1988 Chevrolet Celebrity Eurosport Two-Door - Old Man Smell

GM fan girl I am, I did my darndest to see any positives when I first saw a magazine ad for Chevrolet's all-new-for-1982 Celebrity. It was similar to the one in this informationally dense ad is. Being 1982, more like 1981 when this was photographed, you just know the fella in this ad is "main-splaining" that his old man's new Celebrity was assembled with "robotic precision" and that "gamma rays" assisted in assembly to insure proper fitment of body panels. Gosh, do people who aren't "car wonks" really read all of this copy? And did we think for a moment these two actually own this car? 

The Chevrolet Celebrity and it's Pontiac, Oldsmobile and Buick brethren were a very, very big deal for General Motors back in '82. Set to replace GM's class-of-1978, "A-body" intermediates, the new "A-bodies" were touted at the time as being the first true, six-passenger, front-wheel-drive domestically produced sedans. They weren't GM's first foray at FWD, however. That mantle went to their kissing cousins, the infamous GM "X-body" Chevrolet Citation, Pontiac Phoenix, Oldsmobile Omega and Buick Skylark of which, since they're cousins, they shared a considerable amount of DNA with. Newsflash, that was a not a good thing. 

Acid-penned critics were less than impressed with the lot of them but in the interest of keeping ad dollars flowing through the door, they did their best to tactfully damn them with faint praise. However, come 1983, they heaped many a frothy accolade upon the Pontiac 6000 STE (Special Touring Edition)., which was the sporty version of Pontiac's version of the Celebrity. Pontiac's numeric nomenclature no doubt their attempt to ape whatever cache they believed the haughty German makes and models had in doing so. Only problem was the 6000 STE stickered at nearly $13,500 - nearly 40-percent more than what a base 6000, that few if any ever bought, went out the door for. Still, the tariff for all the STE's baubles and bits that made it a really good car, in terms of performance since it was bolted together as poorly as anything else GM built back then, was quite stiff. 

Not to be outdone, Chevrolet came with their version of the 6000 STE come 1984. Ladies and Germans behold the "Celebrity Eurosport". Thing was, much like Chevrolet SS' of yore, the "Eurosport" could be had generally as an appearance package first and foremost. Chevrolet's F41 suspension and the "HO" (high output) version of the GM 2.8-liter, 60-degree V-6 cost extra. And at the end of the day, a loaded "Eurosport" still didn't get nearly the gee-whiz stuff that made the 6000 STE special. Then again, a loaded Eurosport would run you a good 25-percent less than an STE.  

Back in the day of General Motors divisional autonomy, which even by the early-to-mid-'80's was beginning to wane to a certain degree, for 1984, Pontiac countered with a bargain basement 6000 STE. That made no sense then and even less now; that's why, reminder, kids, those who are in charge probably have no idea what they're doing. However, whereas Pontiac never offered a coupe version of the STE, they did have a two-door 6000, Chevrolet whipped up a Celebrity Eurosport two-door for us coupe aficionados. And what did we think of it? In a word, "meh" (he shrugs his shoulders).  

Well, can't fault 'em for tryin'. But, seriously, this is the best they could do? The Celebrity coupes never sold well (surprise!) and who knows, perhaps if they did add a dollop of coupe panache into the meatloaf mix it may have impacted Monte Carlo sales, which were heading south in the mid-'80's as well. 

As it was, the Celebrity coupe, all front-wheel-driving A-bodies got two-door versions, really was nothing more than a Celebrity four-door with no rear doors and the center-post moved back a scooch. The resultant remaining doors were elongated and heavy - give them five years and the hinge-pin bushings would wear out and they'd sag. Said sagging leading to difficulty closing them. My father's last car was a Cutlass Ciera two-door and you had to lift the door up by it's "casket handle" when slamming it shut. 

Throw in the F41 suspension, which meant thicker front and rear anti-roll bars, stiffer struts, and a quicker steering box and the "High Output" V-6, which by 1988, the year of my Facebook Marketplace find here, had port-fuel injection and a tuned intake runner, you had a pretty decent transportation conveyance. At least in terms of a mid-1980's Chevrolet sedan. Buy it, drive it into the ground and dispose of it. Which makes the fact this '88 is even still around somewhat remarkable. 

Coupe fanatic I am, I never gave these a second glance back in the day because I simply didn't find them attractive. And us "coupers", my term for those us who consider anything with four-doors verboten although we do love station wagons, are nothing if at the end of the day, grossly shallow and superficial. A coupe must look good, if it doesn't, forget it. What's the point? 

1988 was a transition year for Chevrolet and their intermediate coupe offerings as the Monte Carlo was put on hiatus after 1987 and the Celebrity two-door's air-apparent, the Lumina coupe, wouldn't be in showrooms until 1990. Thus, for 1988, if you wanted an intermediate Chevrolet two-door, this was the only thing available to you. 

Our pristine '88 here hails out of bucolic Akron, Ohio and has just 42,500 miles on its 35-year-old, analog ticker. Asking price is a fairly breath-taking $6,995. Poster of the ad claims it's a "classic" which is amusing. Can't fault them for saying that, of course. Knowing better and having lived through the ignominy of these cars, in any guise, two-, four- or even five-doors, all this is to me is an overpriced old car. Bet these seats have that GM, "old man" smell too. 

"Old Man Smell" that curious mixture of Aqua Velva, wet dog and cigarette butts.