had said no. It was over.
His being so upset reminded me of years ago, when he was just 7, when he first found out we were moving away from the only home he had known. I did then just as I did the other night, I let him vent. I let him get all the emotion out. That is the only way to manage not just teen heartache but anyone's heartache because try as we may, there is no "managing" someone else's emotions when they are most raw. Even in situations that are hard to understand like why he would have been so upset at ending a relationship that had to end.
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