Toyota Solara Convertible - Alta Cocker

Seeing that for all intents and purposes my favorite vehicle type is all but none existent these days, it would have been somewhat fitting had I been run over by the Florida tagged, red, 2004-2008 Toyota Solara convertible driven by an Alta Cocker in the parking lot of the open-air mall near our home the other day. For the record, if I was to be taken out by a personal luxury car I would prefer it to be a 1970's Chrysler Cordoba, Chevrolet Monte Carlo or Pontiac Grand Prix. It was a gorgeous albeit somewhat chilly summer day and Grand Pa, decked out in a golf attire, rolled through the crosswalk oblivious to the signs warning motorists to stop for pedestrians. What's more, with the top and windows up and no doubt the Tony Bennet wafting through his cabin, he didn't hear my profanity laced tirade that bounced off the over styled body of his Solara.

Incidentally, "Alta Cocker" is a Yiddish expression often used in a derogatory manner to describe people of a certain age. Usually an old man. My apologies for perpetuating stereo types but if the moob-hugging golf shirt fits so be it.

Yeah, yeah. We all make unconscious mistakes every now and then and cutting Grand Pa some slack, he probably was completely unaware that he nearly killed someone. Or at least injured them severely. I'll apologize for my public display of profanity, it's just when it comes to my life and limb I tend to get a little heated under the collar when some out-of-towner in a clown car almost impales me with its front end.

Despite the fact they check nearly every box on cars I hold near and dear, I've never been a fan of the Toyota Solara. Especially these "second generation" 2004-2008 models. Toyota pushed out these Camry-based coupes between 1999 and 2008 in two "generations".

The half-baked 1999-2003 models (above) are fairly interesting with their tops down much in the same way an early '70's GM "B-body" convertible does but with the top up forget it. Forget the fixed roof versions too.

These 2004-2008's look like they got caught in a taffy pull and lost. Especially the convertibles where the lack of a fixed roof makes the rear end hang out like an overweight person who's sans pantaloons. Yes, there was a coupe version as well that's only marginally less zaftig looking.

The Solara wasn't Toyota's first foray into the world of a two-door Camry. Back in 1993, Toyota offered a coupe version of their then new Camry but it was really nothing more than what it was; a Camry for  people, err, like me, who wouldn't be caught dead in a four-door sedan. Well, the problem was, as you can see, it was nothing more than a Camry four-door with two less doors. This one here even has a spoiler to tempt me even more.

When Toyota relaunched Camry for 1997 there was, mercifully, no coupe version but the first Solara, above, rolled out two seasons later. An at the time the Japanese answer to the Oldsmobile Cutlass that no one was asking for. Well, some asked and those quickly found that sliver of buyers.

Solara convertible sales were so bad back in the day that Toyota had a two year overstock of the blasted things; as late as 2010 you could still buy a "new" 2008 Solara. Seeing that Toyota hasn't made the Solara in twelve years, the mere concept of a four-passenger coupe or convertible seems as outdated as a typewriter or a VCR. The idea had its fans in the 2000's but here at the beginning of the not-so-roaring 2020's, these types of cars are dinosaurs driven apparently by living fossils. Look, I ain't no kid so I get it. I drive a 2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo.

I quickly gained my composure and shrugged off my near death experience although I was embarrassed as I always am at my Turret's syndrome like tendency to bark out profanity when I'm startled. In hindsight I don't think it was thatclose; I think his oblivion to his surroundings is what annoyed me most. I've never been the most understanding of clutzy, clueless "elders" and I've long believed folks should be road-tested as they get older. Statistically, the youngest and oldest of driver's are the most likely to be involved in accidents. These days, the young simply don't drive and some older drivers are an out and out nuisance.

The fact that today there are no four-passenger convertibles that are even remotely affordable put a chill down my spine as well. Not for the fact that I would want one, but it was telling that a vehicle type that was somewhat of a mainstay of my childhood, you know, the "family-sized" convertible not to mention the personal luxury car that could sit a young family comfortably, has become extinct. Except of course for well-preserved examples like the one that Alta Cocker drove, made me feel old and out of sync with current trends and morays.

Slipping behind the wheel of my nineteen-year old Chevrolet Monte Carlo didn't make me feel any hipper or younger. Granted, I quickly shrugged it off like I did my near death experience but still. No one likes to feel older than they are.