Our older son just accepted a job with a financial planning company in Washington D.C. and my wife and I will help him move into his apartment down there next weekend. After that we're officially empty nesters which, in addition to us living in a three-thousand square foot home making no sense now, it makes our 2006 Chevrolet Tahoe more obsolete than ever. After we move him in the plan is to sell the Tahoe and replace it with a Mini Cooper. Preferably a Cooper "S".
Mini Cooper's aren't for everyone and that's too bad. Looks aside, which is where most would probably draw the line with them, they're remarkable little performers. With go-cart responsiveness along with powerful engines, they're a blast to drive. They also drive much larger than they actually are although, even the biggest of them, do leave a bit to desire in terms of practicality. Well, more than a bit actually; such is the price you pay for a car that's so gosh-darn cute and puckish. Product planners at Mini are more than aware of that and over the years have attempted to offset that knock on their brand with myriad different "larger" Mini's like the Paceman model they offered between 2013 and 2016. My wife found this Paceman S (!!) on line for sale at a used car dealership out near my office which I just happened to be at the other day. I lovingly if not obligingly stopped by to kick its tires.
Based on the wheelbase of the Mini Cooper Countryman, which is a funky little-big or big-little station wagon and classified as a crossover, our Paceman coupe here has an interior that's as spacious and comfortable as any two-door sedan like my 2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. It's not quite as wide as my Monte and requires the same absurd gymnastic routine to get into the back seat, but once you're back there it's remarkably commodious.
This sumptuous, glove-soft leather, in a shade I found to-die-for and scented beautifully, adds a fairly generous dollop of hedonistic luxury to an interior that most oftentimes borders on overtly utilitarian in a charming, industrial design kind of way.
Throw in optional all-wheel-drive, what Mini called, "ALL4", and what you have, on paper at least, is a vehicle that could be all things to all people. However, it was a wise man who once said that the quickest way to fail is trying to please everyone.
Even before I got behind the wheel I took exception to the front end styling of this thing not to mention it's odd stance to make room for it's all-wheel-drive gear.
I love the styling of "lesser" Cooper's with their bulging, round headlights. adorable but tough stubby-ness and how low slung they are but the squarish headlights and semi-cross over stance of the Paceman negates just about everything I find alluring about Mini's. I might as well be driving some Hyundai or Kia CUV and save a couple of sheckles.
Still, and maybe it's the handsome color, the delightful leather-lined interior and the fact it's a Cooper "S", I tried my best to convince myself that I could look past some fairly severe flaws and make this work This is, at the end of the day, a fairly awkward looking car or trucklette.
If I was hesitant about this thing because of its exterior styling, the test drive sealed the deal. More like the no-deal for me.
Some eight-hundred pounds heavier than a front-wheel-drive only Cooper S coupe, the Paceman S felt sluggish and numb compared to other Cooper's I've driven; save for 2015 and newer Cooper's with the 1.5-liter, 3-cylinder engine with the automatic. It lacked the right-now reflexes so many fans of them enjoy so much and the whole thing felt oddly tippy as well.
Contemporary road test reviews pegged a Paceman with a zero-to-sixty time of "just" seven-point-three seconds; not slow by any means but a far cry from the six-point-two seconds a "regular" Cooper S does it in. Nine-tenths of a second might not sound like a lot of time but in terms of how fast a car accelerates, that blink of an eye under a second might as well be half a minute or more.
Granted, had I not spent as much time driving other Cooper's of various model years and model types I might not know any better. It still went like stink and handled amply but not just as good as other Coopers. Damn those other Coopers for being so good.
It actually felt like less the Cooper although, obviously, it was a whole lot more.
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