Friday, April 9, 2021

1983 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight - Knock Some Sense Into Me


Back in what must have been 1987 I test drove an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight coupe just like this '83 and thought seriously about buying it. Not sure why I didn't; perhaps fifty-something me got in touch with then twenty-something me and knocked some sense into me. 


It's funny how as I've gotten older my taste in cars has gotten younger. Well, it's either that or more, dare I say, sophisticated. When I was a kid I was a fan of the bigger is better idiom that drove the literal bulk of domestic automobile sales in this country right up until the first gas crisis started in October 1973. If it was big I liked it. Make that a big coupe like this thing. 


In the inter-meaning decades I've come to appreciate a vehicle's actual overall performance above and beyond its size, styling and ability to cocoon. If a car can't handle, brake and accelerate well, what's the point of it? Not that styling doesn't matter, most certainly does, but in the case of my wife and I searching endlessly for a Mini Cooper to replace our oafish 2006 Chevrolet Tahoe, what I like most about those little pocket rockets is their power and slot-car maneuverability. I'm actually ambivalent towards their styling which depending on the car, tends to be too cute.


Not that these cars weren't sophisticated but their mission in life didn't require them to be. You know, honestly, I'm being kind. Compared to today's over-engineered cars they were as complex as a Radio-Flyer wagon, but, again, with their sole purpose to isolate the driver and passenger from the road, they didn't need to be anything more than that. Unfortunately, the younger, monied buyers Oldsmobile really wanted and needed wouldn't be caught dead in these things as they opted for more, ahem, sophisticated fare, from BMW, Audi, Mercedes etc. 


Amazingly, and for the most part, this '83 Ninety-Eight has all but the same mechanical DNA with the first Ninety-Eight that debuted in 1940 and even older makes and models dating back to the turn of the century. That would be turn of the 19th to 20th century. Body-on-frame construction, engine mounted up front driving a rear wheel through a "live axle" sprung from the frame on leaf springs and tube shocks. A-arms with coils up front, recirculating ball steering. 


"98", or "Ninety-Eight", first appeared on an Oldsmobile in 1940 with the "8" allegedly denoting a 90-series Oldsmobile with an eight-cylinder engine; although, there was never a six-cylinder 90-series. The "series" nomenclature replacing the very simple Oldsmobile "Six" and "Eight" models. If you're a fan of "A Christmas Story", the old man was an "Oldsmobile Man" and his stead was a 1937 Oldsmobile Six. 


This Ninety-Eight is for sale near my home in Cleveland, Ohio by the same guy who's got that quasi-resto-modded clone of a 1978 Cutlass for sale; that car is in the left garage bay. He's asking similar money for this one too making him either a goggle-eyed Oldsmobile fan or he's got way to much money wrapped up in both of these cars and he's trying to recoup his spending. Good luck with that, amigo. 


He's asking $13,500 for this and that might be more of an absurdity than the $17,000 he's asking for that Cutlass. He claims this is a "fresh 403" just like he does for the engine in the Cutlass although any cues I could muster that this is a 403 is lost on me; this looks like the soggy Oldsmobile 307 cubic-inch till it was born with. The 307 was a smooth and long lasting little motor but in terms of offering contemporary performance, you'd best look elsewhere. Even the high performance version of this engine found in 1983 and 1984 Hurst\Olds and 1985-1987 4-4-2's wasn't exactly a ribald powerhouse. 


Power bench seat with individual seat backs. Wow. That's so Oldsmobile back then. If the driver needed to be up close and top of the steering wheel that also meant the front seat passenger had to have their fact squashed up against the dash and windshield. Might as well sit in the back which was appreciably gigantic. 


Oh, this thing is not with out its merits. It appears to be clean remarkably clean as a whistle and those huge wheels, while ugly as sin, no doubt stiffen up its suspension and improve handling. However, I'll pass on this road trip down memory lane. Especially at that asking price. Not quite sure what price would have me drafting a cashier's check for it but it certainly wouldn't have five digits in it. 




 

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