1988 Chevrolet Celebrity Eurosport Two-Door - Old Man Smell

GM fan girl I am, I did my darndest to see any positives when I first saw a magazine ad for Chevrolet's all-new-for-1982 Celebrity. It was similar to the one in this informationally dense ad is. Being 1982, more like 1981 when this was photographed, you just know the fella in this ad is "main-splaining" that his old man's new Celebrity was assembled with "robotic precision" and that "gamma rays" assisted in assembly to insure proper fitment of body panels. Gosh, do people who aren't "car wonks" really read all of this copy? And did we think for a moment these two actually own this car? 

The Chevrolet Celebrity and it's Pontiac, Oldsmobile and Buick brethren were a very, very big deal for General Motors back in '82. Set to replace GM's class-of-1978, "A-body" intermediates, the new "A-bodies" were touted at the time as being the first true, six-passenger, front-wheel-drive domestically produced sedans. They weren't GM's first foray at FWD, however. That mantle went to their kissing cousins, the infamous GM "X-body" Chevrolet Citation, Pontiac Phoenix, Oldsmobile Omega and Buick Skylark of which, since they're cousins, they shared a considerable amount of DNA with. Newsflash, that was a not a good thing. 

Acid-penned critics were less than impressed with the lot of them but in the interest of keeping ad dollars flowing through the door, they did their best to tactfully damn them with faint praise. However, come 1983, they heaped many a frothy accolade upon the Pontiac 6000 STE (Special Touring Edition)., which was the sporty version of Pontiac's version of the Celebrity. Pontiac's numeric nomenclature no doubt their attempt to ape whatever cache they believed the haughty German makes and models had in doing so. Only problem was the 6000 STE stickered at nearly $13,500 - nearly 40-percent more than what a base 6000, that few if any ever bought, went out the door for. Still, the tariff for all the STE's baubles and bits that made it a really good car, in terms of performance since it was bolted together as poorly as anything else GM built back then, was quite stiff. 

Not to be outdone, Chevrolet came with their version of the 6000 STE come 1984. Ladies and Germans behold the "Celebrity Eurosport". Thing was, much like Chevrolet SS' of yore, the "Eurosport" could be had generally as an appearance package first and foremost. Chevrolet's F41 suspension and the "HO" (high output) version of the GM 2.8-liter, 60-degree V-6 cost extra. And at the end of the day, a loaded "Eurosport" still didn't get nearly the gee-whiz stuff that made the 6000 STE special. Then again, a loaded Eurosport would run you a good 25-percent less than an STE.  

Back in the day of General Motors divisional autonomy, which even by the early-to-mid-'80's was beginning to wane to a certain degree, for 1984, Pontiac countered with a bargain basement 6000 STE. That made no sense then and even less now; that's why, reminder, kids, those who are in charge probably have no idea what they're doing. However, whereas Pontiac never offered a coupe version of the STE, they did have a two-door 6000, Chevrolet whipped up a Celebrity Eurosport two-door for us coupe aficionados. And what did we think of it? In a word, "meh" (he shrugs his shoulders).  

Well, can't fault 'em for tryin'. But, seriously, this is the best they could do? The Celebrity coupes never sold well (surprise!) and who knows, perhaps if they did add a dollop of coupe panache into the meatloaf mix it may have impacted Monte Carlo sales, which were heading south in the mid-'80's as well. 

As it was, the Celebrity coupe, all front-wheel-driving A-bodies got two-door versions, really was nothing more than a Celebrity four-door with no rear doors and the center-post moved back a scooch. The resultant remaining doors were elongated and heavy - give them five years and the hinge-pin bushings would wear out and they'd sag. Said sagging leading to difficulty closing them. My father's last car was a Cutlass Ciera two-door and you had to lift the door up by it's "casket handle" when slamming it shut. 

Throw in the F41 suspension, which meant thicker front and rear anti-roll bars, stiffer struts, and a quicker steering box and the "High Output" V-6, which by 1988, the year of my Facebook Marketplace find here, had port-fuel injection and a tuned intake runner, you had a pretty decent transportation conveyance. At least in terms of a mid-1980's Chevrolet sedan. Buy it, drive it into the ground and dispose of it. Which makes the fact this '88 is even still around somewhat remarkable. 

Coupe fanatic I am, I never gave these a second glance back in the day because I simply didn't find them attractive. And us "coupers", my term for those us who consider anything with four-doors verboten although we do love station wagons, are nothing if at the end of the day, grossly shallow and superficial. A coupe must look good, if it doesn't, forget it. What's the point? 

1988 was a transition year for Chevrolet and their intermediate coupe offerings as the Monte Carlo was put on hiatus after 1987 and the Celebrity two-door's air-apparent, the Lumina coupe, wouldn't be in showrooms until 1990. Thus, for 1988, if you wanted an intermediate Chevrolet two-door, this was the only thing available to you. 

Our pristine '88 here hails out of bucolic Akron, Ohio and has just 42,500 miles on its 35-year-old, analog ticker. Asking price is a fairly breath-taking $6,995. Poster of the ad claims it's a "classic" which is amusing. Can't fault them for saying that, of course. Knowing better and having lived through the ignominy of these cars, in any guise, two-, four- or even five-doors, all this is to me is an overpriced old car. Bet these seats have that GM, "old man" smell too. 

"Old Man Smell" that curious mixture of Aqua Velva, wet dog and cigarette butts. 

1979 Chevrolet 3.3-Liter V-6 - But Wait There's More

Newsflash - people try to sell the craziest things on Facebook Marketplace. Take this 3.3-liter, Chevrolet V-6 for instance. While its $275 asking price is fair, what would someone do with it? Maybe I could swap it onto my 38-inch, Craftsman tractor. I would if I could. Some people do nuttier stuff than that. 

Chevrolet came out with these little engines in 1978 and stuffed them in their newly downsized, intermediate Malibu and El Camino; this came out of a 1979 El Camino. Making just 95-horsepower and 160-foot pounds of torque for 1978, 94 and 154 respectively for 1979, Chevrolet boasted it made more horsepower and torque per cubic inch or liter than the inline six it replaced. How's that for spinmeistering. What's more, they claimed it shared many "design efficiencies" with the seminal Chevrolet small block. 

Based on the seminal Chevrolet "small block" V-8, this 90-degree V-6 shared the SBC's stroke but had a teeny-tiny bore. To that extent it's a unique engine. With regards to "design efficiency", many SBC  parts bolt onto and into it. For 1979, Chevrolet added two-cylinders to the block creating the almost equally unknown or forgotten, Chevrolet 267-cubic inch V-8. 

Right into the teeth of the second gas crunch, Chevrolet pulled the plug on this for 1980; the 267 V-8 slogged on through 1982. They replaced this with a bored out version displacing 229-cubic inches (3.8-liter). Making all of ten more horsepower, its calling card was its significant increase in torque although anything with that mill would hardly be considered "powerful". Then again, my little tractor most certainly would be. 

But wait, there's more. Many believe the late, great Chevrolet 4.3-liter V-6 is a Chevy 350-cubic inch V-8 with less two cylinders. That might be mathematically correct, but in reality, the 4.3 is a larger bore 229 V-6. 

1997 Honda Prelude - Don't Be Like Me. Drive a Honda.

Back in the day, every time I'd drive a Honda I'd always ask myself, "why don't I own a Honda?". That's not so much the case anymore as the canyon between domestic cars and imports has narrowed significantly; just as the automobile as we know it is on the endangered species list. Back in the fall of 1996 I test drove one of these all-new for 1997 Honda Preludes and was enthralled by it - even if it had "only" a 2.2-liter, inline-four albeit one packing 195-horsepower. I opted instead for a brand new Chevrolet Monte Carlo LS and while that car never let me down and I was quite happy with it, from a visceral, seat-of-the-pants perspective, my pokey Monte Carlo was no match for the little Prelude. 

My reasons for going with the Monte Carlo were sound if not somewhat juvenile and\or misguided. I'm frustratingly brand loyal, I liked the lines of the Monte Carlo better, it had a real back seat that folded down and, probably most importantly, I had a wad of cash sitting on my GM Mastercard I could use as a down payment. And while I now wax somewhat nostalgically over the Monte Carlo, it has more to do with reflecting on a tumultuous and rewarding time in my life more than about the car itself that I found, ultimately, rather bland. That's why during one of my recent new car searches, while I find on occasion Monte Carlo's of that vintage, I pass right over them; nothing to see, been there done that. Meanwhile, I'm stopped dead in my treads over a solid looking Prelude like this 154,000-mile Facebook Marketplace find. Asking price a cool $9,000. A '97 Monte Carlo LS in this shape with this low mileage might go for half that. Maybe $5,500. 

I used to look at Honda's like I'd like look at quiet, working-hard-as-a-beaver over achievers in high school; they don't look like what they are. Meanwhile my Monte Carlo was the beer guzzling, handsome jock who got all the girls but who really wasn't any good at anything. Not particularly awful either but, metaphorically, you know who now has the waterfront, 5,000-square foot home and who doesn't. 

Preludes were hardly Honda's best selling models through five generations made between 1978 and 2001. The best selling of them being the second-gens made between 1982-1987, Honda moving on average maybe 60,000 of them a year back then; hardly Accord numbers on which Preludes were loosely based on. Ford sold more than twice as many Mustang's through that time period too. Granted, the Mustang was substantially less expensive even in "5.0" guise, but you got what you paid for. 

This '97 here was part of the fifth-generation of Preludes and was packed with a ton of gee-whiz, state of the art engineering\technology that if it weren't on a Honda, I'd run screaming from it. Seriously, can you imagine how a GM version of Honda's stability enhancing yaw-control, what they called "Active Torque Transfer System" would age? Newsflash - it wouldn't. 

Don't be like me and have a life full of (automotive) regrets - drive a Honda. 

1987 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am - It Takes Guts to be Different

This 1987 Pontiac Firebird is the funkiest thing I've seen since I stumbled across that oh-so-goth twin-turbo, Ford V-10 powered Cadillac Fleetwood earlier this year. Oh, it may not look it, but this is one special homemade hot rod. 

And that there is why. Someone swapped out the Chevrolet LG4, 5.0-liter V-8 this was born with for a turbocharged, Buick 3.8-liter V-6. This engine most famous for powering 1985-1987 Buick Grand National's and the 1987-only, Buick GNX. Obvious too that this car was originally yellow; looks much better in black in my opine. Yours may vary, see dealer for details. 

If you're like, "why would anyone do that", well, you don't get this. In this day and age of all but ubiquitous "LS-swaps", something like this is quite refreshing. And with a Facebook Marketplace asking price of just $6,000, I may need to be restrained. It's down near Dayton which is a good three hour haul for me from up here in god-forsaken Cleveland, and I do have better things to do with my time than take a six-hour road trip for something I really have no intent on buying. I have close friends in that area I haven't seen in a while; would be nice to see them and kick the turbo on this thing. 

      

Pontiac Firebird and Trans Am cognoscenti know that this swap isn't that far out of the ordinary. Pontiac offered Buick's turbo V-6 on a limited run of 20th-anniversary Trans Am's for 1989. Albeit, one that was modified to be, ahem, "more reliable". John Davis and his Motorweek '89 team clocked it going from zero-to-sixty in 5.4-seconds and "melting the quarter mile" in 14.2. That's rather mundane if not ho-hum today, but back in 1989 that was seriously quick. 

Some Trans Am aficionado's claim the 20th-anniversary T/A with the Buick turbo V-6 could do zero-to-sixty in 4.6- and the quarter mile in 13.4-seconds. Whose ever numbers are correct, either way, the 20th-anniversary turbo T/A was faster in a straight line than a top-of-the-line Firebird GTA (Gran Turismo Americano) with a slightly detuned Chevrolet Corvette L98, 5.7-liter V-8; 6.5-seconds zero-to-sixty and 15-seconds in the quarter mile. It even smoked an L98 Corvette that could only muster 6.6-seconds zero-to-sixty and a 14.9-second quarter mile. 

Other Pontiac pundits will recall the "Turbo Trans Am" of 1980 and 1981 infamy. Pontiac eschewed the Buick V-6 that time around using the same Garret turbocharger Buick used to boost their 4.9-liter V-8. Fastest one of these could do zero-to-sixty was 9.0-seconds, quarter-mile in 17.2. Yikes, I know. Even Smokey and The Bandit II was a forgettable - that was the one with the elephants. Best I can say about "Smokey II" was it wasn't "Smokey III". The bulge on the hood was to clear the turbo.

My concern with this thing is what to do if something goes wrong on it - gosh, who would you take it to? I guess a speed shop might be able to, but the wonky engine might explain the relatively low asking price for this. I mean, it's hard enough these days to find a mechanic who can work on old cars let alone something like this. Still, I applaud the person or persons who dared to be different. That takes guts. 

 

1968 Chevelle Malibu - Like Father Like Son

My older son treated me to a round of golf this past Fathers' Day Weekend and much to our delight, this lovely 1968 Chevelle Malibu was in the parking lot of the golf course. He parked his 2017 Camaro a couple of spots up from it and we both went a bit weak in the knees the closer we got to it. I guess there is is some truth to the adage, "like father like son". 

Might be cliched to be a fan of these cars but seeing my son's reaction to this one, there is something to them.  Even in retina searing "Butternut Yellow". Although my wife didn't join us, I know she likes them too although I'm not so sure she'd approve a purchase order for anything yellow that wasn't a banana. 

Those of a particular vintage may be familiar with the "Chevelle" moniker but few may know exactly what one was. In short, any intermediate Chevrolet made between 1964 and 1977 was a "Chevelle". The origin of the name the subject of conjecture. Some say it's a mashup of Chevrolet and "gazelle", a gazelle a somewhat smaller impala although most people use the terms gazelle, impala and even antelope interchangeably. Others say that "Chevelle" was meant to invoke a smaller Chevrolet; the "Chevette" nameplate was rumored to be in play at first too. 

Not that there's anything "small" about this car as its certainly "full-size" by today's standards, but everything being relative, it's got nothing on the full-size dreadnaughts of the day. The new-for-'64 Chevelle was dimensionally all but identical to the seminal 1955 Chevrolet and bridged the literal huge gap between the compact Chevy II and the seemingly always getting larger Impala. Our '68 here is roughly three-inches longer, nearly two-inches wider, all but two-inches lower and a whopping 800-pounds heavier than a 1964 Chevelle. 

The near half-ton of extra weight certainly doing our subject's 327-cubic inch, "Turbo-Fire" V-8 any favors. I wasn't about to pop the hood to check which one of the three 327 engines this might have had with 250-, 275- or 325-gross rated horsepower. Safe to say, at least it doesn't have a "307" or the "Turbo-Thrift", inline-six. I don't like taking pictures of interiors but it this has a column shifted automatic (2-speed Powerglide) and bench seat. This is no muscle car. 

Chevelle's came in four different guises or trim levels for 1968 on two different wheelbases. Our Malibu coupe here rides on a tidy 112-inch wheelbase, four-door models and station wagons rode on 116-inch wheelbases. "Above" the Malibu, which was also available as a pillared and hard top four-door, was the SS396 Sport Coupe and convertible, below it the entry-level "300" series. There was also a luxury-themed "Concours" model that was only available as a four-door hard top. Chevelle wagons for 1968 were all called "Nomad". Sigh. So many Chevelle's and only so much space in the garage. 

Chevrolet riveted or glued "Chevelle" to their intermediates for only fourteen model years but I think it deserves a plaque in the Chevrolet Hall-of-Fame right up there Impala, Caprice, Monte Carlo, Corvette and Camaro. Malibu too, I guess. Chevrolet intermediates were dubbed "Malibu" after GM downsized all their mid-sizers for 1978; those stubby little cars survived through 1983. 

Subsequently, Chevrolet affixed "Malibu" to a series of compact and intermediate sedans starting in 1997 and is still doing so currently. The most recent Malibu, while actually a fine, modern  transportation conveyance, not exactly the stuff dreams are made of like our '68 here. Fore! 

1954 Chevrolet 210 - Happy Days

Bruce Neubeck was the oldest son of the family that lived directly across from my family on Overlook Place in Baldwin, New York and he bought a '54 Chevrolet like this in the spring of 1975. Bruce was more than ten-years older than the rest of kids on the block and I remember like it was yesterday the day he recruited a bunch of us to help him "push-start" it, a practice to start a manual transmission car that has a dead battery that I still find fascinating. 

Once or twice he popped the clutch it stopped dead still and our faces all went splat into the chalk board straight trunk lid; the day and age it was I'm sure our parents laughed their asses off if they saw that. Nowadays lawyers would be summoned. The midwestern wholesomeness of the whole thing combined with how ancient I felt the car was made me feel as though I was in an episode of  "Happy Days", my favorite TV show at the time. I loved every fleeting second of it. 

This literal and figurative rerun is for sale on Facebook Marketplace near my current home in Cleveland, Ohio with an asking price of $6,500 and, no, I'm not about to make an offer on it just to recreate that moment. Although, I wouldn't mind taking this for a spin. No push starting, though, as it has a Powerglide (automatic). Comes with factory power steering and brakes (wow!) and has the "Blue Flame 125", inline, Chevrolet six-cylinder it was born with. That in and of itself is remarkable in that some time during the last near 70-years, no one has swapped it out. 

Poster of the ad is helping their father sell this thing. He or she either copy and pasted some flowery prose about old cars or studied to be a real estate agent and aced the part about writing nonsensical copy to hawk houses. 

"Are you looking to own one of the most iconic Chevrolet's of the 1950's or to relive your glory days and cruise like the old days with your loved ones on your main boulevard with a cool classic car? This cool 1954 Chevrolet 210 2 door sedan could be just the ticket to cool summer nights and car cruises across the valley!"

This isn't for me but but someone looking for a foil for an "LS-swap" might construe this a bargain. Looks pretty free from rust and the interior is nice and tidy in that charming 1950's librarian\utilitarian kind of way before everything GM made was a "luxury car". Trunk apparently is full of extra parts. 

1954 was the last year for Chevrolet's first post-war models that debuted in 1949 and received a mid-production cycle styling update for 1953. Our subject here is a "210", 2-door sedan meaning it's a mid-level (between the entry-level 150 and top drawer "Bel Air"), pillared (center post) two-door and not the more desirable and valuable Bel Air Sport Coupe with its glorious hard top. Although less structurally sound, hard tops, so called because they lacked the center post "sedans" had and resembled convertibles with their tops up, are much more valuable. 

Bruce didn't keep that '54 very long. He and his father flipped cars regularly which annoyed my father to no end; he claimed they were running a used car business out of their garage and that was "code violation". Whatever, dad. When he go off like that I'd just sigh, stare at their cars or go back to emulating Fonzie.

 

1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (coupe!) - Good Morning B-Body Lovers!

Good morning GM "B-body lovers"! Today's "B" is a 1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88 and hails from bucolic, Elyria, Ohio which, without traffic, is maybe thirty-five minutes west of downtown Cleveland. Asking price? $4,000. While the used car market is softening somewhat, I still have a hard time coming to grips that a 39-year old appliance like this could possibly go for that much money. Then again, at least it's not ten-grand or so like it might have been back at the height of the post Pandemic used car market price surge. Poster of the ad says it's "historic" and has historic plates. They also claim at four-large this is quite the bargain. Thanks for the insight or your opinion, but we'll make that determination. Haggerty might consider this "classic", but just because something is old, doesn't mean it's "classic". As far as the price goes, well, I'm sure someone will jump at this at that asking price. 

This '84 Delta 88 was one of the last of its kind from General Motors' "Rocket" division; "Rocket" stemming from their seminal overhead valve, "Rocket" V-8 engine they they introduced in 1949. The original Olds "88" was an Oldsmobile "76" with the "Rocket 88" V-8 engine found in the somewhat larger bodied and heavier "98". Being lighter and somewhat shorter, many consider the 1949 Oldsmobile Rocket 88 to be the world's first "muscle car". 

  

The late Ike Turner is given credit for writing a song about it too.

Which is a tad amusing consider that just a scant thirty or so years later what an Oldsmobile 88 had turned into. No one would confuse our '84 here with being a muscle car. Although, with a gloriously accessible engine compartment, one could certainly turn it into anything they'd want it to be. 

These cars are not without their flaws, though. My experience with them "back in the day", despite having driven only coupes like this, was disappointing. And for reasons in addition to their flat out flaccid and gutless power trains; that we can now change. I'm of very average height, and I always struggled to get a comfortable driving position in these cars if the driver's seat was not power adjustable. I sat too low and couldn't see over the dash where I felt the top of it wasn't in the center of my vision. And trust me, in cars this big, you need to be able to see over the dash. 

So, if there's no power seat adjuster, at least for the pilot, I'm out. There's no picture of the drivers seat so I can't tell if its power or not; this does have power windows, which are nice but not necessary. Back then option packages were ala carte - you could order power windows and skip power locks and the power seat or configure your car anyway you want. Experts say that the myriad ways these cars came from the factory in was the bane of quality control. 

Not being able to see made parking lot maneuvers challenging too. These cars, although "downsized" were very, very big. While some SUV's today might actually be bigger than our 88 here, with the mandate of rear cameras on all vehicles sold in this country since 2017, backing up and parking is much simpler. This thing? You hope and poke. 

Seems to be in decent shape although these pictures do it no justice. The muddy tires, dirt driveway, etc. Save for that ouchie on the rear quarter, for four-grand you could do worse. Also, depends on what you want it for. First car for your high schooler who will trash anything you buy for them? Err, not so much. As a fun project you could hot rod for not too much money? Oh, absolutely. Sign me up to help even. Good grief, though, is that right rear tire flat? 

Poster of the Facebook ad for this 1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88 lists it as a 1987 which, of course, we all know it can't be. By '87 these cars were shrunken, front-wheel-drive facsimiles of their once grand and glorious selves although they were far superior transportation conveyances. Some sleuthing and by the number of slots on its grill I deduce it's actually a 1984. 

These cars are part of General Motors' much celebrated class of 1977, downsized full-size makes and models. Of all of them, which, frankly, I'm in the minority being ambivalent towards them, the Oldsmobile's were my least favorite. Too blocky and too square, it was if they ran out of ideas. For 1980, GM designers breathed some aero pixie dust on them transforming the once staid designs that were the embodiment of "Your Father's Oldsmobile" into something far more progressive. Not nearly to the extent of what was to come in 1985 for the 98 and in 1986 for the 88 line, but at least enough that they looked like more than shrink ray versions of what had come before them. 

 

1972 Cadillac Eldorado - Are They Really Alive?

I've written so much about Cadillac Eldorado's in all their good, bad and indifferent guises and iterations, that I believe I'm plum tuckered out of things to say about them. I guess I felt bad for this old lion when I saved some of the photos from the Facebook ad for it decided to write something about it. If for no other reason out of respect for it. 

While a 1967-1970 Eldorado might have a place in my Jay Leno Fantasy Garage, these 1971-circa reboots, that I think turned the once proud, cutting edge designs into parade floats, I'd rather see used to help prevent beach erosion. These came in convertible form too which only accentuated their floppiness. 

This patina rich Eldo strikes a chord with me reminds me as it reminds me of when I would visit my father in various nursing homes he was shuttled around to at the end of his life. One in particular with an indifferent staff and stinking of cheap institutional food, bleach, urine and feces - a god awful place. Many rooms filled with ghastly old people staring blankly at the ceiling with mouths agape. No one with them, heart monitor beeping slowly. I hope they were high as kites oblivious to their situation. Where they really alive? 

Who would buy this and why? Asking price is $4,000 which I think fair but still, a lot of money to put down on something that'll need twice that to stop people from putting their noses up. It probably has a ton of heart warming stories to tell if it could. That bug deflector tells me it was perhaps a retired couple's dream car and they used this gas-inhaling hog to tour the country. Then one of them passed and the other lost the drive to make such trips and it got stored, maybe for a time outside so the elements got the best of it for a while. We'll never know. Best to look away and pretend not to see it - like I did seeing those poor souls in that nursing home my father was in years ago.